The trailer for The Beaver, the Jodie Foster-directed film about Mel Gibson and his talking beaver puppet has finally hit the web, and you’ll be happy to know that for the first time, googling “beaver” and “trailer” doesn’t pull up a picture of your mom.  Anyway, I was really looking forward to this movie, and I was worried a little thing like Mel Gibson insulting all the races of the world might jeopardize us ever seeing it.  Luckily, not everyone’s a sensitive little flower like the cast of The Hangover, and it will reportedly hit theaters in Spring. (Unless the theaters keep running their mouth and end up buried in the rose garden).

So, now that we’ve seen the trailer… uh, what the hell is this?  Call me crazy, but when I heard Mel Gibson would play an alcoholic who starts speaking through a beaver puppet he found in the trash can, I was expecting a comedy, not uplifting piano music and some bizarre version of The Blind Side.

MEL GIBSON, YER CHANGIN’ THAT BEAVER’S LAAHFE!

BLOOOOW ME!

"The way you're dressed, beaver, you're lucky there's only one white fist up your ass."

[Apple via FirstShowing]

The Beaver is a script that topped last year’s black list, a list of the most-liked unproduced screenplays as voted on by 250 execs.  Originally, Steve Carell was attached to star.  That fell through, and then Jim Carrey was supposedly campaigning for it (accompanied by the awesome headline “Jim Carrey may sink his teeth into beaver”).  Now it looks like the star will be Mel Gibson, with Jodie Foster on to direct.

“Beaver” centers on the relationship between a man and a beaver puppet he wears on his arm, which he talks to and treats as a companion.  Kyle Killen’s script has generated enormous interest in development circles, drawing comparisons to “Being John Malkovich” and ‘Lars and the Real Girl.” [THR]

Foster boarded the project and brought it to Gibson, with whom she co-starred in 1994′s “Maverick.” Financing for the $18 million-$19 million pic has yet to be finalized. Pic brings Foster back to feature directing for the third time, after 1991′s “Little Man Tate” and 1995′s “Home for the Holidays.” [Variety]

My sources tell me Gibson has already been getting into character by wearing the beaver puppet everywhere he goes and talking to it.  “That’s right, take the money, you greedy little Jew,” he’ll say to it as he gets money out of the ATM.  Later he’ll punch random strangers with it, “Look at you, starting another war,” he’ll say.  “Just like a Jew.”

No wonder he looks so happy!  Because he’s going to bite your vagina, get it?  …Aw crap, I actually have to report this story now, don’t I.  Lame.

An offbeat dramedy that Anonymous Content is producing, “Beaver” centers on the relationship between a man and a beaver puppet he wears on his arm, which he talks to and treats as a companion.  Kyle Killen’s script has generated enormous interest in development circles, drawing comparisons to “Being John Malkovich” and ‘Lars and the Real Girl.” [THR]

Uh oh.  This project, which topped last year’s black list – the list of the best unproduced screenplays in Hollywood – sounded awesome back when Steve Carell was attached. With Jim Carrey… not so much.  Then again, dealing with a beaver puppet shouldn’t be much of a stretch for Jim – he’s married to Jenny McCarthy!  (*rimshot*)

(I have no idea what that means)

^{It hurts Bitter Beaver that you did a Dane Cook movie}

The Black List is an annual list of the “most liked” screenplays (that haven’t yet been made) in Hollywood, decided by 250 execs.  Topping this year’s list is a script by Kyle Killen called The Beaver.  As I reported a few months ago, Steve Carell is attached to star.

The story, from first-time writer Kyle Killen, revolves around a man who walks around with a beaver puppet on his hand, treating it as something close to a human creature with human feelings.

Filling out the top five positions [on the Black List] are “The Oranges,” by Jay Reiss and Ian Helfer; “Butter,” by Jason Micallef; “Big Hole,” by Michael Gilio; and “The Low Dweller,” by Brad Inglesby. [THR]

I’d like to write a screenplay some day, but writing is hard.  I’ve found that the next best thing to writing a good script is to read one, and then go, “Pssh, big deal, I coulda written that.”   And then make a big show of tossing it aside while you make a dismissive wank motion.