I didn’t watch much of the BCS Championship game last night, but my outdoor friends tell me that the Roller Tidings of Alabama easily overwhelmed the Golden Hunchbacks of Nostradamus by scoring more end touches in the sprots match. But more importantly, the marketing team behind Monsters University took a commanding lead in the cool advertisements contest with this parody of an enrollment commercial. I have nothing to add to this other than that it’s very, very cute. I especially liked the cat’s-eye glasses. Cat’s eye glasses seem like an older demo than college (I think? Oh God, I’m too old to know anymore) but I don’t even care. Cat’s eye glasses plus bug-eyed monster is just a winning design concept.

Monsters University opens June 21st, and a short called The Blue Umbrella will play before it. I’ve got a clip of that after the jump. It’s about sentient umbrellas.

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Now, I don’t run about town screaming, “THIS IS THE GREATEST CGI FILM STARRING CHARLIE SHEEN AS A TALKING DOG DETECTIVE NAMED DEX DOGTECTIVE” every day, but when I do: you know I mean it. Foodfight! is the greatest CGI film starring Charlie Sheen, etc. etc., and not only the Coked-Up One, but also Chris Kattan as Polar Penguin, Wayne Brady as Daredevil Dan, Harvey Fierstein as Fat Cat Burglar, and Hilary and Haylie Duff as Sunshine Goodness and Sweet Cakes, respectively. According to the movie’s website:

FOODFIGHT! takes place in the supermarket at night when the lights go out and all the people leave. Then, magically, the grocery store transforms into a city: the boxes become buildings, the aisles turn into streets. The Chinese food aisle looks like China Town, the Italian food aisle looks like Venice, and so on.

Then out from every door of this ‘marketropolis’ comes two types of characters: ones you already know – some of the most famous characters in the world, like Mr. Clean, Charlie the Tuna, Mrs. Butterworth and more; and ones you are going to meet, and the actual stars of the movie. These include Dex Dogtective (Charlie Sheen), the super sleuth and head of the USDA (United Supermarket Defense Association); Daredevil Dan (Wayne Brady), the world’s worst flying squirrel stuntman; the sweet and lovable Sunshine Goodness (Hilary Duff); and the villainess and seductive Lady X (Eva Longoria). They all hang out at the Copa-Banana, the hottest nightclub in town (in the produce section of course). However, all’s well until Brand X moves into town, and its evil LADY X and her minions try to take over.

The only way to stop them is…yes – A FO0DFIGHT! (Via)

If you go to the source link, you’ll notice that the website is archived. That’s because Foodfight! was supposed to come out in December 2003, around the same time as The Last Samurai, Cheaper by the Dozen, and Paycheck. It didn’t. It was pushed back to 2005. Nothing. Then, to 2009. Still bupkis, much to the delight of Chris Kattan’s nephews, who didn’t want an exclusive Foodfight! screening as their Christmas present. It was finally released in the U.S. for the first time…this week…on DVD only.

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If kids movies of the last few years are any indication, the first ingredient to any kids movie is a sensitive little boy who doesn’t like doing normal boy stuff (How to Train Your Dragon, Paranorman) or a brash little girl who doesn’t like doing girl stuff (Brave, Whip It). Dreamworks’ The Croods starts with the latter, voiced by Emma Stone, whose caveman dad voiced by Nic Cage is always making her wear dresses and churn mammoth butter and not leave the cave. But she’s all like “F that noise!” because girl power, and next thing you know, purple turtles with dragonfly wings start flying around like Avatar. Yeah, man, I dunno either.

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Before today, I had never heard of The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure, but much like Val Kilmer once he realized that, why yes, pizza crust stuffed with glazed doughnuts does taste good, now that I know about Oogieloves, I can’t stop thinking about doughnut-crust pizza, I mean, Oogieloves. Big Ballon Adventures is a kids movie that comes out tomorrow starring a collection of every child’s favorite actors, including Toni Braxton, Christopher Lloyd, Chazz Palminteri, Cloris Leachman, and Cary Elllllwwwweeeessss. The plot:

On Schluufy’s birthday, the Oogieloves (Goobie, Zoozie, and Toofie), and their friends J. Edgar, Windy Window, and Ruffy, work on organizing a party. Everything is going as planned until J. Edgar trips and loses the last five magical balloons in all of Lovelyloveville, prompting The Oogiloves set out to find the magical balloons in time for the party.

Contrary to popular belief, those aren’t just a random assortment of letters thrown together haphazardly, but actual, honest to God words. Good for J. Edgar finally finding a new career, too; here I was thinking being dead for 30 years would have stopped him. And hey, he even finally gets to dress up in public. Speaking of dressing up: you’ll never guess the person who inspired the Oogieloves, unless you’ve already read the headline…

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Oh look, there's a giant lumberjack about to pop your mom's cherry. This must be a period piece.

Watching this Wreck-It Ralph trailer that just hit the web, it’s almost as if Disney was trying to figure out exactly how to make me care about an animated kids movie. An introduction from John C. Reilly and a Talking Heads song? Naaaaaailed it. This looks really cute, actually, and they didn’t even have to use animals in clown wigs dancing to hip hop. Imagine that.

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