Sequels tend to make more than their predecessors, no matter how crappy they are (Ratner’s X3 was the highest-grossing X-Men, for example).  That’s why they’re such an easy call.  Angels and Demons¹, meanwhile, made barely more than half Da Vinci Code, which is not only a good indication that the public’s had an ass full of this franchise, but that interest was waning before the last movie came out.  Nonetheless, Sony’s has hired a writer to adapt Dan Brown’s latest, The Lost Symbol.  Ron Howard and Tom Hanks haven’t signed yet, but they probably will — it’s not like they did the first two for indie cred.  You know the drill:

As the story opens, Harvard symbologist Robert Langdon is summoned unexpectedly to deliver an evening lecture in the U.S. Capitol Building. Within minutes of his arrival, however, the night takes a bizarre turn. A disturbing object–artfully encoded with five symbols–is discovered in the Capitol Building. Langdon recognizes the object as an ancient invitation . . . one meant to usher its recipient into a long-lost world of esoteric wisdom. [...] Langdon is instantly plunged into a clandestine world of Masonic secrets, hidden history, and never-before-seen locations–all of which seem to be dragging him toward a single, inconceivable truth. [Amazon via /Film]

As long as Tom Hanks is rocking weird hair and doing a bad Nic Cage impression, they might as well just cast Cage and make it some kind of pop-history, bad hair, buddy professor movie.

HANKS: My great great grandfather Beauregard was ostracized as a coot and died in a mental institution in 1875, but I’ve discovered the clue that proves he was right all along!

CAGE: You don’t mean… Blackbeard’s treasure?  You’re crazy, Langdon!

HANKS: Quick!  Hand me that penny!

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^{Tell me… Is this where the weed at, Your Holiness?}

The Da Vinci Code sucked and Angels & Demons doesn’t look any better, but that didn’t stop Columbia from greenlighting a sequel as soon as the ink was dry on Dan Brown’s latest manuscript.  With any luck, there’s still time to convince Ron Howard to cut the translucent fuzz on top of his head before the next press tour. (*dry heave*)

Dan Brown has announced that his next installment of the “Da Vinci Code” series is “The Lost Symbol,” which will be published in the U.S. and Canada by Doubleday on September 15, 2009. The first print run will be a whopping 5 million copies.  “This is a great day for readers and booksellers,” said Sonny Mehta, chairman/editor in chief of the Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group.

It is not a bad day for Columbia Pictures, either, which has another continuing global franchise to go along with “Spider-Man.” [Variety]

Yes, come to think of it, the Dan Brown trilogy is just like Spider-Man. Seems like every Halloween, more and more kids come to my door dressed in Tom Hanks wigs and plastic foreheads.  They love that biblical shit.