"ERECTION, YOUR ONION, THE DEFENSE BREASTS!"

After the jump, I’ve got the trailer for Puncture, in which Chris Evans plays a drug-addicted lawyer fighting a massive healthcare conspiracy in an indie drama he signed on for before Captain Amurka. I could tell you more about it, but really I just wanted to post this picture of Chris Evans lawyering shirtless (HOW DID HE STEAL THIS ROLE FROM MCCONAUGHEY?!) in a motel room for a mock jury of skanks. This is exactly how I’ve always imagined Danger Guerrero‘s legal career. “Your honor, I’m going to level with you. I may not have a ‘fancy law degree’ or ‘pants’. I’m just an ol-fashioned country boy with chiseled biceps and an ass you could bounce a quarter off. But one thing I do know, is that if you steal a man’s hot pockets, that man is entitled to retribution! Now can I get an amen?”

CAT JURY: Meow.

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The U.S. formally filed a request for Roman Polanski’s extradition today, and only a whole month after they requested his arrest.  The Swiss authorities, who, to reiterate, arrested Polanski a month ago, will now be holding a hearing at an unspecified future date to decide whether to send him back to Los Angeles, even though, again, I’m just reiterating the facts here, him being wanted in Los Angeles was the entire reason they arrested him in the first place.

If extradition is approved, Polanski may appeal the decision to Switzerland’s top criminal court and, theoretically, to the Federal Supreme Court.
That means the could remain in a Swiss jail for months more of legal wrangling, even though legal experts say he has little chance of avoiding a return to the U.S. after 31 years as a fugitive.
The maximum sentence Polanski can receive in California is two years, the Justice Ministry said.
“In the American case, he declared himself guilty of having sexual relations with a minor,” spokesman Folco Galli told Europe-1 radio. “According to American law currently in force, the maximum penalty for the crime in question is two years in prison.”
Galli said the sentence couldn’t be longer because Polanski could only be punished for the crime that is the basis of his extradition. He didn’t say specifically whether Polanski was being pursued for fleeing justice in 1978, and Los Angeles authorities couldn’t immediately be reached for verification. [Variety]

Of course they couldn’t be reached.  You probably have to fax them a formal request to be reached, then they schedule a hearing at an unspecified date on whether to approve that request, and after a few weeks of the lawyers playing XBox and eating Cheetos out of their briefcases, they decide whether to comment.  This is just how the legal system works.

Roman Polanski was denied bail for the second time by a Swiss court today after pledging his holiday home in Switzerland as collateral and proposing electronic monitoring as a way to ensure he wouldn’t flee.

The court said Polanski was still too much a flight risk. Something Polanski’s French lawyer Herve Temime fervently denies.
“What everyone forgets is that if Roman Polanski fled 32 years ago, it was because he felt betrayed by the American justice system,” Temime told Swiss television. “What one forgets is that 32 years ago, no one in the world wanted him to go to jail, not even for one day. For the past 32 years he has demonstrated to what extent he is not a danger to anyone, to what extent he is not a ‘sex criminal’ as one often hears.”

“So let me get this straight: your argument is that your client spent the last 32 years on the run simply because he had his feelings hurt, and now because of that, you say we should let him out again?  We do not know how it works in France, Mr. Temime, but this court does not award ‘points for sheer balls.’”

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