It’s not often I get to write about ACTUAL LASERS, but today is one of those days.  Above you can see the Spyder III Pro Arctic Laser from Wicked Lasers.  LucasFilm is demanding they halt production because it looks too much like a light saber.  But first, let me tell you how face-meltingly awesome this product sounds.  Wicked Lasers’ website seems to be down, but here’s their description of the product via SlashFilm:

This direct blue laser diode is the result of the evolution of laser technology. Less than one year ago, this laser would have cost thousands of dollars to build. Don’t let the Arctic name fool you, this laser possesses the most burning capabilities of any portable laser in existence. That’s why it’s also the most dangerous laser ever created.
Warning: Extremely dangerous is an understatement to the power of 1W of laser power. It will blind permanently and instantly and set fire quickly to skin and other body parts, use with extreme caution and only when using the included eye protection. Customers will be required to completely read and agree to our Class IV Laser Hazard Acknowledgment Form. (here’s more from GammaSquad)

LucasFilm is demanding they stop making the lasers, saying they’re clearly designed to look like a lightsaber from Star Wars despite not receiving any licensing or permission from LucasFilm.  BUT WAIT, DID YOU JUST SAY IT CAN INSTANTLY SET FIRE TO SKIN??  Supposedly that’s what you’re NOT supposed to do with the laser, but it’s a bit unclear what you ARE supposed to do with it.  Look, dude, you tell me it has the most burning capabilities of any portable laser, you know damned well I’m going to use it to smite mine enemies.  It’s either that or burning “NO FAT CHICKS” into the facade of the wooden church late at night.  I only hope I can score one of these before the place goes out of business, in order to begin my transition from pantsless shut-in to actual super villain.  Neighborhood cats, you are officially on notice.

Read the rest of this entry »

^{Says Prowse of his 35-year marriage, “We f*ck with the helmet on.”}

David Prowse, the English actor who played (but didn’t voice) Darth Vader in the first three Star Wars, recently told Equity Magazine that he has yet to receive any of the residuals he’s owed for Return of the Jedi… because LucasFilm claims the film hasn’t made a profit.

“I get these occasional letters from Lucasfilm saying that we regret to inform you that as Return of the Jedi has never gone into profit, we’ve got nothing to send you.” [TimesOnline]

Meanwhile, Box Office Mojo puts the lifetime take at $475 million, not including the $88 million it made upon re-release in 1997.  With a production budget of $32.5 million.  LucasFilm is able to get away with it because Prowse’s deal, like most actors, was for net profit, rather than gross.  As a /Film commenter points out…

“Unfortunately, Mr. Prowse relates what is almost universally the case with a net profit clause. Studios almost never pay on this clause, as they claim nearly any and every expense possible to keep the film from showing any actual profit. Very few films have ever shown a net profit on the books.”

So, as you might expect.  Though claiming you have expenses that account for $539.5 million (not including merchandising) is still pretty ballsy.  George Lucas could buy a petting zoo for his “friends” every day of the week and still have plenty left over for racecar beds and rare breeds of cats to eat, not to mention the vat of singles to get greased up and roll around in for the kids to peel off when they need candy money.  Don’t tell me I don’t know how this Hollywood stuff works.