This is the trailer for London Boulevard, the directorial debut of Departed screenwriter William Monahan (who also wrote Body of Lies and Kingdom of Heaven) starring Colin Farrell and Keira Knightley.  Between the Clash soundtrack and the fancy typography, it certainly looks Guy Ritchie-y.  I miss Colin Farrell’s Irish accent, which makes every line at least 50% funnier, but I was onboard until the money line:

“If I fell in love with you, what would you do about it?”

“Everything.”

Ray Winstone is in this too, but after that exchange, I couldn’t help picturing every character as Autofellatio Walrus.

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(“Sorry, B, the uniform just seemed a lil f@ggy, nah mean?”)

It seems like this Captain America tour has been going on forever and today, THR reports that it’s taken a detour through mumbly wigger town.  That’s right, Channing Tatum was reportedly “approached”, son.

At this stage Tatum, who just wrapped filming on the Steven Soderbergh action flick “Knockout,” has only been approached for the role and has not seen a script.  And the search is on for the female lead. Details for the part are being kept secret for now but it is rumored to be his flame Betsy Ross (ironically, named after the woman who is credited with creating the American flag). Keira Knightley was approached last week, but the studio is also looking at other actresses.

Yes, Keira Knightley as Channing Tatum’s love interest. I can’t imagine that being more perfect or believable.  “Damn, girl, I macked on some fly honeys before, but you… you like hella classy, huh. Is you Australian or somethin?  I betchoo all into, like, books an’ shit, huh. Haha, *mumble, mumble* nah mean?”

Still, both are just names being thrown around that will probably come to nothing. Hitfix yesterday reported that Ryan Phillippe is also “being considered.”  Of the names I’ve heard so far, he seems like the best.  I think it’s saying something when the guy first known for curly hair and pouty lips is the one who seems most like a masculine superhero.  I’d tell you what that something is, but it’s probably a homophobic slur.

This anti-domestic violence ad starring Keira Knightley and directed by Atonement’s Joe Wright has been banned in the U.K., for fairly obvious reasons.

Advertising censors are refusing to allow it to be broadcast unless key scenes are cut.
“The Cut” was made for the charity Women’s Aid, and launched in cinemas at the beginning of this month.
Charities working to combat domestic violence branded the decision by Clearcast, the ad approval body, “pathetic”, arguing that, in banning the advert, it is shielding the public from the reality of domestic violence.
“It seems pathetic. It is really important to raise awareness about domestic violence, and TV gets into people’s homes” said Sandra Horely, chief executive of Refuge, a charity that provides accommodation for women and children escaping from domestic violence.
“The reason we are still in conversation with Clearcast about it is because they believe it is too violent,” said Chris Hirst, managing director of Grey London Advertising Agency, which created The Cut. “Part of the point of the campaign is to raise awareness about domestic violence, and spark debate, which the advert has done, even if it doesn’t make it on to TV.”  [Independent]

Whatever, you can spout your “just raisin’ awareness” cliché if you want, but all ads like this do is convince me that the the people who make them are creepy and weird.  It’s like filming a guy who rapes a baby and poops on his dog, and then at the end an announcer comes on and says “don’t rape a baby and poop on your dog.”  Really? That was your solution?  Look, if you want money for your charity, just film Sarah McLachlan singing to a sad puppy, you can have everything in my wallet.

Johnny Depp is set to reprise his role as Hunter S. Thompson’s alter-ego, this time as Kemp in The Rum Diary.  TheBadandtheUgly recently got ahold of a casting bulletin, suggesting production might not be too far off.

SEEKING: CHENAULT A beautiful, 25 year old, translucent vision [Editor's Note: Does that mean Pale? Blind? Invisible?] from Connecticut, with a killer smile and a wry, enigmatic personality, she wears barely-there sarongs, sunbathes nude, and oozes sexuality in everything she does. She enchants and mesmerizes Kemp from the moment they meet: while both escaping a tedious, high-end party. Chenault is dating and possibly engaged to Sanderson, but clearly feels an attraction to Kemp. She’s a daredevil who loves to dance and drive fast. She gets into big trouble with a lust-crazed, violent crowd during Carnival in St. Thomas. .. LEAD. This role contains nudity.

Hey, I ooze sexuality (and mucus)!  They go on to say (based on what I’m not sure) that…

Word on the production street is that Krysti Charron, the casting assistant is partial to Keira Knightley and Scarlett Johannson, but readings for this role will probably include a swath of relatively unknowns.

Let’s see… Johansson hasn’t done nudity yet, but supposedly has a “nude scene” in He’s Just Not That Into You, which is rated PG-13 so that’s bullshit… Keira Knightley, only if by “killer smile” you mean “a stupid pout thing she does in every picture”.  …In conclusion, something something Zac Efron something “Cum Diary.”  Boy, this site really writes itself sometimes.

"Oh, I ever so wish I had more candles."

Keira Knightley is starring in another period piece, The Duchess.  I still can’t embed clips with my account, so you can watch a new clip from The Duchess here.  Try to stay awake.  If it helps, picture the fact that the corsets Knightley had to wear caused her to fart constantly.

Spread bat guano all over your face then sit in direct sunlight for an hour. Rinse it off with moose urine.   Repeat six times. This will not help you embed a video clip.

I probably shouldn’t have insulted Babylon 5 and Penny Arcade in front of the tech guys.  So I may have embedding privileges [heh heh "bedding privileges"] later today.  Or not.  Deal.

– RoboPanda