“Hey, come on, man, that carpet really tied the airport together.”
So as you can see, Bronson Pelletier, a 25-year-old actor who played one of the handsome wolf dudes in Twilight, got kicked off a plane for being too drunk and was later caught on video peeing on the floor in LAX. Pelletier sounds like a French name, and not being able to hold your liquor or pee on airplines is kind of a French thing (it’s cultural, you wouldn’t understand). Pelletier looks like he was gathering up his things on the way to the drunk tank, when, unlike the abstinent protagonists of a Stephenie Meyers novel, he just couldn’t wait any longer. So he unsheathed and loosed a warm piss stream right there in the baggage claim. The security guard actually steadies Pelletier’s shoulder to keep him from falling over while he’s peeing, which is far and away the nicest thing I’ve ever seen an airport security guard do. He wins the good bro award for doing solids in the line of duty, far as I’m concerned (bonus points if he’d timed the pee). Of course, it doesn’t last long before a cop passes by and sees an already-detained helpless drunk not being f*cked with and runs over to remedy the situation by throwing Pelletier down and kneeing him in the back while he screams. Nice work, asshole, I don’t know what’d we’d ever do without you.