I hope McConaughey wears this same outfit when he accepts his Best Supporting Actor Oscar.

Hey everybody, I’m back!  Did you miss me?  You know what? It doesn’t really matter because this week we’ve actually got some legit flicks to discuss.  Besides Magic Mike, there’s that President-killing-vampires movie we all decided to wait for DVD to watch, a film set during the end of the world, that doc about the Dane that looked really insane, and even some full-frontal female nudity. There’s films with Seth Rogen, Steve Carell, Tyler Perry,  and Bryan Cranston.  There’s movies about writers and real estate agents, and match-making dogs.  There’s even two flicks about deaf people, but you didn’t hear it from me. Well, you did, but it was a joke, see.  Yeah, you’re all glad I’m back.

The DVDs:
Magic Mike
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter
Seeking A Friend For The End Of The World
Take This Waltz
Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Witness Protection
The Ambassador (Also available for streaming)
Crooked Arrows
Leave
Fear And Desire
Wrong Turn 5: Bloodlines
247°F
The Selling
The Invisible War
Gabe The Cupid Dog
Conned
I Am Bish

Want to know which one is a Dove Foundation-approved film about a talking dog? Continue reading.  Want to know which one is the fifth installment in a series of films?  Continue reading.  Want to know which president is killing all those vampires?  Continue reading.  Are you insulted by my estimation of your intelligence?  Skip on over to the Netflix suggestions by clicking here, but you’ll never know about the full-frontal female nudity I mentioned. Read the rest of this entry »

"More like Magic SIKE!" I imagine Seth MacFarlane would say.

Despite finishing at No. 2 on this weekend’s box office list, Channing Tatum has another certified blockbuster on his hands. Magic Mike earned nearly $40 million in its first weekend, which is fantastic for its $7 million budget. But the big winner was Seth MacFarlane and his foul-mouthed teddy bear, Retread Ted, which grossed $54 million.

The victory comes as a mild surprise, as people still love MacFarlane’s self-aware brand of “edgy” comedy, and a lot of my friends and Twitter peoples told me that they really enjoyed Ted. And as much as I wanted Magic Mike to be the clear winner, horny cougars and sorority girls can only carry a film so far. Although, I will say that out-profiting a film $32 million to $4 million is one hell of a victory.

The rest of the box office – including another big weekend for Tyler Perry *sigh* – after the jump, as well as some thoughts on Magic Mike.

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PREPARE. YOUR. LADY. PARTS.

Opening Errwherrr, WHAT SON: MAGIC MIKE!, Ted, People Like Us, Madea’s Witness Protection

FilmDrunk Suggests: Come on, like you even need to ask. *Harlem shuffles, spins on head, robots into split*

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Before we get to the rest of this week’s posters and stills, I wanted to highlight this comparison between the Snow White and the Huntsman poster and this book from 2008, as tipped off by reader Matt. Poster designers copy themes all the time (diagonal horizon lines, the rom-com lean, floating heads, etc.), but this one seems pretty egregious. Also, I saw Snow White and the Huntsman a few days ago and was distressed to find that it’s NOT about a sassy gay crow. “Did you see Snow White? Like, ugh, have you heard of tanning? She’s pastier than one of my eggs. Fairest indeed. I don’t want to ruffle any feathers, queen, but you’re much prettier. Quoth this raven: Caw! You’re fabulous!”

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Worse than a Dutch oven.

Between Madea’s Family Reunion, Madea Goes to Jail and Madea’s Big Happy Family, Tyler Perry has grossed roughly $207 million just at the box office. That doesn’t include his other dozen or so films that have all raised somewhere between $35 and $90 million each, but it’s all the reason he needs to unleash yet another tale of the tough-talking, cross-dressing grandmother. This time, though, Madea is helping her FBI agent nephew, who needs her to keep an eye on Eugene Levy’s family, as the mob is after them, hence Madea’s Witness Protection. Go ahead, camp out for your tickets now.

So why then is the mob about to taste Madea’s pain?

For years, George Needleman (Levy), the gentle CFO of a Wall Street investment bank, has been living with his head in the clouds. His frustrated second wife, Kate (Richards), has reached her limit taking care of his senile mother, Barbara (Roberts). His teenage daughter, Cindy (Danielle Campbell), is spoiled beyond hope and his seven-year-old son, Howie (Devan Leos), wishes his father were around more. But George is finally forced to wake up when he learns that his firm, Lockwise Industries, has been operating a mob-backed Ponzi scheme – and that he’s been set up as the fall guy.

Huh? Wha? How did I get out on this building’s ledge?

Facing criminal charges and death threats from the mob, George and his entire family are put under witness protection in the safest place that Brian (Perry), a federal prosecutor from Atlanta, can think of…

His Aunt Madea’s house down South.

*repeated record scratch*

As a result, Madea and her live-in brother, Uncle Joe (Perry), find themselves managing a completely dysfunctional family from Connecticut. But as George tries to solve the mystery behind Lockwise’s finances, Madea whips the Needlemans into shape using her hilarious brand of tough love. And together, they realize they just might have what it takes to unite George’s family, outsmart the mob and change everyone’s lives for the better.

What I have a problem with is the idea of the FBI leaving an important witness and his family in the hands of a convicted felon. This is how our justice system falls apart, damn it. But perhaps the brand new trailer can give us some insight into the hilarity of Perry’s latest trip to the ATM.

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