A guy in Times Square dressed as Spider-Man allegedly punched a 44-year-old mother of two after she didn’t pay him for posing for pictures with her two kids. You know, I’ve been predicting exactly these kinds of growing pains as the commemorative pictures industry tries to come to terms with a digital camera world. But I promise, this isn’t even the best part of the story.

Philip Williams, 35, was dressed as the web-slinging superhero when he was arrested for punching the 44-year-old woman at about 3:10 p.m., police said.

Williams allegedly belted the mother after she wouldn’t pay him for posing with her two kids, causing the woman to storm off and get her husband.

Waaaait for it…

But she ended up targeting the wrong Spider-Man for revenge.

I don’t blame her, I blame that goddamned Willem Dafoe screaming at her in the mirror. You can hardly think with that guy around.

“A woman came to me and said, ‘What did you do to me, you f–ker?’ ” said the other Times Square Spidey, who wouldn’t give his name.
“Her husband came over and said it was a different Spider-Man. They went over to the other one and started fighting.”
Witnesses said the woman’s husband then pounded the offending Spider-Man with a backpack before cops arrived to bust Spidey.
Williams was charged with assault.
“Getting arrested isn’t good for any of us,” said Times Square worker Christian, who dresses as Big Bird. “It makes us all look bad.”

A guy dressed as Big Bird worrying that this “makes us all look bad” is just about the funniest image I can imagine, so thanks for that, New York Post. I like to imagine there was another guy there talking through a howdy doody puppet saying, “Yeah! Jutht becauthe we dreth in cothtumes, it doethn’t mean we’re crathy!” while the other assembled cartoon characters twitterered affirmations.

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Hey, remember Knights of Badassdom? Okay, maybe you don’t, but two Comic-Cons ago I saw a guy with a centaur costume with extra horse legs that moved along with his real legs, and another six-foot-six dude with a giant stuffed bear’s head, and I thought they were the best costumes I’d ever seen. Then I found out they were pros, hired to promote a comedy set in the world of LARPing and Ren Faires and lightning bolts, Knights of Badassdom.

Like I said, that was two years ago, and movies rarely age like wine. The film, from relative unknowns Joe Lynch (director) and writers Kevin Dreyfuss and Matt Wall, still doesn’t have a release date, but it does have a new trailer, starring Peter Dinklage, Danny Pudi (Abed from Community), Jimmi Simpson (McPoyle from It’s Always Sunny), Steve Zahn, and Summer Glau. It seems like weird stuff like this always happens to Steve Zahn movies, doesn’t it? What else do you say about a guy who’s been in Sahara, Strange Wilderness, *and* Daddy Day Care? If actors were half as superstitious as sailors, he’d have gotten his jinxing ass thrown overboard years ago.

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File this under “when cosplay goes wrong.” Meet

THOU DOST KNOWETH THE RULES! ACT NOT LIKE A FROTHY WENCH, AND EXPECTETH NOT TREATMENT AS ONE! FIE!

According to police, the teen was forced to dress in armor and fight her stepfather with a wooden sword for two hours. Police also said the stepfather beat his stepdaughter with a tree branch prior to the duel. Investigators said she collapsed from exhaustion.

Ah, weakening your opponent before the match, eh? The old Gladiator trick. Very clever.

The couple told officers they punished the teen for going to a party without their permission.
Investigators learned the couple is part of a group of Renaissance enthusiasts, who recreate fights from the medieval era.
Officers said the parents told them it was their right to discipline their child however they see fit.
Police said the girl’s mother witnessed the abuse. She is employed at a day care in Yelm. [MSNBC]

TELL ME, “BRITNEY.” WHAT IS BEST IN LIFE? …CUTE BOYS? CUTE BOYS?!?! WRONG ANSWER, BRITNEY!! FETCH YOUR FATHER’S CUDGEL! THE HOUSE OF LANNISTER TOLERATES NOT THINE INSOLENCE!

On the one hand, she probably deserved it. On the other, having parents who are renaissance faire enthusiasts is already punishment enough.

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I know you’re probably sick of hearing about it by now, but I’ve got just a couple more batches of pictures from Comic-Con to get through before we can finally put this thing to bed and get back to normal posting. (With the new site design, I believe you can click pictures for enlarged versions).

The Root of All Art

So Comic-Con has become known as this huge event where movie studios and TV outlets go to announce their new projects and pander to the “true fans.” And that part’s pretty much all  bullsh*t and empty hype. But if there is still something great about it, it’s seeing some accountant or software engineer who’s spent the last 28 months of his life and countless money and man hours turning his rascal scooter into a working Delorean. And for the one or two days of the year they get to show off, those guys are the ABSOLUTE PIMP SH*T, with strangers literally shoving celebrities out of the way to take their picture. I saw one guy dressed as a centaur with FULL-SIZED HORSE LEGS THAT F*CKING MOVED WHEN HE WALKED.

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"Excuse me, Ma'am? I'd be happy to check your luggage, but first I'm going to need to inspect your 'bags."

Here’s part two of my Comic Con Photo Diary. This batch containing EVEN MORE CLEAVAGE!  With EVEN LESS PANEL COVERAGE! Actually, after about three hours of walking around taking pictures of every sexy, revealing, funny, or cool costume I could find, I found that my peripheral vision had become so finely attuned to shapeliness or cleavage of any kind (yes, even more so than usual), that any time a voluptuous lass hove into my field of view, I found I’d spun around to face her with my camera out asking if I could take a picture before my conscious mind had even caught up to what I was doing. Let me just say that if the busty lady in question isn’t actually wearing a costume at the time, this can lead to an unpleasant situation. I take full blame for that. In fact, that’s rule number one for Comic-Con: if you want to take a picture of an attractive lady, first check to make sure she’s wearing a costume or is a promo girl of some kind, otherwise your picture request will just seem creepy, confusing, pathetic, and strange. But FilmDrunkards, I make these mistakes so that you don’t have to. (Call me sexist if you must, my girlfriend took half of these.)

Scroll on for more, starting with the Slave Leias, for obvious reasons (MO MONEY, MO MONEY, MO MONEY!). This won’t be my last batch, so look out for that sometime this afternoon or tomorrow. See also Part One here (and last year’s Comic-Con galleries here, here, here, and here).
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