For everyone wearing a wristwatch right now, I’d like you all to please take a close look at the long and short hands of your clock. If you look carefully enough, you’ll notice that at this exact moment it is time for Corey Feldman to cash some mother f–king checks. ShockTillYouDrop just posted the new trailer for Lost Boys: The Thirst and if you’re anything like me, you’ve just crapped into a paper lunch sac.

This time around we follow the Frog Brothers as they embark on a race to save humanity, blah, blah, blah, vampires be shoppin’. I’d love to overindulge you with a synopsis, but Feldman’s voiceover in the trailer is too good to rival. It’d be like showing up at Charlie Sheen’s house and competing to see who could verbally threaten his wife better. You’ll always lose.

“There is a nightcrawler… who’s created a new designer drug… the only problem is that it’s not a drug… it’s Ellen Degeneres vampire blooooood.”

Video after the jump:
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That’s right, it’s Greasy Sax Man, and that means Lost Boys news.

No one actually watches Lost Boys sequels (except Chodin when I pay him*), but they keep making them anyway, presumably as a way to keep Corey Feldman from making music.  Anyway, here’s the plot of Lost Boys 3: The Thirst.  See if you can spot the Twilight reference:

“When veteran vampire hunter Edgar Frog [Corey Feldman] finds himself destitute and almost friendless, he thinks his life has hit bottom – but wealthy vampire-romance novelist Gwen Liebling offers him a small fortune to go on the vampire hunt of a lifetime and rescue her son Peter from the Alpha Vampire D.J. Dusk. With the help of his friends Zoe, Lars and Blake, Edgar heads into a bloody battle to exterminate evil.” [via Bloody-Disgusting]

So… who wants to bet me that D.J. Dusk is an actual Disc Jockey? Anyone?  Anyway, it sounds pretty bad, I know.  But keep in mind it’s protecting us from this:

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Unless you’re a total newcomer to this site, you know that Greasy Sax Man video can mean only one thing: Lost Boys news.

TV writer Evan Charnov (Fearless) has been tapped to pen the screenplay for The Lost Boys 3, Warner Premiere’s next direct-to-disc sequel to the classic teen-vamp film from 1987. In addition, Corey Feldman has come on to produce and will also return once again as Edgar Frog. We’re told this film will actually focus on Feldman’s popular character (thank God). Corey Haim’s return as Sam Emerson is highly, highly unlikely at this point in time. [BloodyDisgusting]

At this point, the Lost Boys franchise is less about movies than it is a New Deal scheme to keep the Coreys employed.  That only one Corey is occupied is really a waste of investor’s money. The government needs to step in before he goes rape crazy at a petting zoo or starts rapping..