The Internet nearly exploded with nerdy joy when Hulu made the Criterion Collection available for free last weekend. And sure, if you like “critically acclaimed” movies by “esteemed directors,” those films are pretty good. But what about us folk who enjoy the simpler pleasures of a cinematic trainwreck? Maybe a movie featuring an evil lizard king or a crime-fighting Santa Claus? Fortunately, there are literally dozens of Hollywood’s anti-masterpieces available for free every single day on YouTube. Here are 16 awesomely bad movies streaming in unbroken clips that you can watch right now.

Read the rest of this entry »

1994

The existence of the movie Tammy and the T-Rex, starring Denise Richards and Paul Walker, seems like one of those pieces of internet lore that everyone on the cool message boards already knew about (and didn’t tell me), but the YouTube video only has 11,000 views when it should have at least 11 million, so I’m considering it a Forgotten Classic for our purposes.

Directed by Mac & Me‘s Stewart Raffil, who should get some kind of bizarre-movie lifetime achievement award for these two titles alone, Tammy and the T-Rex stars a pre-breast implants Denise Richards and a be-bellyshirted Paul Walker in those heady days of 1994. It has a plot that I could try to explain, but I think I’d rather just copy the trailer narration word for word, because this is like dada-ist poetry:

Everything in Tammy’s life is just great. But when you’re young and in love, life can get VERY complicated.

(*cut to shot of Paul Walker eating a rose*) [Note: It is never explained why Paul Walker is eating a rose]

ESPECIALLY when it involves an INSANELY JEALOUS creep.

(*cut to a fight, including the line “DO it, Billy! Do it!”, which belongs in every film*)

Late night phone calls. Sneaking around in your own house. Your boyfriend getting dumped in a wild animal park. And a crazy doctor… who turns out to be a MAD SCIENTIST.

…with an insane invention, that only needs a brain.

But THIS Tyrannosaurus Rex just wants to be a PARTY ANIMAL.

This narration should be in a museum.

Read the rest of this entry »

Paul teams Shaun of the Dead/Hot Fuzz stars Simon Pegg and Nick Frost, who also wrote the script, with director Greg Mottola, who I think is one of the best directors working today.  You might be tempted to disagree, but remember, I will fight you.

The plot concerns best friends Graeme and Clive (get it? they’re British), two comic-book nerds traveling through the US who encounter an alien named Paul (voiced by Seth Rogen) near Area 51.  If this were anyone but Pegg/Frost/Mottola, I’d probably say this looks really dumb, but since it’s them, I’m going to assume it’s a clever take off on the old we-found-an-alien-but-we-have-to-hide-him-from-the-government genre that was bizarrely ubiquitous in the late 80s (Alf, Out of This World, E.T., Mac & Me, Harry and the Hendersons {sorta}…). Mottola would seem to be the perfect choice, as he has a special gift for recreating that glowy nostalgic feel of an 80s comedy.  But more importantly, this better include an elaborate dance party set at McDonald’s:

Read the rest of this entry »

I first reported the development of a Smurfs movie a couple months ago, a planned live-action/CGI mix a lá Alvin and the Chipmunks (or Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakwel).  Today, bat-like EW correspondent Michael Ausiello uncovered some more news about the plot from a casting call, and it doesn’t sound at all like the Smurfs I remember.  Here are the roles being cast:

SOPHIE: A pre-teen girl who possesses enormous smarts and great imagination, but who is socially and physically clumsy. She discovers that the doll her dad brought home from Belgium is actually a living, breathing Smurf. And not just any Smurf — Clumsy Smurf! Sophie tries to get her mom and dad to embrace Clumsy as a member of the family, but ultimately realizes what he really wants is to reunite with his fellow Smurfs.

SAM: Sophie’s 15-year-old brother. He’s a good kid, but has a tendency to be difficult and withdrawn. He gets involved in helping Clumsy return home and, as a result, bonds with his sister.

What the hell?  So instead of Smurf village we get two special-needs retards and E.T.?  Unless they cast Charley the Retarded Cat as Sophie and include a dance party scene set in McDonald’s, I’m not interested.  (But seriously though, a cat with poor motor skills plus a Smurf plus a dance party at McDonald’s?  This needs to happen).

Paul Rudd was on Conan last night, which was apparently a re-run, to promote his not new movie Role Models.  He introduces a scene from the movie, only to show a random clip from the 1988 kid-in-wheelchair-meets-alien classic, Mac & Me.  Conan then pretends to act surprised because it’s important that people believe that none of Conan’s bits are in any way contrived.  The point of all this is that it led us to another clip from Mac & Me (attached below) which is one of the most bizarre and amazing clips of all time. It includes:

• A birthday party at McDonald’s
• A random, seemingly unrelated breakdance party in the McDonald’s parking lot
• Heavy-handed product placement starring Ronald McDonald
• Alien disguised as teddy bear
• An inexplicable, fully-choreographed dance contest
• …A contest which features guys dressed as football players in full pads and eye black
• Alien disguised as teddy bear takes over the dance contest. Inside McDonald’s.

Sweet Jesus the 80s were retarded.
Read the rest of this entry »