After the jump, you can watch the first trailer for A Dangerous Method, David Cronenberg’s latest (and first since Eastern Promises in 2007), starring Viggo Mortensen as Sigmund Freud, Michael F. Assbender as Carl Jung, and Keira Knightley as some crazy slut Jung’s banging. It has far less Freud snorting tons of coke and screaming about his penis than I hoped for (HISTORICALLY ACCURATE!), but… well, there’s no happy ending for that sentence. I was disappointed.

Starring Viggo Mortensen, Michael Fassbender, Keira Knightley, Vincent Cassel and Sarah Gadon and based on the play by Christopher Hampton, the film centers on the conflict between Sigmund Freud (Mortensen) and his pupil Dr. Jung (Fassbender). Seduced by the challenge of an impossible case, the driven Dr. Jung takes the unbalanced yet beautiful Sabina Spielrein (Knightley) as his patient. Jung’s weapon is the method of his master and both men fall under Sabina’s spell.

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No doubt in celebration of his many great achievements, such as the invention of the hamburger and the invisible cell phone, and shooting 38-under par the first and only time he played golf, North Korean leader Kim Jong-Il (Lil’ Kim) recently allowed his citizen-children to view the film Bend It Like Beckham on State Television.  This is of course the motion-film in which a youth from the east cures a youth from the west of materialism, and the comrades utilize teamwork to defeat the great imperialist homosexual, Jonathan Rhys Meyers.

The 2002 film starring Keira Knightley and Jonathan Rhys Myers was a break from the regular programming of news, documentaries and soap operas. Western films are largely off limits in the isolated country.

The broadcast, monitored in Seoul on Dec. 26, appeared to be edited; it was only an hour long.

In a tweet Thursday, British Ambassador to South Korea Martin Uden called the broadcast the “1st ever western-made film to air on TV” in North Korea. The British Embassy arranged it.

“Bend it Like Beckham” features a sport beloved among North Koreans, but it also taboo topics, like interracial relationships, homosexuality and religion. [AP]

“Beckham” was of course a famous blacksmith, the title referring to the legend that he once forged 87 plowshares in a single day, his only reward the glory of his country, before courageously dying of exhaustion.  Analysts say the film was seen by a crowd of dozens, perhaps hundreds, on the single communal television in the revolutionary square at the National University of Electricity.

This is the trailer for London Boulevard, the directorial debut of Departed screenwriter William Monahan (who also wrote Body of Lies and Kingdom of Heaven) starring Colin Farrell and Keira Knightley.  Between the Clash soundtrack and the fancy typography, it certainly looks Guy Ritchie-y.  I miss Colin Farrell’s Irish accent, which makes every line at least 50% funnier, but I was onboard until the money line:

“If I fell in love with you, what would you do about it?”

“Everything.”

Ray Winstone is in this too, but after that exchange, I couldn’t help picturing every character as Autofellatio Walrus.

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(“Sorry, B, the uniform just seemed a lil f@ggy, nah mean?”)

It seems like this Captain America tour has been going on forever and today, THR reports that it’s taken a detour through mumbly wigger town.  That’s right, Channing Tatum was reportedly “approached”, son.

At this stage Tatum, who just wrapped filming on the Steven Soderbergh action flick “Knockout,” has only been approached for the role and has not seen a script.  And the search is on for the female lead. Details for the part are being kept secret for now but it is rumored to be his flame Betsy Ross (ironically, named after the woman who is credited with creating the American flag). Keira Knightley was approached last week, but the studio is also looking at other actresses.

Yes, Keira Knightley as Channing Tatum’s love interest. I can’t imagine that being more perfect or believable.  “Damn, girl, I macked on some fly honeys before, but you… you like hella classy, huh. Is you Australian or somethin?  I betchoo all into, like, books an’ shit, huh. Haha, *mumble, mumble* nah mean?”

Still, both are just names being thrown around that will probably come to nothing. Hitfix yesterday reported that Ryan Phillippe is also “being considered.”  Of the names I’ve heard so far, he seems like the best.  I think it’s saying something when the guy first known for curly hair and pouty lips is the one who seems most like a masculine superhero.  I’d tell you what that something is, but it’s probably a homophobic slur.

This anti-domestic violence ad starring Keira Knightley and directed by Atonement’s Joe Wright has been banned in the U.K., for fairly obvious reasons.

Advertising censors are refusing to allow it to be broadcast unless key scenes are cut.
“The Cut” was made for the charity Women’s Aid, and launched in cinemas at the beginning of this month.
Charities working to combat domestic violence branded the decision by Clearcast, the ad approval body, “pathetic”, arguing that, in banning the advert, it is shielding the public from the reality of domestic violence.
“It seems pathetic. It is really important to raise awareness about domestic violence, and TV gets into people’s homes” said Sandra Horely, chief executive of Refuge, a charity that provides accommodation for women and children escaping from domestic violence.
“The reason we are still in conversation with Clearcast about it is because they believe it is too violent,” said Chris Hirst, managing director of Grey London Advertising Agency, which created The Cut. “Part of the point of the campaign is to raise awareness about domestic violence, and spark debate, which the advert has done, even if it doesn’t make it on to TV.”  [Independent]

Whatever, you can spout your “just raisin’ awareness” cliché if you want, but all ads like this do is convince me that the the people who make them are creepy and weird.  It’s like filming a guy who rapes a baby and poops on his dog, and then at the end an announcer comes on and says “don’t rape a baby and poop on your dog.”  Really? That was your solution?  Look, if you want money for your charity, just film Sarah McLachlan singing to a sad puppy, you can have everything in my wallet.