What do you get when you hire Louis Leterrier (Unleashed, Transporter 2, and The Incredible Hulk) to remake Clash of the Titans as a pandering mashup of 300 and every “guy movie” made in the last five years?
And the tagline? TITANS. WILL. CLASH. Brilliant. I bet the marketing department went double pits to chesty when they thought up that one. Hard to tell what it’s actually about from the, but the synopsis claims it “follows Perseus (Sam Worthington) on his quest to battle Medusa and the Kraken in order to save the Princess Andromeda.” Yeah? And Prince Androgyna here thinks he’s going to save her? Pff, nice skirt, Fagamemnon. -This commentary provided by Diablo Cody.
Says Stath: “Oi, da cunt’s just admoirin’ moy fock’n abs. Nuffing gaiy about dat, innit.”
When Louis Leterrier directed his Transporter films (he directed the second and “artistic directed” the first), it seems he had certain ideas about Jason Statham’s character, ideas that the character was gay.
Leterrier, told me he created a gay subtext for the character so as to avoid making a “Steven Seagal kind of movie.”
“If you watch the movie and you know he’s gay, it becomes so much more fun,” Leterrier said then. “It’s so great — the first gay action movie hero!” He continued: “Action fans in general are pretty homophobic. You see these tough guys who say, ‘ “The Transporter,” that’s such a great movie!’ If they only knew they’re really cheering for a new kind of action hero.”
And to drive his point home, he mentioned a scene in “Transporter 2” in which a drug czar’s wife, played by Amber Valletta, makes romantic overtures toward the Transporter. Martin rebuffs her, explaining, “It’s because of who I am.” Leterrier’s take on that? “That’s him coming out!” [LA Times Blog]
It’s hard for me not to get sidetracked by that Seagal reference… but naturally, I wanted to know what our friend The Stath thought about this. So I asked him:
Sorry for all the words.
Until it utterly craps the bed in the finale, The Incredible Hulk is everything a superhero movie should be. Maybe not everything it could be, but for 85 minutes it does a pretty good job hitting the notes you expect it to (Showdown! Love interest! …SMASH!), without making you too conscious of the man behind the curtain.
Zak Penn’s script (or Ed Norton’s script, depending on whom you ask) wisely drops us right in the middle of the story, Bruce Banner having already hulked out, busted up a lab, gone on a rampage, and since fled to a slum in Rio where he lives alone except for (of course) his pet dog. On the run from the general (William Hurt) who wants to dissect him and keeping vigil for the woman he left behind (Liv Tyler), he works in a soda bottling plant and spends his spare time improving his Portuguese and learning to manage his anger.
Between the cool-looking, almost gratuitous sweeping shots of the Brazlian favelas and the director’s assumed license to film all manner of unrealistically hot extras, the setting is exploited to the fullest. Other than that, it’s mainly a repeating cycle of General Ross and his stubbly, loose cannon protégé played by Tim Ross getting a bead on Banner and Banner turning green and going on a rampage every time they corner him. But no complaints, half the fun of Hulk is anticipating what’s going to piss him off next.
Hulk doesn’t have the charm of Iron Man, but it’s a little unfair to expect him to. After all, in Iron Man, Tony Stark is the richest, smartest, coolest, most wise-cracking nerd fantasy on the planet who couldn’t be more stoked about becoming a superhero. In Hulk, Bruce Banner is a nerdy scientist who accidentally turned himself into a freak and has to live alone for fear of being captured by the government and accidentally smashing everyone he likes. Hulk’s script is more conservative but it’s also more nimble, keeping everything moving forward without requiring excessive suspension of disbelief (with the possible exception of William Hurt, whose comically gruff one-liners suggest he’s playing it a couple levels of camp above everyone else). The Norton-Tyler love interest is also better set up here, though also less fun.
Ahh, but what was it I said about the finale? Oh yeah, that. Four-fifths of their way into creating an entertaining, fairly believable world unto itself, Penn and Leterrier chuck everything out the window for an annoyingly self-referential and completely nonsensical ending that prioritizes sequel possibility above closure, catharsis, and even reason.
How best to illustrate what I mean… After Tim Roth gets mad scientist Tim Blake Nelson to inject him with gamma goo and turn him into evil hulk, er, Abomination, he rampages through the city of New York until General Ross’s only recourse is to send in Hulk to save the world from a greater evil. Having already established that the Hulk has intelligence and sensitivity beneath the green skin, he and Abomination trade witty repartee (albeit with growl-y hulk voices) while battling their way through upper Manhattan. Then, at that inevitable comic book movie moment where it seems the bad guy has the good guy dead to rights and all is lost, Abomination asks, "Any last words?" Hulk responds, and keep in mind this is a college-educated scientist who has up until this point displayed above average language skills, "HULK SMASH!"
Yep, in the climactic moment, Hulk relies on a self-referential, fanboy-inspired catchphrase roughly crowbarred (without lube) into a scene in which it makes no sense. Talk about "I’m the Juggernaut, Bitch" redux.
The sad part is, this character has a lot of potential. Imagine a Hulk whose rampages aren’t just an overgrown baby throwing his tonka toys around. Don’t get me wrong, the explosions are cool, but imagine Hulk rages that caused, blood, broken bones, massive human casualties… consequences! Not only would he be a superhero, he’d be fucking terrifying. In one scene, Liv Tyler, having recently been reunited with Bruce, her long-lost love, throws herself at him an attempt to consummate their reunion. But before they can get far, Bruce hears his heartrate monitor racing with the excitement and can’t seal the deal (imagine your spindly boyfriend transforming into the Hulk while he’s inside you). My point is, think of the possibilities. Grr, you wouldn’t like me when I’m …horny!
Point is, the Hulk is kind of character who’s completely unpredictable and always one-step away from doing something totally epic – the best kind of character. It’d be nice to see someone fully explore the possibilities. The Incredible Hulk seems content just to keep the franchise going.
Grade: B-
Better than the 2003 Hulk? Yes, much. I fell asleep during that one.
![Early renderings of the Hulk with gynecomastia were nixed after being deemed \](http://www.filmdrunk.com//ul/1868-Hulk.jpg "Early renderings of the Hulk with gynecomastia were nixed after being deemed \")
After the jump, I’ve got a new trailer for The Incredible Hulk, which, according to ComingSoon, can be found on Best Buy promo DVDs – free with select DVD purchases. Movie voice guy says:
Dr. Bruce Banner, genetic scientist, experimenting with the body’s ability to repair itself and fight disease, until an accidental overdose of gamma radiation unleashes something inside him. Something… incredible.
At this point in my recut of this trailer, the screen would fade to black and Bruce Banner would unleash a truly epic fart. The kind of fart that could end a marriage.
[Movie voice guy, cont’d] Pursued by the military, searching for a cure, until a new threat emerged, unlike anything we’ve seen before. [Bruce Banner] “There’s only one thing that can fight that, and it’s in me.”
*Tony Stark emerges from behind Banner, sweaty and naked from the waist up* [Stark] “You trying to tell me something? Should I throw the suit on or what?”
Source for video = ComingSoon
Source for fart-ending-marriage joke = George Carlin
The internets are all a titter with new clips from The Incredible Hulk – you can watch a couple of them after the jump, but I think my favorite is the one above. It’s a promo for the Hulk-themed American Gladiator episode that airs two weeks from now. Just in case Titan’s spandex clothes, flaccid, highlighted blonde locks, waxed eyebrows, and smooth, steroid-enhanced physique weren’t gay enough for you, now he’s going to paint himself green, flex a lot, and whisper creepy stuff in the contestants’ ears.
In related news, when I take other men from behind I think it’s really hot to talk in a Macho Man Randy Savage Voice. Tiiime for a reacharound! OHHH YEEAAAAH! *smashes bedside lamp with dildo*
Via ComingSoon
Also, Dear AOL, Your embed code blows.
