Here’s an edit of Kurt Russell in Big Trouble in Little China which seems to prove that Jack Burton found the whole thing just as confusing as anyone who watched it. Whoa, man. Like, meta. Though I do enjoy that he’s blatantly doing a John Wayne impression the entire film. Big Trouble in Little China isn’t a movie so much as an infomercial for cocaine.

I thought the video could’ve used a little Marvin Gaye in the credits.

[MrElChacito via AVClub]

"Hey there, little lady. Did you know I raised Kate Hudson?" (*gets drink thrown in face*)

A few months back, it was reported that Kevin Costner would be joining Tarantino’s upcoming Django Unchained, playing the part of a ruthless slave driver. Costner dropped out a few weeks ago for undisclosed reasons — he’s either too busy being Clark Kent’s dad in Man of Steel or curing another oil spill is my guess. But the good news is, Costner’s replacement will be Kurt Russell, who played Stuntman Mike in Deathproof, easily the best part of Tarantino’s worst movie. (*pumps fist, snorts line of coke, high-fives wizard, turns into newt*)

The movie is set in the American South of the 1800s and follows a freed slave (Jamie Foxx) who partners with a German bounty hunter (Chrisoph Waltz) in order to find his wife.
The bad guy list they encounter is impressive: Leonardo DiCaprio as a Francophile plantation owner who forces slaves to compete in death matches and Samuel L. Jackson as a vile head slave who works for DiCaprio.
Coming on to the list of antagonists will be Russell, playing a character called Ace, a man who oversees the plantation in a ruthless manner and who relishes punishing slaves. [THR]

Needless to say, this sounds great. Christoph Waltz made me enjoy a movie where R-Pattz falls in love with Reese Witherspoon while they bond over a circus elephant, so I can only imagine how good he’ll be in a violent Tarantino flick about mandingo slave fights. On a side note, is it just me, or does the slave-teams-up-with-German-bounty-hunter plot kind of sound like a funhouse-mirror Brett Ratner plot? In the Ratner version, the trailer would just be an interracial buddy duo on horseback arguing back and forth while an ELO song plays. Don’t bring me doown; down down down down doooooooooowwwwn, oh woo hooo…

Well hot damn, someone dug up Kurt Russell’s old audition tape for the role of Han Solo.  It’s well known that Harrison Ford beat out some big name actors for the role (Nick Nolte, Christopher Walken), but up until now I thought the audition tapes existed only as Patton Oswalt bits and SNL sketches.  Who would’ve thought the Stuntman Mike version of an intergalactic smuggler would be… kind of a wuss?  Not that you can blame him.  It’s hard to look cool while delivering lines like, “What’s that little droid carrying around that’s so blasted important, anyway?”

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According to Variety, Tim Allen will be receiving the Rodney Dangerfield Legacy Award at a charity even in Beverly Hills this October. 

It's funny, I always thought Rodney Dangerfield's legacy would have something to do with being funny, or being a kick ass old man, or even having your cock out in public.  Someone out there apparently thinks it's taking every turd you're offered, paving the way for Larry the Cable guy, or ratting out your coke dealer buddies to avoid jail time.  

(Obligatory "no respect" reference here).  Having your namesake award go to Tim Allen is right up there with having Street Fighter dedicated to your memory.  Let it be known that if I die tomorrow, I want my legacy award going to Kurt Russell, a true pants-free American hero.   

Variety is reporting that Len Wiseman, director of Live Free or Die Hard and banger of Kate Beckinslut, will be directing th remake of Escape From New York.

Now, normally I'm against remakes, but Len Wiseman obviously has something I don't (fortune, fame, Kate Beckinsale, the ability to grow facial hair…).

Plus, Live Free or Die Hard was a lot better than I expected.  I'd even go so far as to call it an entertaining movie (except for that semi truck vs. jet fighter scene – that shit was retarded).

Gerard Butler (300, my schoolgirl fantasies) will be playing Snake Plissken.  He's okay, but he's no Kurt Russell, because Kurt Russell is fuckin' harsh.   Plus, his name's 'Gerard'.  A guy named Gerard should really not be allowed to play a guy named Snake.