Kirsten Dunst gets naked for Lars Von Trier’s upcoming film Melancholia, the kind of news that probably would’ve popped a blood vessel in my eye if this was 2003. It’s not nearly as graphic (or sexy) as what Charlotte Gainsbourg had to go through on Von Trier’s last film, Antichrist, but in a recent interview with The Guardian, Dunst says she wouldn’t have been able to get away with that role anyway. Because her dang boobs are just so darn big.

Look, she says: she agreed to make Melancholia because she loved the script. It’s not as if he had asked her to make Antichrist, the director’s previous film, in which Charlotte Gainsbourg played a bereaved mother who mutilates her own genitals. “That kind of film is harder for someone like me to get away with. I’m more in the public eye than Charlotte.” She pauses to reconsider. “It’s something about Charlotte’s body, too. You couldn’t have someone like me, with big breasts, in that film. Charlotte’s thin and her breasts are small and that’s easier to watch somehow. For someone like me to do that film – it would almost be ridiculously shocking.”

Kirsten Dunst complaining about the discrimination she faces as a big-breasted actress is a lot like me complaining about the disadvantages of being a white male. You’re not always wrong, but in light of the other advantages, it’s probably best to just shut the f*ck up.

"Ignore za fox, he ist very racist."

According to a statement from Lars Von Trier, Von Trier was questioned by police in Denmark “in connection with charges made by the prosecution of Grasse in France from August 2011 regarding a possible violation of prohibition in French law against justification of war crimes.”

Presumably, the supposed charges stem from comments Von Trier made that got him banned from the Cannes Film Festival. The lesson here being that if you make a bad joke that could loosely be construed as pro-Hitler, the country that actually let Hitler run things for five years is going to be pissed about it.

“Today at 2 p.m. I was questioned by the Police of North Zealand in connection with charges made by the prosecution of Grasse in France from August 2011 regarding a possible violation of prohibition in French law against justification of war crimes,” he wrote in a statement.

“Due to these serious accusations I have realized that I do not possess the skills to express myself unequivocally and I have therefore decided from this day forth to refrain from all public statements and interviews,” the Melancholia filmmaker continued. |THR|

Von Trier went on to say, “I haff realized za error uff mein vays. For eenstance, ven I see pregnant Jewish women on za schtreet, I vill no longa say to zem, ‘Achtung, Fraulein, I zee you haff a Jew een za oven!’ …Hallo? Hallo? Ist zeess sing on? Oh how can I get out of zeess sentence… Kirsten, I don’t seenk zeess mic ist vorking.”

On a serious note, here’s video and a partial transcript of what Von Trier said that got him banned from the festival:

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Last week’s massacre in Norway that killed 77 people in Oslo and Utøya was the worst tragedy to befall that nation since a møøse bit my sister (too soon?). But as with all spree killings, the media is wasting no time trying to get the accused to make us a mix tape. According to Facebook, Anders Breivik’s third favorite film (behind Gladiator and 300) was Lars Von Trier’s Dogville. The twist is, this time around, even Von Trier (whom you may remember was recently banned from Cannes) admits that his film, which ends with “a crescendo of violence. The town is burned and all its citizens are brutally murdered by the gangsters,” bears some similarity to the massacre.

“I feel badly about thinking that Dogville, which in my eyes is one of my most successful films, should have been a kind of script for him,” Von Trier said. “It’s horrific.”
“My intention with Dogville was totally opposite. Namely, to ask whether we can accept a protagonist who takes revenge on the entire village. And here I take the absolute distance from revenge. It’s a way to nuance the protagonist and our feelings and perhaps even uncover it, so it just is not black and white ‘.
“And you can ask if I regret making the film,” Von Trier is quoted as saying. “And yes, if it was an inspiration, I’m sorry that I made it. But of course I have educational purposes with my films, even if I hesitate to admit it, and my views are the complete opposite of Breivik and his deeds.”
“The other day asked a Belgian journalist asked Von Trier, a Dane, how he feels about the reported fact that Breivik’s manifesto repeatedly emphasizes Denmark as the only decent country because of the Danish policy towards Muslims,” Thoren writes.
“‘It makes me really hurt, but I understand it well,’ Von Trier replied. ‘We might have saved the children and young people on the island [if we had] done much more with [the far-right] Danish People’s Party. For it is the change in attitude which they have provoked, and as we just have let happen, we are paying the price for now. [from a Danish interview translated by HollywoodElsewhere]

“I sink eet eez strange because all of zeez years I sink I am Danish. Oont zen one day I vake up and discover zat I am a neo-Nazi! Ja, I have neo-Nazi blood! And all of ziss time I did not know it! Okay, okay, I don’t mean zat I want to shoot Norwegians — unless one of zem is Susanne Bier! –I just mean zat… Oh how do I get out of ziss sentence? I mean zat I understand Anders Breivik. Ja, I understand him. Sitting in front of his computer, shooting all of zose people, hating Muslims, I understand him, you know? …Hallo, eez zeess sing on? I guess I just vish za shooter had been a Juden, because zen zair’s no way he would haff been so generous viss all of zose bullets! …Hallo? Kirsten? I don’t seenk zeess mic is working. …Ja, ja, great crowd! Now. Are zere any gypsies or homosexuals een za audience…”

Well sure we paraded around this crazy Dane with "F*CK" written on his knuckles, but we never expected him to say something offensive!

You can read the full quote of what Lars Von Trier said at Cannes the other day in the bottom half of this post, but I think any sane person would agree that it was pretty obvious that he was joking.  But it seems that it’s getting harder and harder for people nowadays to differentiate between an off-color joke and actual discrimination. And so to avoid having any rational discussion that might challenge the PC status quo, the faceless Cannes Film Festival board of directos ran away from Lars Von Trier like a bunch of spineless, intellectually cowardly pussies and declared him “persona non-grata.”  They acted, to borrow an overused cliché, like Frenchmen.

His dark sense of humor was clearly lost on Cannes’ board of directors, who, despite a swift apology from the director, held a meeting today and voted to blacklist von Trier from the festival. In a statement they said, “The board of directors profoundly regrets that this forum has been used by Lars von Trier to express comments that are unacceptable, intolerable, and contrary to the ideals of humanity and generosity that preside over the very existence of the festival. The Board of Directors firmly condemns these comments and declares Lars von Trier a persona non grata at the Festival de Cannes, with effect immediately.” [Popeater]

It is still unclear what Cannes ban, the first applied to a director in living memory, will mean for Von Trier. The director said he would not be allowed “within 100 meters” of the Festival Palais and red carpet, meaning he will not attend the Cannes awards ceremony on Sunday, but was not certain if his films would also be banned.

“It’s a pity because (Jewish festival head) Gilles Jacob is a close personal friend of mine,” Von Trier said. “What I said was completely stupid but I am absolutely no Mel Gibson … What I meant was I could imagine what it was like for Hitler in the bunker, making plans. Not that I would do what Hitler did. But it’s a pity if it means I will lose contact with Cannes.”
Von Trier pointed to his own background – his stepfather is Jewish and he grew up thinking he had Jewish roots – to indicate how ridiculous it would be to call him an anti-Semite. [THR]

These A-holes love to hide behind supposed “ideals” as if they actually believe in them, when clearly it’s just fashion.  They would never take the time to actually try to understand something someone said, because whether it was actually offensive or not is beside the point: it might make them look bad. That’s what matters.  They would make great Nazis.  And speaking of Mel Gibson, he got a standing ovation over there the other day.  If only Von Trier had been banned from an American film festival, or been convicted of rape here, then he could go back over there like a conquering hero (and yes, OF COURSE they kiss Roman Polanski’s ass every chance they get).  Sorry for my lack of an arch, humorous take on this, but in terms of fulfilling negative stereotypes, this is the French equivalent of Flava Flav’s fried chicken restaurant.

Earlier today, I told you about Lars Von Trier’s now-infamous “I’m a Nazi” declaration at the Cannes press conference for his film, Melancholia.  That naturally put outraged queef bubbles in all the girls’ panties, and Von Trier has since been forced to issue an apology, because you know how girls are when you get them going. (*makes “yap yap yap” symbol with hand*)

PREVIOUS, 9:05 AM: The Cannes Film Festival has just issued a press release saying it was disturbed by von Trier’s comments and asked for an explanation from the Danish director, who it said has apologized.
The Festival de Cannes was disturbed about the statements made by Lars von Trier in his press conference this morning in Cannes. Therefore the Festival asked him to provide an explanation for his comments.
The director states that he let himself be egged on by a provocation. He presents his apology.
The direction of the Festival acknowledges this and is passing on Lars von Trier’s apology. The Festival is adamant that it would never allow the event to become the forum for such pronouncements on such subjects.

Director Lars von Trier: “If I have hurt someone this morning by the words I said at the press conference, I sincerely apologize. I am not anti-semitic or racially prejudiced in any way, nor am I a Nazi.” [Deadline]

I always appreciate it when a guy apologizes if you were offended without acknowledging saying anything offensive.  It’s only fair.  Despite what people would have you believe, being offended in and of itself does not make you right.  Nonetheless, I’m sure the Anti-Defamation League will still try to spin this into some kind of donation drive, you know how those Jews are.  Oh crap, did I type that?  Sorry, it’s just that I’ve been drinking like an Indian lately, and now here I am, drunker than an Irish Mick, spouting off like a black guy at a horror movie.  I’ve really gone off the reservation.  Anyway, I’m sorry if you all failed to see humor in deliberate offensiveness, but lighten up, Ayatollah, this isn’t a mosque.  Jeez, look at you, angrier than a guinea on bath day.

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