(Kelly Brook and Riley Steele on the set of Piranha 3D; source = WWTDD)

Sometimes we forget that the victims of this financial crisis aren’t all Best Buy clerks who can no longer afford the mortgage payments on their $600,000 house, or Wall Street execs who couldn’t buy new ponies for their daughter’s yacht this Christmas.  Some of the victims are just regular, hard-working films like Piranha 3D.

The Weinstein Company has fallen on hard times. Nine is a financial disaster, despite its Golden Globe nominations. And their 2009 genre box office was gloomy.
Tonight, the company has announced Piranha 3D has been pushed out of April into an undetermined August slot. David Glaser, a senior Weinstein Co. executive, tells the L.A. Times that the decision was not motivated by finances.
Sources tell us that when the film does arrives in August, it will not be in 3D. [Shocktillyoudrop]

Poor Piranha 3D. It’s sad when you can’t even afford the thing that’s in the title.  But I think we all know who’s to blame for this:  Kate Hudson.  That’s right, Kate Hudson.  Kate Hudson was in Nine, and they even let her sing a damned song in the trailer, despite the fact that she hasn’t been in a movie that’s scored over 50% on RottenTomatoes in ten years.  Her last four scored 12%, 15%, 10%, and 21%, respectively (full numbers after the jump).  Kate Hudson is to movies what Chinese milk is to baby food, and not only do they not take her out, they keep putting her name on the box.  Bottom line, this is all her fault, and the sooner she pays us back the TARP money, the sooner we can all get on with our lives.

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This is the final theatrical trailer for Rob Marshall’s Nine, exhorting you one last time to “be Italian” before its release on Christmas Day.  Luckily I’m already Italian, so I can grab my crotch and tell this trailer to “get lost” while thanking God I don’t have to post any more trailers about a guy who’s so cool that he’s “wearin’ shades in the middle of the night.”  If wearin sunglasses at night is cool, peeing your pants is Miles Davis.  Wait, what?

Anyway, it looks like there might be a good movie in there somewhere, but that music makes me want to cut off my ears and eat them.

Second perhaps only to that New Mexico soccer player video I’ve pleasured myself to so many times, my favorite sports-related story of the year was the rumor that A-Rod has a painting of himself as a centaur hanging over his bed.  Which, for the record, would be awesome.  Naturally, when MTV interviewed Rodriguez’ girlfriend Kate Hudson, they decided to ask her about it, because there’s really else nothing interesting about her.  This was the exchange:

HUDSON: That is the craziest thing anyone has ever asked me.
MTV GUY: You’re not answering the question.
HUDSON: I would never indulge in something so ridiculous.
MTV GUY: This was in a reputable magazine.  …Us Weekly. (laughs) [Ed. Note: This is him giving you an out, dummy.]
HUDSON: That’s… No.  I don’t “indulge” in those types of stories.  As humorous as you might think they are.

Oh you don’t?  That’s so noble of you.  Keep taking the high road there, chick-who-co-stars-with-Dane-Cook-and-makes-movies-about-treasure.  If you want to defuse rumors, a simple “no” and a giggle would suffice.  As for what you just said, I’m translating it as, “Of course the rumors are true, and did you know I’m a humorless bitch?”

(It’s a turn on, because who hasn’t wanted to choke Kate Hudson?)

After the jump I’ve got the extended, American Film Market trailer for Michael Winterbottom’s A Killer Inside Me.  I’m a little torn on whether to advise you to watch it, since it seems to give away the entire movie, but holy crap is it also awesomely disturbing.  Some of the stuff that happens:

• Casey Affleck goes to Jessica Alba’s house, gets angry, pins her down and starts belting her butt.  Surprise!  She loves it, and bites the sheets. (!)
• Casey Affleck puts his cigar butt out on a dude’s hand. (Like a boss).
• Casey Affleck and Kate Hudson enjoy some kinky choke-play. (The best kind of choke-play).
• Two words: Aggressive fingering. (The only kind of fingering).
• Kate Hudson re-enacts the video for “Smell Yo D***“
• Casey Affleck beats the crap out of Jessica Alba. (Oh sure, they say they like the rough stuff until you learn to box).

Bottom line, this was all sort of disturbing and I didn’t know whether to jerk off or curl up like a baby and suck my thumb.  So I did both.

UPDATE: I realize the video I added originally didn’t work for some people, so I attached a new YouTube version.
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• “Disturbing boobs and WTF military weapons.” You know, in case you needed another disturbing peek into my subconscious. |Asylum|
• 10 great war movie quotes. If I’d written this list, all 10 would be from Full Metal Jacket. God I love that movie. |ScreenJunkies|
• Follow FilmDrunk and Nick Nolte’s Mugshot on Twitter. Come on a-holes, I need to look popular so chicks will dig me. |/Nick_Nolte, /FilmDrunk|
• An MMA fighter raps and has Spencer Pratt in his posse.  It’s like a Brett Ratner coma fantasy. |InGameNow|
• Meet Relaxed Hitler.  He’d kill Jews if he weren’t so busy chillin’. |BOH|
• The top websites for laughing at others.  Hey now, I’d like to think this one is pretty good too. |YepYep|
• Ron Jeremy bumps into Shaquille O’Neal.  Is it gay to want to see them compare penises?  Proportion wise, it seems like Shaq having a penis less than a foot long would be like me having a foot the size of a thimble. |HoopDoctors|
• Drunken argument: Back the Future vs. Back to the Future 2. I gotta go the original on this one. |HolyTaco|
• The Five best Hustler porn parodies on YouTube. Speaks for itself, really. |NextRound|
• Handjobs for the future.  Huh, sounds like the past to me. |Atom|
• Trailer for ‘Prototype’.  My friend at G4 calls it “One of the prettiest and goriest gaming cinematics to come through in a while.” I wouldn’t really know.  My penis is my videogame. |G4|
• The anatomically correct slow jam. Even my slow jams only last a minute or so. |CollegeHumor|
• Stop the presses, Kate Hudson has brown hair.  Does this mean she can stop being in movies now? |DailyFill|
• Spider Cat! Because all cats should have a surf-rock soundtrack. |RoboPanda|

[Thanks to Geoff for the video]