High Kick Girl high-kicked its way into my heart with an awesome teaser a few months ago and I’ve been following it closely ever since (sometimes I sleep outside its bedroom window).  I have the new trailer after the jump, and it still doesn’t have English subtitles, but luckily the language of Asian girls in short skirts kicking people in the face is universal.  Also: pay special attention to the knee to the head she takes at the 1:19 mark.  How awesome is that sound effect?  It sounds like they recorded a melon being crushed.  That’s probably how they disposed of it after cutting a hole in it, putting it in the microwave, and making love to it. I think there’s a metaphor in there.
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Even though JCVD turned an awesome concept into an annoying film school masturbation, it was worth it for bringing Van Damme back into the media spotlight.  Not even Steven Seagal does a better interview.

“You know, like, we’re gonna do Bloodsport 2,” he told us in a recent interview. “Which was my first movie. And I want to do it now in a very mature way, where the guy from Bloodsport is a complete bum, maybe abusing his son.”

[On encountering resistance from the studio] “They told me, ‘No, no, no!  You cannot make a movie in America where a father is abusing his son physically! It’s wrong.”

“And you cannot be a guy on drugs doing karate and shit like that.’ I said, ’Why? Why? Tell me why.’  It’s against the rules of success. But I believe the other rules of success. To show something real.” [TotalFilm]

Dear Studio Exec: Think about it, Bloodsport 2: Child Abuse and Drugs and Karate and Shit, starring Jean-Claude Van Damme and Gary Busey.  The world is counting on you.

I was reading this article about Hollywood planning to remake The Karate Kid, and immediately started thinking of a Nick Cannon joke.  But then, come to find out, Will Smith’s son Jaden is the favored choice for the lead.  They’re both black guys, but Jaden is 9 years old.  Long story short, I would totally hit that.

This piece of casting has apparently come about because the film will be made under the banner of Will Smith’s Overbook Entertainment. Jerry Weintraub, producer of the 1984 movie, is apparently producing this too.

You know who’s going to be pissed about this? Every nerd who saw the original and ended up getting his ass kicked when he got in a bar fight and started doing "kata".  What’s next, Zac Efron in a remake of Ferris Bueller?  Dear God, I shouldn’t even ponder that aloud.  Pat Morita will be spinning in his grave.

Which brings me to my next item, Pat Morita is dead.  In 2005.  Sorry I missed that.