98% of The Road consists of the two main characters, a father and son who never get names, avoiding gangs of cannibals and scrounging for food. Great book, but I realize that makes for kind of a boring downer of a movie trailer. Solution? Just slap some triumphant background music over it (starts at the 1:25 mark). Man, that worked perfectly. All Viggo did was eat some food and watch a town burn, but I felt all proud, like I was watching Sandra Bullock teach a black kid to play football or something.
Cormac McCarthy’s The Road is a hell of a book, the kind of thing you wish they’d make more movies out of instead of crap like The Lovely Bones. It’s about a man and his son (who never get names) wandering through a post-apocalyptic wasteland of cannibals and roving bands of outlaws. Though so far, reviews of the John Hillcoat-directed movie adaptation have been sort of mixed. I wasn’t a huge fan of Hillcoat’s last movie (The Proposition), but Viggo Mortensen is perfect casting. That dude has looking like the survivor of an apocalyptic cataclysm down pat.
It also stars Kodi Smit-McPhee as the boy. I don’t know much about this kid other than that he clearly has a couple of a-holes for parents. Really? It wasn’t enough to stick him with a hyphen, you also had to make his first name a misspelled version of crappy name to begin with it? AND you put an ‘I’ at the end? Was he supposed to dot that with a heart? You only had nine months to come up with something he wouldn’t have to drag around like wheelbarrow full of cement his entire life, so well done. Might as well have named him Stealmylunchmoney McPussy. Then again, that was my nickname, and look how well I turned out.
It’s being reported that young Wolverine in X-Men Origins: Wolverine will be played by none other than some kid with A-hole parents, 11-year-old Kodi Smit-McPhee.
I’m not going to rip on the poor kid, because ad-hoc attacks on children are beneath me this morning. But I need only his name to prove that his parents are insufferable jag-offs (part of the Insufferable Jag-Off clan).
First off, they named their kid Kodi. Not even Cody, Kodi. As in, it’s not enough that my child have a name that was non-existent prior to the late 20th century, we must also differentiate it through novelty spelling, so that everyone who reads it will know that our son is unique; and run the risk of having to be corrected when they assume it rhymes with Lodi. Bottom line, he’s special, he’s new. He needs special treatment.
Secondly, the hyphen. Hey, maybe mom wanted to keep her last name. No biggie, fine by me. But then she also had to saddle her poor kid with some retarded hybridized name, and for what? GOD FORBID SOMEONE MEET MY CHILD AND NOT KNOW THAT HE’S PART OF THE SMIT CLAN! THE SMIT CLAN HAS BEEN AROUND FOR MILLENIA AND IS VERY PROUD! WE SHALL BE KNOWN FAR AND WIDE BY OUR STUPID NAMES AND INABILITY TO SPELL!
Petit Update: Commenter Chachi writes, "What’s gonna happen twenty years from now when Kodi Smit-McPhee marries Jane Doe-O’Brien? Will Jane become Jane Doe-O’Brien-Smit-McPhee?!?!" Good point.
