This isn’t the most gracefully-edited mashup I’ve ever seen, and four minutes and thirty seconds is a long time to watch Leonardo DiCaprio freaking out, but still, it is four straight minutes of Leonardo freaking out.  I also could’ve used more Leonardo in What’s Eating Gilbert Grape.  But then I also said that about Schindler’s List.  That mashup and more, after the jump!

(*climbs into metallic pink smart car, speeds away*)

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(The Great Catsby, obvi)

When I first heard Baz Luhrmann would be making a film adaptation of The Great Gatsby, my first thought was, “BUT WILL IT BE DARK AND/OR GRITTY?   CAN IT BE UPDATED FOR CONTEMPORARY AUDIENCES? AND WHAT OF ADDING VAMPIRES?”  Looks like I might not be disappointed…

Praising the 3D format, director Baz Luhrmann told The Hollywood Reporter that he has workshopped his upcoming project The Great Gatsby in 3D, though he has not made a call about whether to shoot in the format.

I imagine the final call will depend on whether Luhrmann thinks the bulky 3D camera rig will be maneuverable enough for all the car chases and wire work.

(barely related)

With studios fighting over who gets to adapt the Family Circus comic strip (note: this actually happened), you figure it was only a matter of time before Hollywood got around to making the most famous novel of the 20th century, the book Hunter S. Thompson used to type over and over in the hopes it would rub off on him. But unless you count the costume orgy we filmed in my van, The Great Gatsby hasn’t been a movie since Jack Clayton’s 1974 version starring Robert Redford, adapted by Francis Ford Coppola.  Well now Baz Luhrmann’s making it, which would be great news if his last film wasn’t Australia.

Luhrmann has officially given the starring role in The Great Gatsby to Carey Mulligan.  Mulligan was a late entrant to an elite list of actresses that Luhrmann met with while he conducted readings with Leonardo DiCaprio, who’ll play Jay Gatsby. Tobey Maguire is expected to play his friend, Nick Carraway, who narrates the tale.

Luhrmann delivered the message to Deadline, and gave me the above photo he took of Mulligan during rehearsals, when she was in Daisy Buchanan mode on November 2. “I was privileged to explore the [Daisy Buchanan] character with some of the world’s most talented actresses, each one bringing their own particular interpretation, all of which were legitimate and exciting. However, I was thrilled to pick up the phone an hour ago to the young Oscar-nominated [for An Education] British actress Carey Mulligan and say to her: “Hello, Daisy Buchanan.” [Deadline]

Told from the perspective of a rich dude who finds himself running with a circle of even filthier rich dudes who get drunk and bang each others’ girlfriends, many say the F. Scott Fitzgerald classic was a precursor to later Josh Schwartz shows such as The OC and Gossip Girls.

Leonardo DiCaprio’s next project may not be as the Riddler as some people with no lives or sources had projected, but it’s certainly going to slay audiences. Because he’ll be playing a serial killer. Slay… hell yeah, my jokes is legit today. DiCaprio’s production company has acquired the rights to the Erik Larson book “The Devil in the City” which chronicles the exploits of Dr. HH Holmes, who is believed to be America’s first serial killer. I like to think he was also America’s first FilmDrunkard. *wipes away single tear, stabs hobo*

Holmes built and operated the World’s Fair Hotel in Chicago in 1893 as the Queefy Windy City was hosting the great event. He lured young, single women to his establishment and murdered them. In his defense, they kept calling room service and asking for hot sausage, giggling, and then hanging up. Holmes is believed to have been responsible for between 27 and 200 murders, and that lack of records is a shame. A guy devotes his life to killing people and nobody even cares to keep an accurate record. I will just assume they were Cubs fans and be content with the good doctor’s work.

Lure me into your trap for sinister details of how this deal was done, Deadline:

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We’ve known about Clint Eastwood’s planned bye-oh-pic of J. Edgar Hoover since April, and the last we heard, he wanted Leonardo Di Caprio to play Hoover. At some point, Joaquin Phoenix was discussed for Clyde Tolson, Hoover’s protege and lover.  (Oh yeah, spoiler alert, J. Edgar Hoover was gay). Anyway, Reuters recently spoke to Eastwood, and they discovered part of the story wasn’t true.  Guess which part.

“No. I don’t know where that came from…didn’t he become a rapper?” Eastwood said, when asked about recent reports Phoenix was being considered for the role. Phoenix had taken on rapping in a hoax that surrounded the making of a mock documentary film called “I’m Still Here” about his supposed transition.
Oscar-winning director Eastwood did say that DiCaprio definitely wants the role of Hoover. “It’s a great role for him,” Eastwood said, adding that the film’s makers were “in the process” of signing contracts with DiCaprio. [Reuters]

“This one here, didn’t he go off to make the jungle music?”

“No, no, Clint.  It was just performance art.  A ‘mock-joaqumentary’, some people are calling it.”

(*cocks pistol*)

“You see, the rap stuff wasn’t for real, that was just our meditation on celebrity culture.  As Pablo Picasso once said, ‘Art is the lie that tells the tru–’”

“Is someone gonna get this jabberin’ gook off my lawn?”