That’s right, I’ve got two new trailers for Wu Tang vs. The Golden Phoenix, directed by RZA (who was pretty funny in Funny People) and supposedly 10 years in the making.  It’s cool when you’ve got enough money and you’re a big enough movie freak that you can just hire your the crews from your favorite movies to make your own. RZA is the urban Kim Il Jong.  The trailers don’t say much about the plot, but really, who cares.  They’re much more interested in pimping their credits, which include:

• Fight choreographer Robert Tai of 5 Deadly Venoms
• Featuring members of the Jackie Chan Stunt Team
• And members of the USA Shaolin Team
• Starring Shaw Bros. Legend Chi Kuan Chun
• Also starring Dr. King Ogun Ali Muhammad, founder of the Universal African Fighting System
• And 34th generation Shaolin monk Shifu Shi Yan Ming [You know he's a 34th generation Shaolin because he can dodge a Three Stooges eye poke without even looking.  Nyuk nyuk nyuk!  (*plonk*)]

Meanwhile, RZA bills himself as “35th generation Shaolin disciple The RZA.  He’s still virgin, so his qi is very strong.”  I love that guy.  Besides that, there are exploding squibs, severed limbs, excessive yelling, and at one point, I’m pretty sure a guy shoots poison gas out of a backyard tiki torch.  Ew, no, it’s Citronella, get it off!  Get it off!  Anyway, no release date is set yet, but when it is, you can bet I’ll be there, preferably really high.  Another trailer after the jump.

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The new Karate Kid trailer has arrived. My favorite part is when Jackie Chan tells Will Smiff’s son, “I will teach you real Kung Fu.”  And the next three shots are:

A guy doing the splits on a railing with a giant fan:

A guy levitating Indian-style in the rain:

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This is the trailer for Su Qi-Er, aka True Legend, the latest flick from Yuen Woo-ping, the fight choreographer on the Matrix movies and Kill Bill.  It stars Michelle Yeoh, Jay Chou (soon to be playing Kato in Seth Rogen’s Green Hornet movie), former Strikeforce middleweight champion Cung Le, David Carradine (though he’s not in the trailer), and Man Cheuk Chiu as the lead.

Su Qi-Er is a wealthy man living during the Qing Dynasty who loses his fortune and reputation as a result of a conspiracy against him. After being forced out onto the streets, Su dedicates his life to martial arts and reemerges as a patriotic hero known as the “King of Beggars.”

It looks basically like everything Fox’s Street Fighter movie could’ve and would’ve been if they’d made it about, you know, street fighting, instead of an origin story starring the chick from Smallville.  Also, we have a king of beggars in my neighborhood.  He wears a Burger King crown and yells, “I’m issuing a royal decree!” when he poops in the street.

Today’s Forgotten Classic clip comes from a 1977 film called Bruce Lee the Invincible.  It was directed by Chi Lo, which if I’m not mistaken is Chinese for “Skee-Lo,” and the title is just slightly misleading in that Bruce Lee wasn’t involved with the film in any way, and had been dead for four years when they made it. A more honest title would’ve been A Film Not Starring Bruce Lee, Who Clearly Was Not Invincible. Though that’s not very catchy. Maybe “Kung Fu Gorilla,” considering the star fights a gorilla who knows kung fu, and you’d think that would’ve been a selling point.  Also, the gorilla is wearing shoes.  Then again, if he knows kung fu, I’m not sure how much of a stretch it is for him to also know how to wear shoes.

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This is the trailer for Jeffrey Lau’s Kung Fu Cyborg, a title so awesome it makes Snakes on a Plane look like Lesbian Vampire Killers.  Unfortunately, it’s basically a cheap Chinese ripoff of Transformers (I hear the DVDs are 76% lead), and considering the first 30 seconds of it is all context-free establishing shots set to bad audio, you wonder if they learned to cut trailers from the Birdemic guy (obscure enough reference for you? Christ.). Anyway, then it transitions into some fantastically low-budget CGI work and shots of indistinguishable robots.  So, a lot like the American Transformers.  I dunno, call me a hater, but when I hear a movie called Kung Fu Cyborg I expect to see some cyborgs doing Kung Fu.  I guess I’m old fashioned like that. I also prefer the original title, Keanu Reeves.

[via Twitch]