Catfish Sex.  Above you see the trailer for Uncle Boonme Who Can Remember His Past Lives.  It won the Palm D’Or at Cannes, which is less interesting to me than the fact that it has a cool poster which sort of looks like a Polish poster, and a trailer that involves ghosts, laser eyes, and a woman having sex with a catfish. (*singing) These are a few of my fav-or-ite thiiiiings…. |ThePlaylist/HD trailer at Apple|

Spider-Man Musical getting another rewrite. After being savaged by critics in previews, Julie Taymor’s Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark is getting more rewrites in advance of its March 15th opening. Hmm, is there any way for him to rewrite the part about it being a $65 million Spider-man musical with songs by U2? Otherwise this is going to be hard. |Deadline|

Bank-robbing magicians. Incredible Hulk directory Louis Leterrier’s next film will be a heist flick called Now You See Me, about “a crack FBI squad in a game of cat-and-mouse against a super team of the world’s greatest illusionists, who pull off a series of daring bank heists during their performances and showers the profits on to their audiences.”  COPPERFIELD: I’ll make the vault door disappear!  PENN JILLETTE: I’ll distract the guards with sleight of hand!  BLAINE: I’ll live in a glass box for a week! …Aw, dammit. Who invited Blaine? |Collider|

No Robocop Reboot. According to MGM, rumors of Robocop’s reboot have been greatly exaggerated. Conflicting reports? That’s strange. MGM always seemed like such a pillar of stability and follow-through. |CinemaBlend|

Hailee Steinfeld has a Groundhog Memento or something. True Grit actress signed for Forgotten,in which “Steinfeld will play London Lane, a 16-year old whose memory is erased at 4:33 every night. The following morning, all she can remember are events from her future. After meeting a new boy at school, London becomes frustrated that she can’t seem to find him in her memory of things to come.”  Holy sh*t, who wrote this, Steven Seagal? |Deadline|

Paul Blart Presents: Madagasfart:

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As I reported yesterday, the battle has been waging between elitist film queers and your average Joe Cousinf*cker over whether post-converted 3D as seen in Clash of the Titans is cool or just a poorly-executed scheme to charge more.  Clash of the Titans director Louis Leterrier was asked about it recently, and even he said it’s the suckiest waste of money since the sloopy beej he got from your sister. I’m paraphrasing, of course.

Q. WHY REMAKE “CLASH”?
A. That is a question I asked myself. After “Hulk,” I wanted to do other things, but they came to me and said, “There’s this movie we’ve been trying to do for 12 years. Sam Raimi tried to do it; it’s ‘Clash of the Titans.’” And I said, “Guys, you cannot remake ‘Clash of the Titans.’ I am the biggest fan of ‘Clash of the Titans,’ you are idiots if you remake ‘Clash of the Titans.’ But then I thought about it and said, “If the Greek mythology door isn’t opened now, it will be closed for another 20 years.”

Q. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE 3D CONVERSION? THERE’S BEEN A LOT OF TALK THAT IT’S NOT UP TO SNUFF.
A. Well, what did you think? Be honest.

Q. WELL, TO ME, IT WAS LIKE WATCHING A VIEW-MASTER.
A. (laughs) It’s funny, that is one of the things I was saying to them. Don’t make it so much like a ViewMaster — so … so puffied up. Listen, it was not my intention to do it in 3D; it was not my decision to convert it in 3D. Now, people love 3D. People will go see it in 3D, and it will play in 3D; it’s like a ride. If you love 3D and the studio is giving you the opportunity to see it in 3D, go see it in 3D. If you don’t like 3D, don’t go see it in 3D. Conversions, they all look like this. “Alice in Wonderland” looks like this. Remember the technology was not ready, so it’s Warner Bros saying we are giving you the best of what we can do. [THR]

Aw, that was sweet of WB to rush a 3D conversion the director didn’t want and give it to us while it still looked sucky. They should be able write off their $61 million opening weekend as a charitable donation and get it tax free, the saints.  In related news, I opened a Greek mythology door once. …ONCE.  I’m keeping that thing shut. Some things you can’t unsee.

UPDATE: Trailer removed at the behest of some douchebag lawyers.  I’m pretty sure posting a studio’s own advertisement for their movie so I can make fun of it falls clearly under fair use, but whatever, I’m not a lawyer.
The first Clash of the Titans trailer was sort of dumb and incomprehensible, a mashup of people stabbing each other and CGI bad guys set to heavy guitar, intercut with the ultimate we-assume-you’re-an-idiot-meathead tagline “TITANS. WILL. CLASH.”  Gee, thanks.  I’m insulted and I am an idiot meathead. Luckily they’ve corrected all that with this new trailer, which is… even more incomprehensible and meathead.  Here’s the official synopsis:

Born of a god but raised as a man, Perseus (Worthington) is helpless to save his family from Hades (Fiennes), vengeful god of the underworld. With nothing left to lose, Perseus volunteers to lead a dangerous mission to defeat Hades before he can seize power from Zeus (Neeson) and unleash hell on Earth. Leading a daring band of warriors, Perseus sets off on a perilous journey deep into forbidden worlds. Battling unholy demons and fearsome beasts, he will only survive if he can accept his power as a god, defy his fate and create his own destiny.

The tagline in this one is DAMN. THE. GODS., but this movie is so dumb that when I saw “DAMN” I half expected it to be “DAMN. THIS. LOOKS. HELLA SICK.” or “DAMN.  BROSEPH. EXPLOSIONS.”

Here are some new posters and banners for Clash of the Titans, from director Louis LeTerrier, starring Ralph Fiennes, Liam Neeson, and captain I’m in everything now Sam Worthington.  Not that I ever had much enthusiasm for this project, but anything there was quickly snuffed out by the teaser trailer — tagline: “TITANS. WILL. CLASH.”  GRR, THREE. WORD. TAGLINES!  I bet if you took a shot for every time someone referenced 300 during pre-production, you’d be Nick Nolte.  On that note, here are my two favorite 300 gif animations:

I’ve heard Gerard Butler is just like that in real life.  They say if you cut off his head, his hips will just keep thrusting like a praying mantis.

[bigger versions at RopeofSilicon]

What do you get when you hire Louis Leterrier (Unleashed, Transporter 2, and The Incredible Hulk) to remake Clash of the Titans as a pandering mashup of 300 and every “guy movie” made in the last five years?

• Snakes!
• Swordfights!
• Heavy guitar riffs!
• Dragons!
• Scorpions!
• Crab people!
• Horses on the beach!
• BODIES HITTING FLOOR!

And the tagline?  TITANS.  WILL. CLASH. Brilliant.  I bet the marketing department went double pits to chesty when they thought up that one.  Hard to tell what it’s actually about from the, but the synopsis claims it “follows Perseus (Sam Worthington) on his quest to battle Medusa and the Kraken in order to save the Princess Andromeda.”  Yeah?  And Prince Androgyna here thinks he’s going to save her?  Pff, nice skirt, Fagamemnon.  -This commentary provided by Diablo Cody.