Usually Robert Rodriguez is pretty uncreative when he’s casting a movie. “Eh, I’ll just stick my slutty girlfriend in it,” he’s fond of saying. But Variety recently reported on the actors in line for Machete, which began production this week, and it’s like all my most feverish coma fantasies come true!
I don’t know how they ever got insured — with Danny Trejo and Michelle Rodriguez on the same set, they’ll have enough Latin machismo to power 1000 lowriders. I also hear that craft services won’t be offering any food, just cigarettes and Eagles records.
Lindsay Lohan can’t seem to book a job, and no one wants to insure her projects, so naturally she’s starting her own production company. Oh but wait, it gets better:
Lohan and Kristi Kaylor, who runs Lohan’s 6126 brand, named for Marilyn Monroe’s birthday, have created Unforgettable Prods [I'll give you an unforgettable prod, OH!]. The duo are developing several projects including a TV show called “Faux Real,” described as “Entourage” for the fashion world.
Sweet Jesus. The only thing I can imagine worse than a group of douchebags who hang all day around obsessing about their personality-free buddy’s fame is a group of chicks living the dream of being friends with a stylist. Wait, “Faux Real”? You mean as in, “fo real, dawg?” Haha, I just got that. *puts pistol in mouth*
There’s also a game show involving dating tentatively called “That’s What Friends Are For” and a “docu-cause” TV show the pair will produce in conjunction with a charitable organization. Kaylor said they’re also in the midst of optioning a couple of books — one for film and the other for TV. “We’re taking a 360-degree approach,” Kaylor said. [THR]
And by “360-degree approach” she means “looking around and around, desperately hoping someone will give a sh-t.”
Guess what, everyone: Lindsay Lohan got a job! Yaaay! Wait, does this mean she won’t have to do porn? Boooo!
Lindsay Lohan will topline indie fantasy comedy “The Other Side” alongside Woody Harrelson, Giovanni Ribisi, Dave Matthews and Alanis Morissette.
Story centers on a grad student who must spend the summer working at a scientific institute on a remote island. She discovers an eccentric community of characters who are hiding a secret about a tragedy that took place many years before.
Feature role is Lohan’s first since “I Know Who Killed Me” in 2007, when her career stalled over assertions of unprofessional behavior. [Variety]
Woody Harrelson… Dave Matthews… Yup, that’s the weirdest cast ever. I didn’t even know Dave Matthews acted. But it makes sense that he’s in a movie about a college student. Dave Matthews is to college what Kenny G is to dentists’ offices.
After “Zac Efron’s Pool Party“, Paris Hilton’s videos from a few months back, and now this eHarmony parody with Lindsay Lohan, it seems Funny or Die is fast becoming a medium for out-of-work actors to prove they have a sense of humor about themselves. Hard to say whether it’s working since none of these videos have been that funny, but if nothing else it proves they can read cue cards. This is easily Lindsay’s best performance since Mean Girls. I mean, I can only assume.
Read the rest of this entry »
I’m still on the fence when it comes to loving Family Guy or hating it (it’s hard to judge something where half the jokes make you laugh and the other half make you want to punch yourself). Regardless, I’ve always gotten the feeling that Seth MacFarlane would rather be making broadway musicals (take that for what you will). Recently, he went on Fox’s Talk Show with Spike Ferestein [Editor's note: What? Who?] to sing this mildly amusing musical number. “Valentine’s in Hollywood” references topical matters like Lindsay Lohan’s lesbionity, Tom Cruise’s gayness, and Angelina Jolie’s labia. No matter how you feel about Seth MacFarlane, you have to admit he has a ridiculous voice. Hard to imagine it coming out of a guy in his early 20s like he was when he started. It’s actually terrifying. Imagine getting served coffee by a guy who looks like Shia LaBeouf but has Harry Shearer’s voice. I’d probably just get scared and hit it with a shovel (always my first instinct).
[via BWE]
