HollywoodLife reports that Lindsay Lohan will go topless for her role in Robert Rodriguez’ Machete opposite Danny Trejo, who probably almost stabbed me at Sundance.  She’ll be in a skinny-dipping scene opposite her onscreen mom, which I’d originally, mistakenly read as her real mom, hence the photoshop and headline.  I regret nothing.

HollywoodLife.com got a hold of the original Machete script, and as of now, Lindsay – who has about 10 minutes of screen time as gun-toting socialite April Benz – is slated to get wet and naked while swimming in a waterfall with Alicia Rachel Marek, 34, [the chick on the right in the picture above before I photoshopped it (NSFW)] who plays her mother, June.  [via WWTDD]

It’s sad that Lindsay’s only 23 and still a good two years removed from a time when I would’ve cared about seeing her topless.  It seems like every Hollywood actress spends the first 10 years of her career turning down nude scenes only to beg for them after she’s past her prime and desperate for attention.  So let this be a lesson to you, young actresses: show off the goods while the nectar’s still sweet.  This is how you’re going to be remembered.  It’s a message I try to drill into middle schoolers every day.

In what I can only hope is a lesson for young girls everywhere, it appears Freckletits’ posing naked stunt has totally paid off.

Lohan will join Jack Black in Ye Olde Times, a film that follows two rival renaissance fair troupes on the competitive circuit. …The film is set to shoot in April, with the cast also featuring Cary Elwes, Matthew Lillard, David Arquette, Ann Margaret, Orlando Jones and Molly Bryant [Zoinks! Weirdest cast ever! -Ed.]. [Source]

I wonder of Lindsay Lohan’s planning to gain a bunch of weight for this.  Because, as everyone knows, Ren Faires are where fat goth chicks go to pick up dudes by confusing them with 10 inches of corset-enhanced cleavage.  I mean… uh, so I’ve heard. Me? I’d rather stay home eating pussy and drinking beer than go to one of those, knowwhatahmsayin?  High five?  Guys still do that, right?

As reported earlier today by sister site masculine brother site WWTDD, Quentin Tarantino said recently that Lindsay Lohan "is one of the best actresses in Hollywood."

When asked if he’d ever cast Lindsay in a Kill Bill-type role, Tarantino said, "I could cast Lindsay in almost anything!"

As reported by anyone who’s ever seen him, Quinny The Chin is coked out of his face 24 hours a day.  I say a lot of things when I’m coked out of my face too.  Kooky stuff like, "Yeah, I love you too, grandma."

Still, coked up director + freckled up titties = anything can happen.