Perhaps nothing is as rare in movie news as what I’m about to report: a pleasant surprise.  After Fox performed dry anal rape on the X-Men franchise by hiring Brett Ratner for X3, following it up with a lame Wolverine movie, and announcing that the Gossip Girls guy would write the teen version called X-Men First Class, today it seems they at least have the common godd*mn decency to give it a reach around.  They got Bryan Singer (who also reportedly came up with the story) to produce, and he brought on Kick-Ass director Matthew Vaughn to direct.  I can’t think of a better choice, except perhaps Diora Baird, our nation’s greatest hero.

“I’ve been a fan of Matthew’s since Layer Cake,” said Singer.  
First Class chronicles the beginning of the X-Men saga, before Charles Xavier and Erik Lensherr took the names Professor X and Magneto and when they were discovering their powers for the first time.  Close friends thn, the two men worked with other mutants (some familiar, some new) to stop a global threat.  In the process, a rift between them opened, which began the eternal war between Magneto’s Brotherhood and Professor X’s X-Men.  The studio has dated the pic for a June 3, 2011 release. [Variety]

Fox making a good decision?  I had to look out the window to make sure it wasn’t raining frogs and dogs and cats having sex with each other.  Also, I never thought of this before, but X-Men is supposed to be an allegory for the civil rights movement — it’s interesting that Magneto is the Malcolm X, while Professor X is Martin Luther King, and yet it’s Xavier who ended up with the Black Muslim last name.  And if you’re just joining us, this has been another exciting episode of “Deep Thoughts That Didn’t Go Anywhere.”

Oh and sure, make the Jewish one the bad guy.  Typical Hollywood.

Before Brett Ratner came in and took a giant dump on the franchise, Bryan Singer directed X-Men and X-Men 2, probably my favorite two comic book movies outside of Dark Knight and Spider-Man 2.  That’s why, even though Superman Returns and Valkyrie were pretty lame, it’s big news that he just signed on to direct X-Men: First Class.  But temper your excitement, because The OC/Gossip Girls‘ Josh Schwartz is writing the script and it’s about teenage mutants. That’s right, and the studio is Fox.

If you don’t remember, writer Josh Schwartz of “The O.C.” and “Gossip Girl” will be penning the script which, if [producer] Lauren Schuler Donner has her way, won’t be toning down the intensity of the X-Men. Donner said previously: “We want it to be like the recent, darker Potters. It should not be a kiddie movie: we’re in the X-Men world so you can’t suddenly change the tone. The First Class comics are really fun — they’re funnier than any other comics I’ve read. Basically in each one the kids are fighting strange villains, sometimes it’s aliens, sometimes it’s monsters. I want to get a flavour of that world.” [FirstShowing]

Sounds kinda like X-Men meets Monster Squad or the X-Files, which could be cool with someone really talented running the show.  Too bad it’s Fox, who I wouldn’t trust to wash my car.  And knowing Josh Schwartz, the kids’ mutations will be stuff like being only moderately rich in a town full of filthy rich people, or having super gay eyebrows.

UPDATE FROM THE FUTURE: False alarm, looks like Matthew Vaughn’s directing.

(Wolverine gets super pissed when you suggest wearing sleeves. It’s already a sore subject for his posse.)

Unlike most of the other Marvel properties, Fox still owns the rights to X-Men.  And, as I often say of your mother, that’s a cow dey gon’ milk.  Empire recently caught up with producer Lauren Shuler Donner to get a status update on all the planned X-Men spinoffs, including Wolverine 2, Deadpool, X-Men First Class, Magneto, and xXx-Men: Marvel goes Diesel.  Just kidding about that last one, but this is Fox we’re talking, don’t be surprised.

On Wolverine 2:
“That’s the furthest along of all the X-Men projects on the boil. It’s actually the story we wanted to use for the first Wolverine film, but [Fox head honcho] Tom Rothman preferred to set the character up with an origin story first.  This movie will really focus on the relationship between Wolverine and Mariko, the daughter of a Japanese crime lord, and what happens to him in Japan.
And we wanted an A+ writer, so we want to Chris McQuarrie (Valkyrie, The Usual Suspects). He came in and has tightened the story and got really immersed in the whole thing – he’s in Japan in his head!

Donner added, “He keeps rubbing up against women on the subway, and the other day he tried to buy my daughter’s panties.  Someone’s gonna have to talk to the guy.”

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