Here’s Kate Beckinsale sorta naked in Underworld 3, which is sorta a movie! Oh wait, paaardon me, this is actually Underworld 4. This one’s officially called Underworld: Awakenings, and you can watch the trailer below. It’s a follow up to 2009′s Underworld: Rise of the Lycans, which I didn’t see, but which starred this guy, who seems cool. Like all previous Underworlds, this one was directed by Len Wiseman and stars his super-hot wife, Kate Beckinsale. It’s about vampires or something. Not to be confused with Resident Evil, which also has three sequels, all directed by Paul WS Anderson, and starring his hot wife, Milla Jovovich. Those are about zombies or something. Therefore I ask: Can’t we just combine Len Wiseman and Paul WS Anderson into one person? That seems like it’d be easier for everyone. Well, except maybe Kate Beckinsale and Milla Jovovich. BUT THINK OF THE SEXY TIMES!

Slight update: Okay, so Len Wiseman didn’t direct this one. I stand by all other statements.

Read the rest of this entry »

Chareth Cutestory sent me this video shot by Greg Williams for Esquire.  It might not be the best thing to start your work day with, unless you want to get fired for touching yourself, but I couldn’t very well not share it with you either.  That would’ve been totally not cool.

DAILY CIRCLE JERK LINKS

• Ufford‘s latest Uproxx feature: The top 20 5-second films. |Uproxx|
• And Chodin’s first Uproxx feature contribution, If the Golden Girls Were Wu-Tang Clan Members. |Uproxx|
• Bob Barker and his fruity lollipop microphone gettin’ pervy with ladies.  Sorta. |WarmingGlow|
• Takashi Miike, he of Gozu, Ichi the Killer, Sukiyaki Western Django fame, has a new trailer out.  Shockingly, it’s really weird and Japanese. |GammaSquad|
• Better know a draft pick: Mike Kafka. |KSK|
• In honor of Biggie Day yesterday, watch Nick Broomfield’s Tupac and Biggie documentary. |SmokingSection|
• Colin Farrell didn’t like Miami Vice. |InsideMovies|
• Terrier vs. Sprinler: Who ya got? |Urlesque|
• The 15 best pictures of Christina Hendricks.  You had me at “huge titties.” |UnrealityMag|
• Trampoliner lands on his head.  |CollegeHumor|
• 8 celebrity autobiographies we’d like to see. |HolyTaco|
• The 8 best fictional beers on TV. |ScreenJunkies|

This is a promo clip from Everybody’s Fine, starring Robert Deniro, Sam Rockwell, Drew Barrymore, and Kate Beckinsale. A remake of a 1990 Italian film, it’s about a widower whose children all cancel on him for Christmas so he decides to go visit them. It’s kind of Four Christmases in reverse, except the true reverse of Four Christmases would probably be really good.  ThePlaylist didn’t seem to like it much.  I haven’t seen it, but judging by this clip… hey, this is a promotional clip, right?  Like, it’s supposed to make you want to see the movie?  Absolutely nothing happens in this.  If this isn’t the most boring minute and ten seconds of the film, there must be another scene where someone reads a book.

Everybody’s Fine stars Robert DeNiro as a widower whose grown children (Sam Rockwell, Kate Beckinsale, Drew Barrymore) all cancel on him for Christmas dinner, so he embarks on a hijinks-filled road trip to find out what their hilariously quirky problems are.  Supposedly it’s a remake of Guiseppe Tornatore’s Stanno Tutti Bene (Italian for… wait for it… EVERYBODY’S FINE), written and directed by Waking Ned Devine‘s Kirk Jones.  But it looks basically like Four Christmases from the parent’s perspective.  i.e., sort of generic and lame.  But you never know if that’s the movie’s fault or if the trailer editor guy just didn’t know what he was working with.  Wait, you mean no one gets hit in the crotch?  How am I supposed to let people know this is a comedy?  And where the hell am I supposed to put the record scratch?  I’m telling you, this is a fool’s errand.  Someone fetch my “sproing” sound.

Read the rest of this entry »

This is the trailer for Whiteout, starring Kate Beckinsale.  It’s set in Antarctica, and most of the trailer plays out like a show on The Extreme History Channel.  Which I guess isn’t much different from the regular History Channel these days – since when is searching for bigfoot or imagining Earth without humans considered history?  Moar war footage, plz.  Anyway, I digress… Yeah, so they spend about 1:30 talking about how extreme Antarctica is, and then for the last 30 seconds it’s all, “And you know what else? MURDER.”  Really?  That’s it?  For a movie based on an award-winning graphic novel, the trailer feels a lot like an episode of CSI Miami.   “Looks like this time… the cold… caught you.  YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH…”