A few days ago, Netflix Co-Founder Reed Hastings announced that, in order to assuage consumer anger over their recent wage hike, they’d be splitting their streaming service and DVD service into two separate companies, Netflix (streaming) and Qwikster (DVDs, retarded names from the late 90s). Now Blockbuster, with the help of Landline TV, has announced that they’ll be diversifying their DVD rental business and their popcorn business into two separate entities: Blockbuster, which will still rent movies, and Plopydop, which will sell popcorn, which has been renamed Plopydop. You see? This business model is really catching on. In fact, in the wake of these announcements, I’ve decided that from this day forth, all writing will be done by me, Vince Mancini, while the other portion of the FilmDrunk business model — silly Photoshops — will now be created by an alter ego whom I’ve named Sir Penis Von Wienerheim.

Eh. Frankly, Sir Penis, I’ve seen better.

Here are some little kids re-enacting Green Lantern. Here’s a movie you can re-enact: Shut the Hell Up.  Now teach it to your friends. |Babelgum|

MORNING LINKS

Meme Watch: Oblivious Canadian Makeout Couple [Uproxx]

G4 pulls Ryan Dunn’s reality show. Probably because it was about him testing out wild videogame stunts. |WarmingGlow|

Sylvester Stallone inducted into the International Boxing Hall of Fame [WithLeather]

Peter King is really looking forward to his vacation. |KSK|

5 Dogs That Look Like Tom Haverford [Uproxx]

Hey, girl, do you like Patches’ new hair cut? I gave him a mohawk, so he would feel tough and dangerous. Aw, don’t you like it, Patches?  Come on, I’ll carry you over to Orange Julius.  |via EOnline|

George Lucas said something about Star Wars to Simon Pegg. |GammaSquad|

This dress is very vaginal.  Simply the word is enough to make some men uncomfortable. |Buzzfeed|

Chris Brown is in a video with Justin Bieber.  There’s a lot of ways I could go with a joke here. |Videogum|

Homeless man’s dying wish is to be re-united with his dog.  Aw, how come hobos and worthless hippies always have the cutest dogs? |TheDailyWhat|

I wish all the Palins and everyone tangentially associated with them would get c*nt cancer. |TheSuperficial|

Here’s a Woolite commercial Rob Zombie directed. |GorillaMask|

Here’s a gif of a horse kicking a camera man in the face. |HolyTaco|

Woody Allen gets a cast for his next movie. I actually really liked Midnight in Paris and I’m hoping to review it. |ScreenJunkies|

Katie Holmes has nice nipples.  No, I’m not going to discuss her stomach. |WWTDD|

D-Bag Diamond Backs Fan Steals Ball from a Woman [Brobible]

A Gallery of Girls Who Actually Bought that R2D2 Swimsuit [Unreality]

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Today is April Fool’s Day, a time of hilarious pranks, like that Improv Everywhere guy who got beat up dressed as Jar-Jar, only the video was staged, and I guess that was the improv, and… honestly, what was supposed to be funny about that?  That someone beat up Jar-Jar Binks?  “Oh man, that is classic!” said a guy from 2001. Improv is for assholes. Edit that sh*t and get back to me. Anyway, I’ve participated in the April Fool’s Day madness in the past (not trying to actually trick anyone, mind you), but today is Friday and I don’t feel like it, and it’s a dumb tradition anyway.

On that note, Landline TV’s latest video is right up my alley.  It’s their trailer for April Fool’s Day, a hellish, alternate-universe version of Groundhog Day, that imagines what it’d be like if the day the protagonist had to relive over and over was April 1st.  It’s awful.  You’d have to have a sick mind to even think of this.  Ugh, April 1st.  It’s the Bros Icing Bros of holidays.

Read the rest of this entry »

From a Landline TV series for AOL called Kids Re-Enact Oscar Movies, here’s The Kids Are All Right.  Mark Ruffalo kid pretty much nails it.  For a story about lesbians, that movie sure sucked a big wiener.

MORNING LINKS

• This Week In Review: The Best, Worst And Awesome Of The Internet. |Uproxx|
• Naked Sledging: Great Sport, or Greatest? |UproxxNews|
• 24 Geeky Wisconsin Protest Signs. |GammaSquad|
• Oscar movies with Corgis. So much better now. |WarmingGlow|
• Mega Gallery: The Least Intimidating Pictures Of Ice Cube. |FDGallery|

Anne Hathaway’s Oscar outfits. I like her better about 10 pounds heavier, but she still looked pretty good. |via SuicideBlonde|

• Playboy Goes To The Movies. |Playboy|
• Insane Clown Posse vs. “The King’s Speech”. |Buzzfeed|
• Louis C.K. asked Donald Rumsfeld if he’s a lizard. |WWTDD|
• Quentin Tarantino’s Star Wars. |UnrealityMag|
• Chris Brown Blames Satan For Releasing New Rihanna Abuse Photos. |TheSuperficial|
• Your dad dances like an angel. |GorillaMask|
• James Franco gettin’ dressed. |TheDailyWhat|
• Does this look like the face of a man who stuffed his own poop in his mouth and spit it at cops? |BostonBarstoolSports|

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As we’ve been hearing for the last two weeks, this year marks the 25th anniversary of Back to the Future.  It’s been so long that in the second film, when they visit a future full of self-tightening sneakers, flying cars, and hoverboards, that was their idea of 2015.  This latest video from Landline TV, “Back to the Lame Future”, imagines what it’d be like if the 1985 Doc Brown were to be suddenly thrust into the real 2010, and how disappointed he’d be.  “It seems like everything in the future is smaller, cooler, and more expensive.”  It is insanely lame that we still don’t have flying cars or hoverboards, or that we can get the internet on an airplane, but I can’t toast bread any faster than my great grandpa.  COME ON!  GET WITH THE INSTANT TOASTERS ALREADY!  I’M A BUSY MAN!  I will say this though, if 2010 Marty had shown 1985 Doc Brown the breadth and availability of pornography in 2010, his head would’ve exploded.  In 1985, guys were still jacking it to the Swimsuit Issue like a retarded orangutan sleeping in the dirt.

Sidenote: I really like the phrase “thrust into the future.”  Like if I just hip thrust fast enough, I can take us both into the future, where pleasure roams the Earth.  Call me, ladies.