I don’t usually do this, but after I sent Chodin a Lost Boys 2: The Tribe DVD as his Comment of the Week prize, he sent me his review.  Despite the fact that it took him no less than six emails to get it properly attached, and his email address has “Tim Allen” in the title, it’s actually a pretty fine review.  Anyway, without further ado, here it is, and no, I didn’t understand the picture either. -Vince

Hey, remember the time you made your copy of The Lost Boys make out with your Point Break DVD?  Well guess what, asshole: they just had a f-cking baby.

The Lost Boys sequel, recently full-released on DVD, because theaters would rather burn to the ground than thread its 94 minutes through their projectors. Aptly titled Lost Boys: The Tribe, this time around we follow Victor and Thomas, two young Native American men, who don’t do shit all day except for ride around and talk about John Wayne’s teeth.
Read the rest of this entry »

Below you’ll find the highlights of the comments section from last week. If you see something you think should make the highlights next week, nominate it here via copy and pasting (the nomination post won’t show up on the main page, so bookmark it).

This week’s winner gets a brand new copy of Lost Boys: The Tribe on DVD, because I have better things to do with my life than spend a single second on a Corey.  Anyone named Corey. …And the winner is… Chodin.  He only narrowly beat out John Wayne in a Devo Hat, but I thought between these two gems he was deserving.

[From the JJ Abrams Earthquake Movie Thread]
chodin says  "…it will focus more on the relationships between people caught in the disaster"
Dialogue: "Deborah, if you weren’t so smashed to death under that fucking slab…I’d marry the shit out of you!"

[From the Brian Austin Green Wants to Play Riddler thread] chodin says, "I would love to be the Riddler, but then again, I’d just love to be anyone other than me" Brian Austin Green sobbed to MTV News.

See the honorable unmentionables after the jump.

[From the My Best Friend's Girl thread] John Wayne in a Devo Hat says:

Kate Hudson: Did you really think roses and poem would get you another chance?

Dane Cook: I’m here to get Goldie Hawn’s phone number because she looks younger than you.

Kate Hudson: You’re an annoying queer and you steal more jokes than the worthless beaner Mencia.

Dane Cook: Your cunt is probably so dry it’s like a chalk board. Can I write that 100 times with chalk? On your chalk board cunt?

Kate Hudson:Oh God I love you. Fuck me up the shitter, you annoying unfunny comedian.

You have to admit, not many people can utilize vulgarities to the effect that JWIADH can.  This was a nice one-two punch from Rotwangchung and Pauly Dangerously:  

[From the Indian Dude Stabs His Girlfriend thread] Rotwangchung says, Actually, it was this chick’s previous boyfriend that wanted her dead.  He just out-sourced it to Shelley.

Pauly Dangerously says, Maybe if she was fat as a cow, she might have been spared.

You racist dicks.  Meanwhile, Al challenged Michelle07‘s title as funniest FilmDrunkette:

[From the Watchmen Rape Scene thread] Al says, Well thank god it’s going to be "really brutal".  I’m always so disappointed by the tender intimacy depicted in garden-variety, everyday kinda rape.

Sometimes I read the comments and think, "Damn it, that was the joke I was searching for."  Thanks for the feelings of inadequacy, Al.  Guess I won’t have to look at my penis again today.

[Also from the Watchmen Rape Scene thread] Donkey Hodey says

*rereads article*

Oh, holy shit, you scared me.  At first, I thought that said ‘brutal rap scene"  I started having 8-Mile flashbacks.

And last but not least, here’s Michelle07‘s comment from the Star Trek Poster thread.  I have no idea what it means, but the Trekkies all swear it’s hilarious.  They also say Crocs are very comfortable.

Michelle07 says, There are FOUR actors.   

So there. you. go.  I’ll have a prize next week as well, so don’t start slacking off on me.

This month’s Playboy features a spread on Corey Feldman’s wife Susie, who reportedly agreed to do the shoot for free, probably to promote her husband’s crappy fake reality show The Two Coreys or his crappy movie Lost Boys 2.  And wasn’t he in a band once?  In any case, according to The Hollywood Gossip, she was promised the cover only to be booted for Ashley Harkleroad, and to add insult to injury, Harkleroad probably got paid.

I hope all you ladies out there have learned a valuable lesson about not showing your vagina to the world for free.  Wait, no, forget I said that.  This is all part of her plan, I’m sure of it.

On another note, how is it that every 80s actor who goes to rehab comes back looking like a scary transvestite?  Corey Feldman, Corey Haim, Charlie Sheen – is one of the twelve steps losing 30 pounds, shaving off your eyebrows, and getting your haircut like a lesbian?

In a turn of events shocking to at least 3 retards playing jacks, Lost Boys 2: The Tribe has failed to secure a theatrical release *sad suck monkey ;-{  *

Fans worldwide could not convince Warner Brothers executives to launch the second coming of the Emerson family on theater screens this summer. Instead, The Lost Boys: The Tribe will make its debut on home video this July. Which is actually better for us fans in some respects. We’ll get to watch it as many times as we want. And the home market grosses will surely be enough to insure a third outing. [MovieWeb]

That’s right, in a way, this is actually good news.  Corey’s also noticed that his hairline has been receding – but that means he’ll be able to save up all the money he’s been spending on conditioner and buy a great big house out in the country.  He and Haim will be able to move there some day real soon and then they’ll just live off the fat of the land.  And they’ll raise rabbits!  Red ones, blue ones, purple ones – all kinds a rabbits that nobody’s even seen before.  They’ll be so soft and furry, and no one bothers you out there so I reckon you can just pet the rabbits all day if you want to.  Oh, it’s gonna be perfect. 

Another day, another Lost Boys 2 trailer (video after the jump). 

This one’s a little longer, which isn’t a good thing.  But we do get a glimpse of Tom Savini (the guy with the cock gun in From Dusk Till Dawn), and the main girl (Autumn Reeser).  This time she was onscreen long enough for me to realize who she is: a minor character from The O.C.  I guess that’s better than someone from The Hills like I’d originally thought.  In any case, according to IMDB, her interests include "drawing, horseback riding, and reading."  

I know what you’re thinking, and it’s true, being in this movie is a lot of responsibility for a fourth grader.  I wonder if she also enjoys talking on the phone and hanging out with friends!  Perhaps we’ll never know!