In the interests of full disclosure, I had a headline and screencap about Colin Farrell’s combover all set to go when I saw Jennifer Aniston in her underpants deepthroating a banana. Realizing I’m not allergic to cash money, I posted that instead. In any case, Warner Brothers just released the trailer for their July comedy Horrible Bosses — GEE, I WONDER WHAT THAT’S ABOUT! SQUIBBETY BLABBETY DOO!  It comes from King of Kong (and, uh.. Four Christmases…) director Seth Gordon, and stars Charlie Day, Jason Sudeikis, and Jason Bateman as three guys plotting the murder of their horrible bosses, played by Kevin Spacey, Jennifer Aniston, and Colin Farrell’s combover.  I don’t know if there’s a contest in Hollywood to see who can come up with the most boring, linear premise, but I do enjoy the actors involved. Maybe not enough to deepthroat a banana, but they seem nice.

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This is the first trailer for Men Who Stare at Goats, starring George Clooney, Ewan McGregor, Jeff Bridges (in full-on The Dude mode), and Hollywood’s hottest bachelor Kevin Spacey.  It looks like it could either be funny or way too cute for its own good, like my tiny, tiny penis.

Reporter Bob Wilton (Ewan McGregor) is in search of his next big story when he encounters Lyn Cassady (George Clooney), a shadowy figure who claims to be part of an experimental U.S. military unit. According to Cassady, the New Earth Army is changing the way wars are fought. A legion of “Warrior Monks” with unparalleled psychic powers can read the enemy’s thoughts, pass through solid walls, and even kill a goat simply by staring at it. Now, the program’s founder, Bill Django (Jeff Bridges), has gone missing and Cassady’s mission is to find him. The Men Who Stare at Goats was inspired by Jon Ronson’s non-fiction bestseller of the same name, an eye-opening and often hilarious exploration of the government’s attempts to harness paranormal abilities to combat its enemies. [Apple]

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This is the brand-new trailer for Shrink, which premiered at Sundance. In the movie, Kevin Spacey plays a psychiatrist to the stars, but recently, he’s been having a mid-life crisis, and has become glib and cynical.  You can tell because of the stubble.  In movies, existential crises are always accompanied by facial hair.  If Jesus had shaved, he’d still be working in middle management.

Snootch Spooginson was a high-powered shrink used to helping people, until one day, he realized, HE was the one who needed help. (*record scratch*) (*Macauley Culkin screaming at the mirror*) (Cue Kevin Spacey with stubble)
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Kevin Spacey and Colin Firth are attached to star in an adaptation of George Orwell’s Homage to Catalonia, a story I’m happy to report, both because it’s an awesome book and because Variety couldn’t even get the GD title right.

“Catalonia” revolves around the real-life story of how Orwell and his wife Eileen traveled to Barcelona to fight Stalinism. There, Orwell joined the Anarchist brigade and fought in the Spanish Civil War. Film will highlight the relationship between Orwell and Georges Kopp, the charismatic commander of the brigade. [Variety]

(*buzzer sound*) Sorry, thanks for playing!  What the non-fiction book is actually about, which TWO Variety reporters apparently couldn’t be bothered to get right, was Orwell traveling to Barcelona to fight Francisco Franco’s Fascists, at which point he joined (partly by chance) the POUM, an anti-Stalinist militia (Spain was kind of a cluster F at the time). Later, he got shot in the throat by a sniper and almost died.  He originally had a hard time getting the book published, as it was equally critical of the Fascists and the Communists. And I’m sure the process of getting a movie version greenlit wasn’t any easier, as exec after exec opened the book, looked confused for a second and asked, “Uh… Where’s the pictures?”

Kevin Spacey recently visited a federal, pound-me-in-the-ass prison (assemble your own joke!) in Maryland to meet with “disgraced lobbyist*” Jack Abramoff as research for a possible film about Abramoff. You may remember Abramoff as the guy who thought it’d be a good idea to show up to his trial looking like the villain in a Jimmy Cagney movie, except fatter.

Spacey and director George Hickenlooper (Factory Girl) met with Abramoff Friday afternoon to discuss plans for a film called Casino Jack or Bagman, based loosely on Abramoff’s career in Washington.  Abramoff, 50, began serving a six-year sentence in November 2006 for conspiracy, honest-services fraud and tax evasion in the purchase of casino boats in Florida, and was given four years last September for mail fraud, conspiracy and tax evasion. His projected release date is Dec. 1, 2011, according to the federal Bureau of Prisons.

I’ve always found Casino Jacks to be radically overpriced, but I digress – you haven’t gotten to the best quote of the piece yet:

Abramoff is no stranger to Hollywood. He and his brother Robert produced the 1989 Dolph Lundgren action movie Red Scorpion and its sequel, Red Scorpion 2. [USA Today]

Red Scorpion, by the way, was a film partially financed by the propaganda wing of South Africa’s apartheid government, which was basically a ripoff of Commando starring Dolph Lundgren in short shorts.  Kevin Spacey called it “an under-appreciated classic.”
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