(I realize this video doesn’t work on some browsers, but find one on which it does. I promise it’s worth it.) This is John Mellencamp’s rejected football promo song.  I can’t imagine why they rejected it.  It perfectly sums up my Sundays. [via Cracked, thanks to Chodin for the tip]

DCJ Links:

• Your parakeet explains why he refuses to eat your diarrhea. |HolyTaco|
• A disaster porn retrospective. |Moviefone|
• Joss Whedon’s show that I never watched got canceled.  Damn, one of these days I’m going to be aware of something he does. |ScreenJunkies|
• Winona Ryder is doing Hallmark movies now. |Pajiba|
• A gallery of “now hiring” pictures. |CollegeHumor|
• Drunks vs. Highs. |Atom|
• Hot chicks dig skateparks. |Guyism|
• A sexy Yeti gives 401K advice. |G4|

I’ve long thought that people who make bad PSAs are as bad as child molesters, and these ultra-perverted anti-pedophilia ads (couple more after the jump) are as close as I’m going to get to proof.  When I’m king, those Truth kids and whoever decided to play that commercial with the dying guy with the nose tube and voice box every five minutes will have to register when they move into new neighborhoods.  On second thought, let’s just send them to camps. [via hookedonads]

DCJ Links:

• A rundown of Jewish aliens in pop culture.  Jewish aliens are the best to have, because they don’t make the property values go down. |heebMag|
• Confessions of a Ross employee. |HolyTaco|
• Fruit bats love oral sex, apparently. |Asylum|
• The five saddest Pick-Up Artist acronyms. |Guyism|
• Leaked Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2 footage features playable terrorists. |G4|
• Richard Kelly talks about his box.  The Box.  It’s full of secrets. |ScreenJunkies|
• Bruce Lee plays ping pong with nunchuks, lights matches with nunchuks in this video.  It’s not real, but it shows Nokia is a lot better at ads featuring dead celebrities than DirecTV. |WithLeather|
• This chick will teach you how to make the wookie noise, and sadly, that’s not a euphemism. |ToplessRobot|
• Live hard, drink hard, crash hard. |Atom|
• Woman calls 911 on herself for drunk driving.  Key quote: “You am them?” |FListed|

Read the rest of this entry »

Someone sent me this music video.  I suffered through it and now I’m sharing my misery with all of you.  It’s like everything bad crammed into one song.  At least watch until the electronic breakdown.

DAILY CIRCLE JERK LINKS:

• Take the 2009 Sex Survey.  Do they have write-in questions?  Why yes, I am masturbating right now. |CollegeHumor|
• Juan Manuel Marquez drinks his own pee.  No, that’s not an insult, here’s the video.  Damn, I normally have to pay extra for this. |Recall|
• DC Comics to become DC Entertainment, which sounds like it involves strippers but doesn’t. ;-(  |GeeksofDoom|
• Penalties for college freshmen. |HolyTaco|
• Preview of ‘Shank’. |G4|
• In India, superhero movies tech support YOU.  Wait, I think I’m doing this wrong again. |ScreenJunkies|
• The wit and wisdom of the Pokemon world champion. |ToplessRobot|
• You probably haven’t taken enough psychedelics to understand this clip of Charo on the Jerry Lewis Telethon.  ME: What year is this from, like 1985?  UFFORD: 2009.  |WarmingGlow|
• Movie Life is behind the scenes on a low-budget horror movie something something chicks in bikinis. |Buzzcuts|

[Thanks to Bdarbs for the video, and for pointing out that this is called "crabcore."]

POW!  I hope all you fly honeys is ready to sweat, ‘cuz this is the Maaahky Maaahk workout video.  Damn, girl, is you feelin’ the burn?  Feel it, feel it.  (thanks to Brad for the tip)

Daily Circle Jerk Links:

• Michael Crabtree needs a math lesson.  Not to mention a not-being-a-jerk lesson! |OpenSports|
• A gallery of awesome vanity plates.  We salute you, guy who spent $50 a year for “POOP”.  |HolyTaco|
• If horror movie ads went political. |ScreenJunkies|
• Every time someone yells “McFly!” in all three Back to the Futures, edited into one convenient video. |CollegeHumor|
• Remastered versions of God of War coming to Playstation 3.  |G4|
• The top 20 fictional mobsters, aka 20 fictional mobsters we could think of. |Gunaxin|
• Fictional wrestlers in movies.  Wait, aren’t all wrestlers fictional?  |UnrealityMag|
• I didn’t watch this video, but it’s called “Huge Dildo Teeth Knockout.”  |Atom|
• Guy tries to convince Danica Patrick that posing nude is not art.  Dear guy, shhhhuuuuuuut the f’ck up.  |OpenSports|
• The Iraqi shoe thrower wins his freedom. Meanwhile the American poo thrower continues to work at Fox. |SmokingSection|

I’m pretty sure this viral ad for Gushers isn’t actually from Germany, but then again all of the kids in it are white.  Either way, scary as a Nazi rally. [via PixelatedGeek]

DAILY CIRCLE JERK LINKS:

• How can Brett Favre heal the schism in the locker room?  My advice, stop worshiping idols like those potato-eating heathens on the eastern side of the locker room. Alternately, missionary anal.  (See? Something for everyone). |OpenSports|
• The best one-kick knockouts of all time. |epiccarnival|
• HOLY CRAP.  |HolyTaco|
• The Final Destination Death Montage. |ScreenJunkies|
• Review of Batman: Arkham Asylum.  It’s, like, a video game.  |G4|
• In a shocking turn of events, Jeremy Piven’s agent admits that he was lying about his mercury poisoning.  The real question is how the hell he keeps his hairline from receding.  He might be a wizard.  |Heeb|
• Video remix: To Catch a Time Traveler. |CollegeHumor|
• GRR, PIZZA VENDING MACHINE.  But where can I get used Japanese schoolgirl panties? |SmokingSection|