If I’ve learned anything in all of these years on this crazy spinning rock, it’s that the Internet is a place of many, many, many, many (a million times more) different tastes, and rather than try to understand them all, I should just accept most of them. That’s why when I fell into a Deviant ART wormhole the other day and ended up browsing through something called “morphs” before taking a strange turn into Fat Hollywood, I just said, “F*ck it” and rolled with it. Pun sort of intended.

I don’t really know how to describe this strange exercise in photoshop other than by pointing at the banner pic of an obese Megan Fox and saying, “That.” Basically, from what I can tell, there are a lot of people out there who appreciate the true beauty of some of Hollywood’s most famous and talented actresses, but they’d prefer them to have a little more meat on their bones.

To each his own is what I say, because life is short and we should enjoy whatever makes us happiest. At least that’s a new philosophy I’m trying to embrace these days. So I gathered some of the morphs and FAToshops (trademark pending) of my favorite gorgeous actresses so that we could all see their beauty from a new, well-rounded perspective.

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Satan Willem Dafoe should have countered with, “I’ll suck your d*ck.” [via Viral Viral]

MORNING LINKS
Pulp Fiction almost starred Daniel Day-Lewis as Vincent Vega |Film Drunk|

Sometimes dogs need to be rebooted.
[via Awesomephilia]

The Woman Who Eats Cat Fur And 7 More Awesome Internet Finds From UPROXX Readers |Warming Glow|

The Internet’s 15 Best Tributes To Christian Bale |UPROXX|

For Absolutely No Reason, The Tim Duncan Outlet Pass Slow Jamz Mixtape |With Leather|

Here’s Amy Adams As Lois Lane |Gamma Squad|

Watch LL Cool J Performing Live In 1985 For A Group Of Kids |Smoking Section|

Dennis Pitta Is Not Elite-Level Ticklish |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

Animals that don’t suck |theChive|

Ranking Liz Lemon’s “30 Rock” Boyfriends |Buzzfeed|

The History of Wooing Men With Music |Clip Nation|

6 Rock ‘n Roll Urban Legends—Debunked! |Mental Floss|

7 Greatest Card Sharks In Movie History |Screen Junkies|

Movie plotholes that will destroy your childhood |Fark|

Our Legally Required Jason London Poop Blog Post, Your Honor |Videogum|

2013 Oscar Predictions: Place Your Bets, Junkies |NextMovie|

The 7 Stages of Reddit Addiction |College Humor|

Megan Fox Is Probably Going To Quit Acting |IDLYITW|

Batman Fighting a Shark: Snow Edition |Unreality|

R Kelly As He Was Meant To Be |Holy Taco|

7 Once Beloved TV Characters We’ve Come To Despise |Pajiba|

Alec Baldwin’s Drunken Grizzly Bear Seed Is Strong |The Superficial|

Lake Street Dive – I Want You Back (Jackson 5 Cover) |High Definite|

Bro’s Incredible Cover of R. Kelly’s ‘Ignition’ Is Hot and Fresh Out the Kitchen |Brobible|

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Today, October 5th, is the 50th anniversary of the world seeing Ursula Andress walk out of the ocean in a bikini for the first time, which is to say that it’s the 50th anniversary of the first James Bond film, Dr. No. The first martini’s on us, 007, then you can buy the rest. We, um, forgot our wallet. [It's a vodka martini! A martini has gin, dammit! -Vince]

To celebrate the occasion, a swell documentary was made by Epix. It’s called Everything or Nothing, and it focuses on the three men who brought James Bond to the screen: producers Albert R. Broccoli and Harry Saltzman and Bond author Ian Fleming.

Last night, Vanity Fair and Epix teamed up for a screening of Everything or Nothing (which airs on Epix tomorrow night at 8 p.m.), and UPROXX was there for the red carpet premiere to ask questions to famous people about their favorite Bond film and, more importantly, their favorite Bond Girl (Claudine Auger or GTFO). Yes, Kate Upton was there, and yes, she’s pretty and nice in real life, and no, I didn’t give her your number. Sorry.

(All photos courtesy of our wonderful photographer, Nadia Chaudhury.)

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I'm gonna say it again: You know Jane Lynch appreciates Kate Upton like we do.

Opening Everywhere: Three Stooges, The Cabin in the Woods, Lockout

FilmDrunk Suggests: I’m gonna go with Lockout on this one. It looks like it has a lot of entertainment potential and Vince didn’t think it was all that bad. Otherwise, I’m going to stay in and keep writing new movie ideas in my dream journal and praying that someone from Hollywood will steal it. It’s worth it.

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Kate Upton has a bit part in the Farrelly Brothers’s upcoming Three Stooges movie, so obviously everything she does is totally relevant to a serious film site such as this. But what am I saying? I’m sure I don’t have to justify these things to you. You guys, you guys get it, that’s why I like you. Anyway, Kate Upton has made a fine career out of having giant boobs that she can make jiggle when she walks, and finally someone has given them a supercut, which they call “Kate Upton Bouncing: The Supercut.” You can watch it below. It’s truly impressive, most girls just get an up-and-down bounce, if they’re lucky, while Kate has figured out a way to make both boobs not only jiggle and bounce up and down, but also gyrate side to side and twist almost independently of each other. Now if you’ll just let me get my compass and protractor out, we can make a fine graph of their pitch, roll, yaw, initial impact, amplitude, rate of jiggle, and other important statistics. (*pours test tube into beaker*) KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!

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