You may remember a while back that Lindsay Lohan was supposedly attached to a biopic about Deepthroat porn star Linda Lovelace. That project, sadly, fell through before the crew even had a chance to experience the joy of working with a mature professional like Lindsay. Now we have Lovelace, directed by Howl directors Rob Epstein and Jeffrey Friedman, and starring Lindsay Lohan’s Mean Girls co-star Amanda Seyfried. Ah, Mean Girls, remember when Lindsay was the star and Amanda Seyfried was making her debut playing the dumb chick? There’s really no better illustration of their respective career paths than this.

Anyway, Lovelace is currently looking for a distributor at Sundance, and you can watch a clip below. It features creepy Wes Bentley asking her about the first time she had sex. She talks about her vagina as a delicate flower that opens in the sun and gets all loosened up to the point that it looks like she’s about to take her top off and let the creepy guy take pictures of her. Is this how Terry Richardson does it? Anyway, it’s an inspirational story of self-acceptance that every young girl should watch.

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Various versions of a Linda Lovelace biopic have been flouncing around town for years, including one version that was to star Lindsay Lohan (and was thus doomed from the outset) and another one that was set to star James Franco and Kate Hudson. Whatever discussions with Franco and Hudson that were going on have apparently since fallen through — I imagine a producer pulled the plug after he actually saw a picture of Kate Hudson — because now the same project, from Howl directors Rob Epstein and Jeffrey Friedman, is in talks with Amanda Seyfried and Peter Sarsgaard. “Hitler Youth Goes Porno,” they could call it. Hey, that’d be a great idea for a porno.

[from Variety]
W. Merritt Johnson and Andy Bellin wrote the script [for "Lovelace"], which is based on Eric Danville’s book “The Complete Linda Lovelace.”
Peter Sarsgaard, who was last seen as the villain in “Green Lantern,” is in early talks to portray Lovelace’s pornographer husband Chuck Traynor.
Lovelace is the infamous star of the 1972 porn flick “Deep Throat,” which is one of the highest-grossing independent films of all time. She was just a Florida schoolgirl named Linda Boreman when she met Traynor, a would-be filmmaker who transformed her into a world-famous sex star.
After years of being victimized, Lovelace quit the business and divorced Traynor, who she accused of taking advantage of her naivete and coercing her into porn and prostitution.

“Lovelace” is expected to start production in January, the same month that helmer Matthew Wilder’s rival project, “Inferno,” is slated to go before cameras [the one that was supposed to star Lindsay Lohan at on point. -Ed]. Based on Lovelace’s autobiography “Ordeal,” [Laziest. Memoir title. Ever.] film stars Malin Akerman and Matt Dillon as Lovelace and Traynor, as well as Paz de la Huerta in a supporting role. [Ooh, I wonder if she'll get naked.]

Amanda Seyfried is almost as weird a casting choice as Kate Hudson. Lindsay Lohan at least had the looking-like-a-freckly-slut-who-smokes-a-lot part down. Seyfried could definitely pull off “wide-eyed schoolgirl,” but probably not in that the way that they mean.

Oh, hello. I didn't see you there. I was busy being in every movie ever.

In shocking news that will shock you like an electric shock, Hollywood unknowns James Franco and Kate Hudson are attached to a movie. I know. How refreshing to see a couple up-and-comers get a chance, right? Hit me Deadline:

127 Hours star James Franco is in discussions to play pornographer Chuck Traynor in a Linda Lovelace film that will be directed by his Howl helmers Rob Epstein and Jeffrey Friedman. Kate Hudson has the offer to play the title role in Lovelace, the W. Merritt Johnson-scripted adaptation of Eric Danville’s book The Complete Linda Lovelace.

Just so we’re clear on this, there are two (2) movies in development that tell the life story of Linda Lovelace. Of course they’ll fill in the story with what led her to the star in Deep Throat, and the fallout of being in one of the most legendary porn films of all time, but it really seems like we skipped over some people in the biopic genre to get to her. I just imagine some coked-up exec making a list of people to make movies about that reads:

1) Ray Charles, legendary blind musician.
2) Johnny Cash, country icon.
3) George W. Bush, controversial President and timely news figure.
4) That one lady who could totally swallow a whole ding dong.

As far as the casting goes, I just have a few thoughts. First of all, while Kate Hudson is a nice actress and everything, I don’t know that I’ll buy her as a porn star. If I were in charge, I’d probably have cast someone with a little more… talent (*cups hands twelve inches from chest to indicate large breasts*). As far as James Franco, of course he’s in it. Why wouldn’t he be? I mean, it IS a movie.

James Franco GIF action after the jump

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Today in Shocking News You’ll Never Believe, Lindsay Lohan will no longer star as Linda Lovelace in the Linda Lovelace biopic no one thought would ever happen.  While pretending people still or ever cared about this project, “director” Matthew Wilder has announced that Malin Akerman will be taking Lindsay’s place.

Ultimately Wilder said the issue came down to “the impossibility” of insuring the actress “and some other issues.”  “We have stuck by Lindsay very patiently for a long time with a lot of love and support,” Wilding [sic] said. [HollywoodReporter]

While saying that he’d “rather not pick the scab” of Lohan’s firing, Wilder said that finding someone to provide insurance for the troubled actress “was proving a really tough obstacle.” [Perhaps even as tough as actually obtaining the rights to this story. -ed]
When asked whether Akerman had to audition to play the late porn star, Wilder replied, “Oh Lord no.” He added that he believed many moviegoers would be surprised by the “Couples Retreat” star and what he called her “strength and groundedness.” [LATimes]

Really?  Would we be surprised, Matthew?  Because at this stage, it seems like we know as much about her as you do.  To recap, back in May, there were two Lovelace biopic projects in the works.  Actually, there was one, from the guys who did Howl, until this guy Wilder announced out of the blue that he was doing one too, and the only reason anyone paid attention was that Lindsay Lohan was attached.  There was no way that was ever going to happen in the first place, but now he gets to be in the trades again with the news that he’s fired Lindsay from his mostly imaginary movie project.  And clearly his little publicity stunt has worked perfectly, because The Hollywood Reporter didn’t even bother to spell his name right.  I can’t wait for the next story three days from now when someone asks Malin Akerman about it.  “Max Wildmont?  Never heard of him.”

Lindsay's audition video

Last week I reported that Lindsay Lohan was attached to a Linda Lovelace biopic, a smaller, no-name-talent, rival production to a previously-announced Lovelace biopic. (To which Jacktion! astutely commented, “I think Lindsay Lohan is playing Linda Lovelace in the porn remake of the Linda Lovelace biopic.”)  ANYWAY, believe it or not, the film Lohan is set to star in, Inferno, has found a distributor at Cannes.  And this despite Lohan herself not being there, because she couldn’t find anyone to pay for her trip. Jeez, what’s the world coming to when a drugged-out, big-titted, bisexual, redheaded slut can’t even score a free trip to France?  I hate this economy.

If Lindsay Lohan makes it to Cannes this year, it’ll be on her own dime. We hear she’s been trying to swing a free trip to the film festival to wrangle money for her new Linda Lovelace biopic, “Inferno,” but no one’s willing to pay for her. “She’s been asking around, but hasn’t had any takers,” says a source. [NYPost]

International sales on Inferno, the porn biopic now confirmed to star Lindsay Lohan, will be handled by London-based sales house WestEnd Films. Adapted from the memoir of infamous sword-swallower Linda Lovelace, Inferno follows her destructive relationship with pornographer Chuck Traynor, and her subsequent involvement in the feminist anti-pornography [hateful fascist] movement. Lohan described Inferno as “a tragic love story…the truthfulness of it is in the ways the characters connect, even in very unhealthy ways, and can’t get away from each other, find themselves interlocked.  That element of Linda’s story feels to me very much like real life.” [TotalFilm - via Vulture]

Wait, you’re saying a nonfiction book about real life feels like real life?  Alert the media.  By the way, I find that last statement is funnier if you imagine Lindsay looking up from the book while speaking in the voice of David After Dentist.  “…Is this real life?”

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