Coming soon to DVD and Blu Ray is The Scorpion King 3: Battle for Redemption, a film sure to delight even the most discerning of silly wig enthusiasts. It pits Billy Zane against Ron Perlman in an epic battle of scene-chewing wig wearing that could tear the world asunder, not to mention an elephant. It features cameos by the WWE’s Dave Bautista and an Asian chick who does Hadoukens. But let’s be honest, “starring Billy Zane and Kimbo Slice” is the only tagline a movie needs, the greatest tagline in the history of film — nay, the written word. God willing, someday that phrase will adorn the invitations to my wedding reception.

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Cars 2 will almost certainly become Pixar’s first “Rotten” film according to the Tomatometer. Who could’ve imagined a film with Dreamworks Face in every poster starring Larry the Cable Guy as the voice of a tow truck wouldn’t be a critical darling? Why, that’d be like trying to predict whether Larry the Cable Guy will wear sleeves. |RottenTomatoes|

Cars 2 and Bad Teacher are the movies that are opening this weekend. I don’t have time to do a Weekend Movie Guide, I’m sorry. In fairness, I did have the Bad Teacher writers on the Frotcast. |Yahoo|

Men in Black 3 will cost $215 million (that’s NET PRODUCTION BUDGET, supposedly). Money well spent, I’m sure. Can’t wait for the Wild Wild West reboot. |TheWrap|

King of Kong director Seth Gordon remaking War Games. Notice I was nice and didn’t call him “Four Christmases director Seth Gordon.” I’ll tell you how I feel about this idea when we find out whether his newest film, Horrible Bosses, is any good. So far, it’s… not looking good (though I do love Colin Farrell). Make Billy Mitchell the villain in all movies from now on.  The man is a nefarious hot sauce magnate. That sh*t will never, ever get old. |Deadline|

E from Entourage wants to direct a Kimbo Slice biopic. Kimbo would play himself (Note: this is never going to happen). No joke, I pitched a Kimbo Slice profile five years ago for a job I didn’t get.  That was before I realized people wanted to be told stories they’ve already heard. It’s like the inner me, was the enemy. The INNER me, was the ENERmy.  The INNER me. Was the ENNERMY.  But good luck to Kevin Connolly as a director. The fact that he’s completely unlikable as an actor is a big part of the reason Entourage isn’t very good. |TheWrap|

Here’s KRS-One reviewing Bad Teacher:

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Today, I bring you “Michael Jai White is a Badass, Volume 73.”  In today’s installment, we catch up with Black Dynamite on the set of Blood and Bone (Michal Jai White is… ISAIAH BONE).  Here, White, who holds black belts in seven different forms of karate and has two bullet wounds, teaches Kimbo Slice an “unblockable punch.”  (He would’ve been better off teaching him an unkickable leg, but I digress).  Keep in mind, Michael Jai White is an actor and Kimbo Slice is a professional fighter (not necessarily a particularly good one, but still).  And Kimbo seems genuinely interested in hearing the advice (“but will Kimbo Slice ever truly be at ress?”).  This could only happen with badass of Michael Jai White’s caliber. Imagine any other actor trying that.  Cam Gigandet has been in a few martial arts movies too, I guarantee he couldn’t teach anyone to punch.  Hell, he gets punched himself, just for having a face that looks like that.

If Black Dynamite star Michael Jai White doesn’t become the next big action hero, the terrorists have won.  This is the trailer for the direct-to-DVD fight flick, Blood and Bone.  Starring MICHAEL JAI WHITE, as… ISAIAH BONE.  You might also notice a couple cameos by professional giant black guys Kimbo Slice and Bob Sapp. But pay special attention to the 1:17 mark, where Michael Jai White KICKS FOUR GUYS IN THE FACE BEFORE HE HITS THE GROUND!  OOH WHA-AA AA-AA!

White stars as an ex-con drawn into LA’s underground fight rings to fulfill a promise to a dead friend and leaves a pretty hefty count of broken bones and bloody noses behind him.  [Twitch]

So basically, it’s like the black version of Never Back Down, which automatically makes it roughly 10 times cooler than Never Back Down.  Plus, no Cam Gigandet, which is worth another 15.  Oh, and Gina Carano guest stars, which means I get to post my favorite gif:

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Below, I’ve got the trailer for a documentary about backyard brawling from the makers of Cocaine Cowboys, entitled, I sh-t you not, Dawg Fight.  If the ref reminds you of Kimbo Slice, that’s because the two used to hang together and the guy seems to have usurped the unlicensed street fight niche after Kimbo went pro (and also because they’re both huge scary black guys with bushy beards).

Meanwhile, the whole thing looks familiar to me because I swear to God I pitched this exact f’ing movie when prompted for ideas at a job interview once.  Needless to say, I didn’t get the job, and I don’t want to name names or anything, but I hope everyone at Current TV dies in a fire.
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