As the Sundance Film Festival begins today, so does the search of every Hollywood executive for this year’s Martha Marcy May Marlene, which was the breakout hit of last year’s event, winning Sean Durkin the award for Best Director. Most industry analysts expect that this year will be one of the busiest ever at Sundance, as movies will be gobbled up like crazy by studio executives, which is good news for Vince’s debut entry, Perfect Stranger: That Time I Sat on Both Hands.

Unfortunately, I can’t offer much insight into the hype of this year’s Sundance because I haven’t done my homework. I have, however, watched one video about an 8-year old Australian girl’s struggle to succeed in the music industry. After the jump, I implore you to watch Juliet’s “My First Hardcore Song”, which I am openly endorsing to be made into a documentary film for next year’s Sundance Film Festival, because it is truly an epic work of art that crosses over multiple genres.

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The best age for kids is when they’re young enough that you can just dress them up in different outfits like dolls.  …I mean, uh, action figures.  Shut up.  What I meant was, the best age is, like, high school chicks.  GRR, FOOTBALL!

Also: If you’re dressing as the Joker today, you’re hereby sentenced to 11 months of ridicule.

(click on thumbnail below to see the poster for the new Ice Age movie, Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs) 

Kid movies tend to focus on talking animals, so it’s a little weird to bash them for historical inaccuracy.  But still, some shit is just crossing the line. A movie that came out a few years ago Barnyard comes to mind – I can’t remember the name, but it had animated cows with distinctly male voices (Sam Elliott!) sporting comical udders on their chests.  C’mon man, that ain’t right.

You wouldn’t draw a donkey with a big, dangly cock and then cast Cameron Diaz as the voice, would you?  That’s like expecting us to believe Paris Hilton as the fairy-tale hottie. My point is: you shouldn’t call a movie set in the ice age Dawn of the Dinosaurs.  Can’t they just change the setting to another planet, or a parallel universe or something?  Seriously, it’s an easy fix.  

Kids are easily confused as it is – we don’t need to make it any tougher on them by making movies called Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs, Civil War: A JFK Story or Drano: The Wonder Tonic.  I blame so much of my short-term memory problems on all those The Pass-Out Game Club books I used to read.  Every day my Little League coach would tell me I was special because we had our own little secret… wait, what was I talking about again?   

[Source]

FrontRunners is a feature length doc from first-time director Caroline Suh.  It’s premiering at the SXSW festival next month.

It’s hard to run for office — even in high school. And the campaign for student body president at Stuyvesant, perhaps the most prestigious public high school in the country, is almost as sophisticated as any presidential election. Candidates must choose running mates, navigate primaries, write political platforms, perform in televised debates, shake as many hands as possible, and win newspaper endorsements. But unlike presidential candidates, they also have to do their homework, take their SATs and write their college applications.

Ahh, it reminds me of my own high school days, when I rode a fiercely xenophobic campaign platform to the executive office. Everyone learned an important lesson about foreigners making the best scapegoats. 

As the film unfolds, the candidates might seem like archetypes. There is the favorite, a popular heartthrob; the rich cheerleader; the slacker jock; and a lone wolf straight out of Rushmore (his name is George). But each ends up being more complex than they might first appear.

Yes, I’m sure they all cut themselves while listening to Panic! at the Disco.  Whatever, fuck these Manhattan brats.  Know what we did in high school? We got drunk around a bonfire and then someone would say, "I put bullets in the fire," and we’d try to guess whether he was bluffing.  That was a great game. 

UPDATE: NOW WITH FUNCTIONING VIDEO

Empire YouTube has the new international trailer for Wall E, the latest movie from Pixar. What can I say, Pixar is pretty legit.  They make kids movies that you don’t have to be an idiot kid to enjoy (though being really high helps).  

Wall E the main robot guy looks a lot like Johnny 5 from Short Circuit.  When I see him all I can think is Los Locos keeck your ass / Los Locos keeck your face / Los Locos keeck your balls eento outer spaace!  So, you know, there’s a reference.

Anyway, the plot appears to concern two robots who fall in love, which means it’s basically gonna be like 27 Dresses but with better acting.  

SUPER LAME UPDATE: Empire took it down due to "circumstances beyond their control."  Assholes.  UPDATE REDUX: Thanks to Ohad for sending me the new link.