"And don't EVER, let them play with my cars."

It should come as no surprise to anyone that Legendary Pictures and Mattel want to make a Hot Wheels movie.  There’ve already been plans to adapt Candyland, Ouija Boards, Battleship (with a $200 million budget), View-Finder, Bazooka Joe, and a dump Jerry Bruckheimer once took that looked like a pigeon, so wanting to make a movie that Pixar already made twice isn’t exactly a shocker. The big question is, which moronic movie producer adjective will they use to describe it? Dark? Gritty? Edgy? Contemporary? In the vein of the 300?

Interest in a Hot Wheels movie is revving up again, with Legendary Entertainment in early negotiations with Mattel to acquire film rights to the popular toy car line.
The deal would keep the project parked at Warner Bros., where Legendary is based.
No director or writers have yet been hired, but the potential pic is not targeted at the kids who buy Hot Wheels. Instead, the plan is to produce an edgier pic along the lines of Universal’s box office success “Fast Five.” [Variety]

Collect your prize, people who had “edgy” in the idiot producer-speak poll (I probably shouldn’t have spoiled this in the headline).  Interesting that they’re targeting the Fast Five audience rather than kids who buy Hot Wheels.  I guess it makes sense.  Adults who buy Hot Wheels probably have more disposable income.  What with the disability checks and such.
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(Some Photoshop work by Ufford)

Another Godzilla movie is on the way from Warner and Legendary Pictures in 2012.  If you’re wondering why Godzilla wasn’t in 2012, which probably would’ve made it better and more believable, it’s only because Roland Emmerich already made a Godzilla movie.  Anyway:

Said Thomas Tull, chairman and CEO of Legendary: “Our plans are to produce the Godzilla that we, as fans, would want to see. We intend to do justice to those essential elements that have allowed this character to remain as pop culturally relevant for as long as it has.” Added Jeff Robinov, president of Warner Bros. Pictures Group, “Godzilla is emblematic of the kind of branded, event films for which Warner Bros. and our partners at Legendary are best known.”

The two companies have partnered on such global properties as “Batman Begins,” “The Dark Knight,” “Superman Returns” and “The Hangover,” which have grossed more than $2 billion worldwide. Together, they have a remake of “Clash of the Titans” stomping into theaters Friday. [via HollywoodReporter]

Clash of the Titans is already a CGI-monster smashes sh*t movie, they could probably re-use most of the same graphics.  And have master of dialects Sam Worthington tackle a brand new accent.  “Oi, mate, lookat what we got heah.  It’s a bloody, uh.. godzira.”

Or, as previously suggested, have Mo’Nique play the part of Godzilla:

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After Spider-Man 3, it was nice to see Sam Raimi go back to his roots with Drag Me to Hell.  But his return to smaller films won’t last long as he’s now signed to direct World of Warcraft, perhaps the ultimate no-win project for a director.

The plan is for Raimi to supervise development of “Warcraft” and shoot the picture after he completes work on “Spider-Man 4,” which gets under way early next year.  The “Warcraft” universe [and by "universe" they mean "video game"] features an epic conflict between the Horde and the Alliance. The game has developed a global following since its launch in 1994 and shows no signs of slowing. Its most recent expansion, “Wrath of the Lich King,” sold more than 2.8 million copies in the first day of release and more than 4 million its first month. [Variety]

Something tells me the movie will be more like the wrath of suck king, amirite?  Haha, good one, Jay.  Anyway, every video game movie so far has been tremendously sucky, but this time they’ve got an unquestionably huge-name game paired with an established, respected director.  If this still ends up sucking, can we all agree that movies based on video games are a bad idea and stop attempting them forever?  Haha, of course that’ll never happen, now get off my lawn.  LIGHTNING BOLT!  LIGHTNING BOLT!

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