Paramount has announced that they’ll be making a fourth Transformers movie, with a tentative release date of 2014. So… how does that make you guys feel? Good? When you saw the first one, were you like, “This is great, but I wish there were three more!”? Probably. Man, Paramount knows you guys so well. You should change the lock on your diary.

Earlier today, at a Hasbro event for Paramount’s G.I. Joe: Retaliation, ComingSoon.net/SuperHeroHype had a chance to talk with producer Lorenzo Di Bonaventura about the prospects of doing another “Transformers” movie.
“We’ll be there in the summer of 2014,” he confirmed, as well as addressing (albeit vaguely) whether Michael Bay will be returning as director or not. “Michael had a debate because he sort of felt at first that he’d done three. Michael and I are both the same in that we always like to top ourselves. That doesn’t necessarily mean bigger. It can be bigger in places, it just means different, but we’re going to push really hard as fresh and new as we can be.”
He compares doing a fourth “Transformers” movie to what they’re doing with the “G.I. Joe” sequel by having a few characters return as well as telling a story that does follow-up from a plot set-up in its predecessor without necessarily fully “rebooting.” “Again, we’re going to try to do a hybrid there where there will be some characters that come forward–we think, we’re still in the process of figuring it out–and some characters that don’t, but it will definitely be a different story.”

Ooh, ooh! Could the minstrel bots from the second movie come back to save the Decepticon Rec Center (Wreck Center?) with a step dance? They should totes do that.

Di Bonaventura also mentioned a couple other projects, just in case you weren’t convinced that he’s the devil incarnate yet.

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Once he was done governating, Arnold Schwarzenegger’s acting schedule filled up fast. He got involved with The Governator, something called Cry Macho, a Terminator reboot, maybe a Twins sequel, and God knows what else. But that was before he got caught shooting his sperm in every Mexican west of the Mississippi. Back in May, he announced he was putting all film projects on hold until further notice, until he could figure out which brown kids seemed most suspiciously gap-toothed and ass loving. (Arnie’s Éses, I imagine he calls them).

His personal affairs must be in order now, because last night I received a press release from Lionsgate announcing a new Schwarzenegger project called Last Stand, a “high-octane chase story” from the director of The Good, The Bad, and The Weird. QUICK, COVER THE MAKE-UP GIRLS WITH PLASTIC!

Korean action-suspense master Kim Jee-Woon (A TALE OF TWO SISTERS, THE GOOD, THE BAD, THE WEIRD) will direct the film, which is to be based on a spec script by Andrew Knauer that was subsequently rewritten by Jeffrey Nachmanoff.
Schwarzenegger will be starring as Sheriff Owens, a man who has resigned himself to a life of fighting what little crime takes place in sleepy border town Sommerton Junction after leaving his LAPD post following a bungled operation that left him wracked with failure and defeat after his partner was crippled.   After a spectacular escape from an FBI prisoner convoy, the most notorious, wanted drug kingpin in the hemisphere is hurtling toward the border at 200 mph in a specially outfitted car with a hostage and a fierce army of gang members.  He is headed, it turns out, straight for Summerton Junction, where the whole of U.S. law enforcement will have their last opportunity to make a stand and intercept him before he slips across the border forever.  At first reluctant to become involved, and then counted out because of the perceived ineptitude of his small town force, Owens ultimately accepts responsibility for one of the most daring face offs in cinema history.

Well that sounds like every action movie ever. But it’s Arnold. And everyone who’s seen The Good, the Bad, and the Weird seems to love it. And it started with a spec script, which is always better than a project that started as a pitch, so who knows. At the very least, I bet it’s the first Arnold movie synopsis ever to incorporate the phrase “perceived ineptitude.”"Hey, Sully, remembah when when you counted out my force for perceived eenept-eetude? …Your findings vere wracked wiss erroneous conclusions.” (*drops Sully off cliff, throws Thesaurus down with him*)

Here’s the trailer for Jack and Jill, starring Adam Sandler… PLAYING BOTH SIBLINGS! WHAT GOD DID I PLEASE?!?  Hoo boy, this looks about as good as Katie Holmes’ acting.

Judd Apatow casts Bridesmaid‘s Melissa McCarthy, Super 8‘s Ryan Lee in Knocked Up spinoff. Apatow’s next focuses on Paul Rudd and Leslie Mann’s characters from Knocked Up, which is great, because if you don’t like Paul Rudd and Leslie Mann you can just go suck a f*ck. I just hope Ryan Lee grows into his teeth by then. I say this because I know I was once that awkward. Take it from me, kid, it… doesn’t get better. I recommend alcohol. |HollywoodReporter|

Jonah Hill and Mark Wahlberg teaming up for buddy comedy.  “Good Time Gang follows two party-happy mercenaries who decide to take on a more serious case involving a terrorist, only to find their mission complicated when they discover one of them is related to the target. The film has been described by two people familiar with it as a new spin on Lethal Weapon.” Coming off working with Channing Tatum on 21 Jump Street, Jonah Hill should be right at home with Wahlberg. C-Tates’ entire persona is based on the Marky Mark Workout Video. POW!  |LATimes|

Di Bonaventura optioning reconstituted farts again. The brains behind the Asteroids movie and GI Joe has picked up the movie rights to the classic arcade game Space Invaders. The game is about 4-bit dots, but based on the title, I’m guessing the movie will be like Cowboys and Aliens, Battleship, Battle Los Angeles, Transformers, I Am Number 4, Super 8, and pretty much like every other alien movie of the last five years. Making a movie based on an old video game is like taking a Van Gogh, running it through an old Xerox 50 times, then making a graphic novel out of the Xerox. |THR|

Casey Anthony’s porn offer rescinded. In what I’m sure was not at all a publicity stunt, Vivid offered acquitted child killer Casey Anthony a porn contract, only to rescind the offer a day later. Steve Hirsch told TMZ: “It has become obvious to us that Vivid fans, and people in general, want nothing to do with her and that includes a XXX movie.” That’s true, I care deeply about the personal lives of those I watch get jizzed on. “What are your SAT scores? Do you have any letters of recommendation?” I often ask my laptop while setting lotion on it. |Superficial|

After the jump: the trailer for Gus Van Sant’s Restless, starring Mia Wasikowska and Henry Hopper, a love story about scarves and cancer.

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When I heard Lorenzo Di Bonaventura was planning an adaptation of the Atari game Asteroids, I was super excited because 4-bit images of rocks are my favorite. Now it gets even better, as Vulture reports that Universal has offered the project to Roland Emmerich (2012, The Day After Tomorrow) a director who’s really good at blowing things up and nothing else.  The guy made a movie about Shakespeare and the trailer had cannon fights in it, so it’s a safe bet that this will also include fire.

Vulture hears that Asteroids has just been offered to Emmerich by Universal, which is developing the feature film with Transformers: Dark of the Moon producer Lorenzo di Bonaventura. The script comes from Matt Lopez, best known for writing Disney’s The Race to Witch Mountain.

But it’s not all bad, he also wrote Adam Sandler’s Bedtime Stories and Nic Cage’s The Sorcerer’s Apprentice.

Now, wait. We already know what you’re thinking: Doesn’t even thinking about directing this violate Emmerich’s self-proclaimed ban on making any more movies showing the destruction of Earth? Ah, but hold! Our spies tell us that, technically, no, it does not, because Asteroids is actually set after the destruction of Earth!
We’re told it’s an ersatz sequel to world-ending Emmerich films like Independence Day and 2012, but one in which the aliens have won. The remnants of human civilization are now living on far-flung colonies within an asteroid belt alongside aliens. The survivors were led to believe that this alien civilization was benevolent, rescuing them from doom, but ultimately discover that the aliens have engineered Earth’s destruction, and soon will do the same for the rest of humankind. [Vulture]

Phew, for a second there I was really worried about Roland Emmerich violating his principles. Anyway, this should be great. Movies based on primitive videogames are always just the best.

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Hey, remember Four Brothers?  …Yeah, me neither. And it looks like there were only two brothers, amirite?  Ha, just playin’, they adopted, y’all.  Anyway, there’s going to be a sequel.  Entitled… wait for it… Five Brothers. Full title: Five Brothers: Hurrrr.

Mark Wahlberg is eyeing a return to star and hatched the sequel idea with original writers David Elliot and Paul Lovett, who are writing “Five.” Lorenzo Di Bonaventura is back to produce.
The 2005 movie, directed by John Singleton, revolved around four adopted brothers (Wahlberg, Tyrese Gibson, Andre Benjamin and Garrett Hedlund) who come together to avenge their mother’s death in what at first appears to be a random robbery. Although not a massive hit, it still grossed a tidy $74 million in domestic boxoffice. [THR]

So the guy who came up with Entourage is teaming up with the producer behind the Asteroids movie?  That should be great.  Especially if Tyrese Gibson comes back, he’s like the black Cam Gigandet.  Also: how the hell is there going to be a fifth brother if the mother is dead?  Will necrophilia be involved?  God I hope so.

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