^{Run for your lives, it’s Larry Miller!}

Dreamworks just released a new trailer for Monsters vs. Aliens, and thankfully, the concept seems a lot more inspired than Kung Fu Panda.  It has the usual collection of celebrity voice talent including Reese Witherspoon, Seth Rogen, Will Arnett, and Stephen Colbert, but more importantly, it’s the first film to be developed entirely in 3D from start to finish, rather than just created conventionally and converted afterwards.  I don’t know how that’ll affect my experience as a viewer, exactly, but I have my fingers crossed that it leads to me saying “Whoooooaaaa” a lot.
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^{“Baby Ruth?” Miller asked reporters at a recent press conference.}

Larry Miller, owner of the Utah Jazz and the Megaplex Theater chain, has banned Kevin Smith’s Zack and Miri Make a Porno (trailer), a week after showing Saw V on the same screens. It’s a good thing they didn’t go with the original title, Ajax & Genie Make a Torture Porn.

“We feel [Zack and Miri] is very close to an NC-17 with its graphic nudity and graphic sex,” the chain’s General Manager Cal Gunderson [who I guaran-goddamn-tee you hasn't seen it] said. Asked why Megaplex has no problem showing the R-rated, ultra-violent “Saw V,” which shows a man forced to crush his own hands to escape a pendulum cutting him in half, Gunderson said: “No comment.” [NY Post]

Gunderson doesn’t own the company and this probably wasn’t his decision, so I’m not sure why they went to him for comment, unless it’s because he has a silly name.  Okay yeah, that makes sense.  In any case, this isn’t the first time Mormon businessman Larry Miller, who presumably (and hopefully) reproduces asexually has faced controversy.  Other greatest hits:

Banned Brokeback Mountain in 2006.  Said he was concerned about “getting away from the traditional families”, what he called “a very dangerous thing.”

As the owner of a UPN affiliate, he demanded in 2000 the right to breach his contract with the network if it increased its “urban/ethnic programming” to more than two hours per week, due to lack of minorities within the Salt Lake Metropolitan.

Was sued by Casa Bonita, a Lakewood, Colorado restaurant for violation of intellectual property rights and unfair competition. They claimed that after Miller visited the restaurant several times and even asked to see the books, he opened a Utah knockoff called “The Mayan“.

“He is also known for his immense sense of caring and commonly cries at public speaking events such as Jazz player resigning and charity events.” *cough* PUSSY! *cough, cough*

But I’m sure he’s not a bad guy.  He is well known for his charitable endeavors, including building a $21 million training center for cops and prison guards, and donating generously to the Utah Minutemen and National Guard.  What a great man.  After all, f-ck starving children and AIDS orphans, the most important charities are the ones that keep Mexicans off your lawn.  I think I speak for everyone when I say, “May your children turn gay and marry negroes in France, you cocksucker.”