I liked Thor.  Despite a distinct lack of rocket hands and Robert Downey chewing scenery, all things considered, it’s probably a better film than the first Iron Man (which, let’s face it, was a little Entourage-y at times).  And yet, something about it kept me from being much excited to write my review.  In fact, I made this entire Platoon poster with a Hyrax out of boredom before I’d written my first paragraph.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s a fun movie.  The acting is solid all the way through (Chris Hemsworth and Tom Hiddleston — Loki — are pleasant discoveries, and neither Anthony Hopkins nor Natalie Portman dishonor their pedigrees). Kenneth Branagh proves his Shakespeare experience surprisingly applicable to a film about a big blonde guy whacking sh*t with a hammer, seamlessly mixing goofy, often slapsticky humor with age-old conflicts between brothers, and fathers and sons, and of course, epic speeches and hubris leading to downfall.  The film begins in Asgard, where three of the evil Ice Giants (couldn’t have thought up a less on-the-nose name, there, guys?) have infiltrated a sacred Asgardian hall through some kind through a secret portal, in order to steal back some magic box full of blue fog that the Asgardians took after defeating them in a long war (the one where Odin lost his eye).  But before the Ice Giants can accomplish much, the Asgardians’ giant chrome Destroyer blows them all to f*ck WITH A BEAM OF HELLFIRE FROM ITS FACE (pretty baller, as security systems go).   When the Asgardians discover what happened, newly-crowned Prince Thor gets pissed, demanding to go to Planet Ice Giant and hammer some frozen dicks in retaliation.  Odin (Hopkins) says no — “The Destroyer did its job, the invaders met their fate, nothing else is required.”

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This summer is packed to the tits with superhero movies, and I haven’t been all that excited about many of them, mainly because Captain America has Chris Evans running around in Old Navy baby tees and khakis, and everything we’ve seen from Green Lantern has been like watching paint dry on a Kenny G record.  My great white hope is and has been Thor (opens next weekend — already out overseas — directed by Kenneth Branagh, starring Chris Hemsworth, Natalie Portman, and Anthony Hopkins, trailer here). With Viking Gods, odd comedy, and a Shakespeare guy directing, it seems so weird that it just might work.  Our latest clip comes courtesy Jaimie Alexander’s appearance on Kimmel last night, in which her character, Sif, stabs Destroyer, the shiny, fire-breathing robot thing, right in the throat.  IN! THE! THROOOOAT!  It’s a pretty short clip, but still worth a watch, especially for our favorite press tour cliché, which comes right afterwards.

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Looks like Marvel finished some more of the effects on Thor and wanted to show them off in this new trailer.  This time around, Thor fights a shiny metal dude who shoots fire from his face like Gort from The Day the Earth Stood Still (no, I’m not going to look it up), plus a giant demon thingie reminiscent of the butthole monster from Star Trek.  The rest of the time Thor mostly spends being confused and frightened by our human ways.  “Your honor, I’m just a simple Viking God who angered Odin and was sent here through a space tunnel from the land of myth.  I find your Earth realm strange and confusing.  When I get shot with a taser, did little demons climb inside the cable and paralyze my Heaven muscles? My primitive, mythological space brain can’t grasp such concepts.”

All in all, the wildness of the concept and bizarre choice of director and cast makes this probably my most anticipated of the upcoming superhero movies.  That’s why it’s too bad I have to boycott it on account of one of the Viking Gods not being depicted as a pure white Aryan.

Meanwhile, the worst part about the new trailer is that it fails to get across the most important moment, the moment where I TOTALLY SAW THOR IN THE AIRPORT THE OTHER DAY!

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Marvel’s Thor stars Chris Hemsworth, Natalie Portman, and Anthony Hopkins, and was directed by Kenneth “Cap’n Shakespeare” Branagh, so if nothing else, the concept is really weird.  Like the teaser, it opens with Clark Gregg interrogating Thor, trying to find out where he got his training — Afghanistan? Chechnya?  Try VIKING HEAVEN, MOTHERF*CKER.

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UPDATE: I don’t know if this is official now, but I replaced the video with a trailer addict version that works.

UPDATE 2: I didn’t put my first update at the top of the page, so some of you may have missed it. Anyway, at least one of the embeds I’ve included below should work now.

Courtesy of this site, it looks like the Thor footage from Comic-Con has leaked early, like my uncle with the bad prostate.  It’s really late, but I’m posting it now because I don’t know how long it’ll be online before it gets pulled.  I actually have higher hopes for this one than Captain America.  It has a great cast — Anthony Hopkins, Idris Elba, Ray Stevenson — lots of badasses.  And while Cap director Joe Johnston inspires mainly shrugs and wanks, Kenneth Branagh seems at least worthy of cautious optimism.

Anyway, I’m really tired, so I don’t have a lot to say about this, but the whole scene where Clark Gregg is grilling Thor about where he got his training, (“Afghanistan? Chechnya?”) I keep wanting Chris Hemsworth to shout “WRONG! VIKING HEAVEN, BITCH!”  (*smash*)

[Thanks to Brian and Jason for the tips]