File this under “when cosplay goes wrong.” Meet Fremon Seay. The Yelm, Washington stepfather of a 16-year-old girl and renaissance faire-enthusiast recently found a novel way to punish his stepdaughter for going to a party without his permission: A DUEL! Now, just because he disciplines with style, he’s in trouble with the law. You know, people like to say child abuse is never funny, but I submit that this is pretty goddamn close.

THOU DOST KNOWETH THE RULES! ACT NOT LIKE A FROTHY WENCH, AND EXPECTETH NOT TREATMENT AS ONE! FIE!

According to police, the teen was forced to dress in armor and fight her stepfather with a wooden sword for two hours. Police also said the stepfather beat his stepdaughter with a tree branch prior to the duel. Investigators said she collapsed from exhaustion.

Ah, weakening your opponent before the match, eh? The old Gladiator trick. Very clever.

The couple told officers they punished the teen for going to a party without their permission.
Investigators learned the couple is part of a group of Renaissance enthusiasts, who recreate fights from the medieval era.
Officers said the parents told them it was their right to discipline their child however they see fit.
Police said the girl’s mother witnessed the abuse. She is employed at a day care in Yelm. [MSNBC]

TELL ME, “BRITNEY.” WHAT IS BEST IN LIFE? …CUTE BOYS? CUTE BOYS?!?! WRONG ANSWER, BRITNEY!! FETCH YOUR FATHER’S CUDGEL! THE HOUSE OF LANNISTER TOLERATES NOT THINE INSOLENCE!

On the one hand, she probably deserved it. On the other, having parents who are renaissance faire enthusiasts is already punishment enough.

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I know you’re probably sick of hearing about it by now, but I’ve got just a couple more batches of pictures from Comic-Con to get through before we can finally put this thing to bed and get back to normal posting. (With the new site design, I believe you can click pictures for enlarged versions).

The Root of All Art

So Comic-Con has become known as this huge event where movie studios and TV outlets go to announce their new projects and pander to the “true fans.” And that part’s pretty much all  bullsh*t and empty hype. But if there is still something great about it, it’s seeing some accountant or software engineer who’s spent the last 28 months of his life and countless money and man hours turning his rascal scooter into a working Delorean. And for the one or two days of the year they get to show off, those guys are the ABSOLUTE PIMP SH*T, with strangers literally shoving celebrities out of the way to take their picture. I saw one guy dressed as a centaur with FULL-SIZED HORSE LEGS THAT F*CKING MOVED WHEN HE WALKED.

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Here’s part two of my Comic Con Photo Diary. This batch containing EVEN MORE CLEAVAGE!  With EVEN LESS PANEL COVERAGE! Actually, after about three hours of walking around taking pictures of every sexy, revealing, funny, or cool costume I could find, I found that my peripheral vision had become so finely attuned to shapeliness or cleavage of any kind (yes, even more so than usual), that any time a voluptuous lass hove into my field of view, I found I’d spun around to face her with my camera out asking if I could take a picture before my conscious mind had even caught up to what I was doing. Let me just say that if the busty lady in question isn’t actually wearing a costume at the time, this can lead to an unpleasant situation. I take full blame for that. In fact, that’s rule number one for Comic-Con: if you want to take a picture of an attractive lady, first check to make sure she’s wearing a costume or is a promo girl of some kind, otherwise your picture request will just seem creepy, confusing, pathetic, and strange. But FilmDrunkards, I make these mistakes so that you don’t have to. (Call me sexist if you must, my girlfriend took half of these.)

Scroll on for more, starting with the Slave Leias, for obvious reasons (MO MONEY, MO MONEY, MO MONEY!). This won’t be my last batch, so look out for that sometime this afternoon or tomorrow. See also Part One here (and last year’s Comic-Con galleries here, here, here, and here).
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AW HELL YEAH, SON, LATTER DAY SAINTS BE MARCHIN! According to the Hollywood Reporter, Twilight author Stephenie Meyer is producing the directorial debut of Napoleon Dynamite co-writer Jerusha Hess, which begins shooting this week in the UK. The adaptation of a book by fellow Mormon Shannon Hale, Austenland is set to star Bret McKenzie of Flight of the Conchords and Keri Russell.  Hess, who co-wrote the screenplay with Hale, previously co-wrote Dynamite, Nacho Libre, and Gentleman Broncos with her husband, Jared, who graduated from BYU, as did both she and Stephenie Meyer. CLAW ‘EM, COUGARS! ROOT BEER KEGS FOR EVERYONE!  Here’s the book description from Publisher’s Weekly:

In 32-year-old singleton Jane Hayes’s mind, no man in the world can measure up to Fitzwilliam Darcy—specifically the Fitzwilliam played by Colin Firth in the BBC adaptation of Pride and Prejudice. Jane is forced to confront her Austen obsession when her wealthy great-aunt Carolyn dies and leaves her an all-expenses-paid vacation to Pembrook Park, a British resort where guests live like the characters in Jane’s beloved Austen novels. Jane sees the trip as an opportunity for one last indulgence of her obsession before she puts it “all behind her—Austen, men, fantasies, period,” but the lines between reality and fiction become pleasantly blurred as Jane acclimates to the world of Spencer jackets and stringent etiquette rules, and finds herself torn between the Darcyesque Mr. Nobley and a forbidden tryst with Pembrook Park’s gardener.

A Colin Firth-themed rom-com set in the world of Jane Austen LARP?  Damn, I’m staying out of the Magic Johnson theater that weekend, the brothers will be going nuts for this one.

(Trailer contains some naughty language, so shield your ears or put in your tampon or whatever)
While we all wait for Mel Gibson’s Viking epic starring Leonardo Caprio, a movie called The Wild Hunt from director Alexandre Franchi is currently playing the Santa Barbara Film Festival.  Finally, a film about Viking LARP (Live Action Role Playing) that doesn’t skimp on the sexual assault.  It’s like they read my mind!  Key line in the trailer:

“I know some girls, they role play medieval prostitutes and they have sex with men who pay them in fake coins.”

So where do these girls hang out?  ‘Cause hey, I got fake coins.  I got a whooooole chest full of ‘em.  *leans back in chair* Anyway, I have a spy down at this film festival who assures me that The Wild Hunt is indeed as badass as it seems.  It doesn’t have distribution deal yet, but be sure you watch the trailer until the end.  Sh*t. Gets. Real.