Our film editor, Oliver, must be extra lonely this Valentine’s Day, because he’s put together a mashup of the most disturbing kisses from film history.  This might not be as comprehensive a mashup as you’re used to seeing from him (read: it’s shorter), but he makes up for lack of quantity with quality of disgustingness.  Seriously, the one at the 1:32 mark almost made me puke, and I have literally the strongest stomach in the history of the world.  Poor Oliver.  In lieu of payment this week I’m sending him a cat, a Twilight book, and a tub of ice cream with a note on it that says “Don’t worry, fatty, I’ll be your Valentine.”

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(So.  This where the high school chicks hang out?)

I’ve identified two kisses of death for prospective movies – Cam Gigandet and Screen Gems – and this project has both of them.  Plus vampires.

Cam Gigandet will star opposite Paul Bettany in “Priest,” a horror Western that Scott Stewart is directing for Screen Gems.  Adapted by Cory Goodman from a TokyoPop comic book, “Priest” is set in a world ravaged by centuries of war between man and vampires and follows a warrior priest (Bettany) who turns against the church to track down a murderous band of vampires who have kidnapped his niece. Gigandet plays a young wasteland sheriff who is part vampire. He partners with Bettany to save the girl he loves, the niece. That latter part has yet to be cast.

Let’s review:

• Cam Gigandet
• Vampires
• Comic book adaptation
• Kidnapping plot
• Half-breed vampire

Whoever thought this was a good idea must’ve been reading Bizarro FilmDrunk.  Oh, but wait, we haven’t gotten to my favorite paragraph:

Gigandet, repped by WME Entertainment, is filming Screen Gems’ thriller “The Roommate” with Leighton Meester and Minka Kelly. The actor is coming off of winning an MTV Movie Award for best fight, awarded for his work in “Twilight.” Gigandet won the award the previous year for “Never Back Down,” making him the only actor to win it in back-to-back years. [THR]

Damn, two “Best Fight” awards in a row?  Cam Gigandet makes Sir Lawrence Olivier look like a peepshow janitor.

Cam Gigandet (which is apparently pronounced “jee-GAHN-day”) recently teamed up with Funny or Die in attempt to make a hilarious video about Twilight fans, but only succeeded in further proving my hypothesis, Everything with Cam Gigandet in it Sucks. Does Cam Gigandet make everything suck, or would only sucky things be interested in Cam Gigandet? It’s like the chicken or the egg.