A Memphis woman is making headlines this week after announcing plans to marry a cardboard cutout of Twilight‘s Edward Cullen. See? I told you this would happen if we elected Obama.

“I’m definitely not used to this level of attention but I’m really pleased with it,” said Memphis College of Art graduate Lauren Adkins. “It’s been kind of a shock.”

You announced your wedding to a cardboard cutout and you say you’re enjoying all the attention? Nooo. Someone, please, revive me with smelling salts and fetch me a new monocle.

Adkins is making a big splash with her art project, her thesis for her masters at the University of Las Vegas.
“It’s a theatrical performance in which I’ll be marrying Edward Cullen,” Adkins said.
It will actually be a cardboard cutout of the lead character in the enormously popular Twilight movies, featuring vampire Edward Cullen. His cut out will be at the altar with Adkins at a Las Vegas Chapel. There will be guests and a reception. Just like a real wedding.

Ahh, so it’s a performance art piece. Somewhere, James Franco’s dicknose is half tumescent. Meanwhile, in a symbolic gesture, Adkins’ father plans to hold a competing ceremony, divorce proceedings him and $20 grand.

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