The source of this story about a possible sequel to Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure (I think we can all agree to pretend Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey never existed, right?  Good.) is the above video, of MTV’s awkward Josh Horowitz asking Keanu Reeves, “Let’s greenlight the Bill & Ted sequel right now, let’s make it happen.”

To which Keanu says, “I’m trying, I’m trying.”  Then Josh asks him if he’s kidding, and he says he’s serious, but it’s hard to tell if he actually is, because one of the things dumb people like to do when they’re joking is keep saying “I’m serious” and smirking.  I know your game, Reeves. Now gimme back my nose, motherfu-ker.

Anyway, was he serious?  Or was he just trying to avoid looking like an asshole when someone brought up his most successful role like John Cusack did when someone brought up boomboxes?  Said Alex Winter through a mouthful of rubber tubing he was using to tie off an arm vein, “God I hope he was serious.”  Anyone want to guess what Alex Winter’s actual last steady role was?  If you said “King Mole Man” on “Saul of the Mole Men,” go to the head of the class.  I am not making that up.  You have to admit, “Saul” is a really good name for a mole man.

[via MTV - thanks to the Carluch for the tip]

According to an Ontario woman whose claim was recently thrown out of court, Keanu Reeves is a shapeshifter who disguised himself as her husband, fathered her children, and then used his space powers to alter the DNA test results.  …Whoa.

Karen Sala had alleged that Reeves was the father of her four adult children and was seeking $3 million a month in spousal support and $150,000 a month in retroactive child support.

A DNA test showed Reeves was not the father of Sala’s adult children, who are between 21 and 25 years old. In her affidavit, Sala suggested Reeves uses hypnosis and disguises himself as different people, including her now ex-husband, who is the real father, as is stated in documents in their divorce proceedings.

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Commercial director Carl Rinsch (you can see couple examples of his work below), who was once attached the Alien prequel, has been hired to direct 47 Ronin, a Keanu Reeves samurai movie.

Actioner “47 Ronin” tells the famous fact-based story of a band of samurai swordsmen who avenge the death of their master in 18th century Japan. The Chris Morgan (“Wanted”) script was tailored so that the half-Asian Reeves can play one of the swordsmen. The picture mixes the fantastical elements of films like “The Lord of the Rings” with battle scenes of the sort found in “Gladiator” and “300.”  [Variety]

Uh, hello?  Keanu Reeves is not half-Asian.  At the most he’s a quarter.  His mother is English and his father is Hawaiian and Chinese and named “Reeves”.  Pff, these Variety idiots act like they’ve never read a Tiger Beat.  (It’s called “Tiger Beat” because as soon as I open it I start pawing at my junk).  Anyway, Hollywood samurai movies are always great because since Japan was completely closed to the outside world from 1639 – 1854, they always have to come up with a really cool reason for why a famous white guy like Keanu Reeves or Tom Cruise is there. And Keanu Reeves can play a great samurai.  Samurai, KGB agent, caveman, one of those Buckingham palace guards — pretty much anyone who’s face doesn’t move much.   I have a Bell’s Palsy script I’m trying to get him to read.

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“Whoa.”

Universal is developing a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde movie, a project which requires above all else a lead with some versatility. Naturally they chose Keanu Reeves.

Universal is developing a modern retelling of the classic novella “The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde,” with Keanu Reeves attached to star and Justin Haythe, writer of “Revolutionary Road,” penning the script. Nicolas Winding Refn [writer/director of Bronson] is in negotiations to direct the project, titled “Jekyll.” [THR]

In the original story, Dr. Jekyll invents potion that brings out a different personality when he drinks it.  Sources at Universal say the biggest challenge they face in development will be creating the potion and getting it to work.

Keanu Reeves has signed on to play the lead in Fox’s live-action adaptation of Cowboy BeBop, a decision I would probably have lots to say about if I knew anything about anime.

Reeves will take on the role of Spike Spiegel, an adventurous bounty hunter traveling through space in 2071. Story follows the adventures of a group of bounty hunters traveling on their spaceship, the Bebop. [Variety]

I’m not sure what the hell that has to do with cowboys, but then, I don’t feel like reading all 8,000 words of the Wikipedia entry either.  All I know is that with Keanu playing the lead I’m not sure it’s fair to call it “live-action”.  But then, it certainly couldn’t be “animated” either.  Get it?  Because Keanu Reeves is a bad actor, you see.  If you liked either of these jokes, check out my Stock Keanu Reeves Jokes catalogue, now just $18.95 plus shipping and handling.