Take this with a grain of salt or whatever food will keep you from being humiliated for believing untruths, but BloodyDisgusting claims a reliable source tells them that Robert Rodriguez’ Machete (which began as a fake trailer in Grindhouse - video after the jump) will star: Michelle Rodriguez (of course), Robert De Niro (wha?), and Jonah Hill (*spit take*). ThePlaylist also reports that Steven Seagal will make an appearance. They say none are signed, but all are “in talks.”
Machete (Trejo) is a Mexican ex-Federale with a gift for wielding a blade, who hides out as a day laborer, who is double-crossed by a corrupt state senator (De Niro).
-DANNY TREJO is returning as “Machete”
-MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ (”Lost”, Fast & Furious, Avatar) is said to be playing “Luz”.
-JONAH HILL will play “Julio”.
-Lastly, a legend of our time, ROBERT DE NIRO, will take on the role of “Senator McLaughlin”. [possible dialog: "That's right, senator. Who's Mclaughing now?"] [via Bloody-Disgusting]
I had to check if Jonah Hill’s character would be Julio as in “Hoo-lio,” or Julio as in “Jew-lio” — to which he seems better suited. ThePlaylist confirms that he would indeed be playing a Cholo. (Do jour taxes? Chale, homes, I’m too sleepy.) Either way, if any of this actually goes down, Machete will be the most crazily cast movie since The Expendables. In fact, he should call it “The Mexpendables.” Wow, let’s see how much more racism I can cram into this post. Hey, did you guys know all Indians are drunks? Hurr, look at me, I own a casino. *glug glug glug*
Robert Rodriguez has been reportedly attached to so many damned projects since Grindhouse - Sin City 2, Red Sonja, Barbarella, The Jetsons, Nerveracker, and others - that I’m not sure I believe him anymore. As originally reported by BloodyDisgusting in January and now “confirmed” by IESB, Rodriguez will produce and direct Predators for Fox.
In a news conference today at Troublemaker Studios, several Texas state politicians were in attendance to sign HB 873, the long-awaited reform of the Texas film incentive program. Rodriguez talked to the audience of press members and revealed his upcoming film slate. “I’m going to be able to shoot my upcoming Machete here, a sci-fi action film called Nervewrackers, a re-boot of the Predator series called Predators, and a couple of smaller movies called Sin City 2 and The Jetsons.”
Meanwhile, Variety reports Rodriguez is “eyeing” a June start date for Machete.
Machete [Danny Trejo, puto] is a Mexican ex-Federale with a gift for wielding a blade, who hides out as a day laborer, who is double-crossed by a corrupt state senator. Not immediately clear is whether Rodriguez and Overnight will find a way to use the irresistible marketing slogan that appeared in the “Grindhouse” trailer: “This time, they f*cked with the wrong Mexican.”
“Ju tole me feefty dolars for mow jour lawn, saynator, but ju no pay. Now I get my cousins for kick jour ass!” I think a cooler title for Machete would be Mexican Judo. I also don’t count my Rodriguez projects before they’re on screen. Something tells me he uses movie ideas more as a way to bone chicks like Rose McGowan than as an actual career guide.
