"Reedo boy go away! Stay out my store!"

The Jaden Smith/Jackie Chan Karate Kid remake was partially financed by the Chinese government (see: China Film Group Corps) and went on to gross $360 million worldwide, so why wouldn’t they want to make another one? The entire enterprise was the shameless sequel’s greatest success story. It was set in China and starred famous Kung Fu practitioner Jackie Chan, and they STILL called it KARATE Kid. Now Sony has wrangled poor Zak Penn (X-Men 2, Incredible Hulk), who’s probably a talented screenwriter, to do more of their dirty work. The Republicans bitch about China owning our economy every six minutes, and not one peep about this? Come on, guys, there’s low-hanging fruit here. Snatch the low-hanging fruit from this 12-year-old African-American boy– okay I probably could’ve worded this better.

Columbia Pictures has tapped “The Incredible Hulk” scribe Zak Penn to rewrite its untitled sequel to 2010′s surprise hit “The Karate Kid.”
Ethan Reiff and Cyrus Voris were hired to write a sequel just weeks after director Harald Zwart’s “Karate Kid” reboot took in $55.6 million domestically over its opening weekend. China-set pic went on to gross $359 million worldwide.
While plot details remain under wraps, original stars Jaden Smith and Jackie Chan are expected to reprise their roles, though no deals are currently in place. [Variety]

Phew, thank goodness, I don’t know what I’d do if Jaden Smith didn’t return. I just love it when famous people use their children as an extension of their personal fashion sense. Yo go, Will! You’ve imbued your progeny with such “swag!” Would that ALL of our children could one day wear sneakers with their own pictures on the side. Bullying would end, self-esteem would reign, and we’d all follow our dreams and groove in one groovy drum circle. I hope this trend continues, and three or four years from now we get to see Sly Stallone’s granddaughter, Dakota Lundgren, and Mickey Rourke’s dog in The Expendablets.

Completing the you’re-f*cking-old trifecta, J. Lo is in talks to play Carmen Sandiego, Dippin Dots (ice cream of the future) filed for bankruptcy, and today Ralph Macchio turned 50. Also? Karate Kid came out 27 years ago. You’re dying one second at a time! Cue montage! On the plus side, Ralph Macchio still looks pretty good. This was taken this year:

I don’t know what his anti-aging secret is, but I assume it’s the karate.

This is ostensibly a humor site about movies, so I’ll forgive you for not knowing that Lyoto Machida knocked out Randy Couture (and knocked one of his teeth out) with a front kick on Saturday night.  It was the second front kick knockout in the UFC, and in a bizarro-world turn, the second time a fighter credited Steven Seagal (LAW MAN! MARTIAL ARTIST! POONANI LOVER!) with helping to refine his technique. (Yes, for those of you who asked, this was a real picture, not Photoshop).  However, for those of us movie lovers watching (Joe Rogan included), the move looked a lot more like Daniel-san’s infamous Crane Kick than anything from a Steven Seagal movie.  For shame, Seagal, trying to take credit for Miyagi’s moves.  I know you don’t like to keep track of space and time, but that’s no excuse.  STRIKE FIRST! STRIKE HARD! NO MERCY!

The only way this could’ve been better is if Machida had jumped on top of Couture as if to ground and pound, but then tweaked his nose instead.

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It’s only bullsh*t Hollywood nepotism that gets Will Smith’s dumb wiener kid a part in the Karate Kid remake while acclaimed martial artist James William Gregory Jr. here is relegated to making YouTube videos like some broke-ass afro ninja. Nonetheless, thanks to the magic of the internet, we have the impressive Kung Fu demonstration you see here.  Pardon me, EAGLE CLAW kung fu.  Some of his other YouTube videos include:

• I AM BETTER THAN YOU ALL!!! JEALOUS FOOLS!!!

• 2 PORTIONS OF MY SONGS THAT I WROTE!!! J.G.

• I AM NOT A LIAR!!! NOT HOMELESS, I AM MARRIED

• I MET AND SEEN CAMERON DIAZ AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL

He is a great man.

[Thanks to RopeofSilicon for the discovery]

Ugh, is there anyone in Hollywood as nauseating as Will Smith and family?

TOKYO (AFP) – Hollywood star Will Smith said he advised his 12-year-old son Jaden to keep his lips closed in a screen kiss in the remake of “The Karate Kid”, warning him that otherwise he would “look like a whale”.
“Try not to keep your mouth open,” is what Smith, who produced the movie, advised his son — although he added that it was his wife, Jada Pinkett Smith, who first gave him the tip during shooting of the 2008 film “Seven Pounds”.
On the big screen, “if you open your mouth too much, you look like a whale,” Smith told a Tokyo press conference Thursday.
“It kind of looks like you’re trying to eat the person instead of kissing them,” he added before demonstrating his message by locking lips with his wife.
Jaden drew laughs when he cheekily replied to his dad: “I think it would be a good idea to keep your mouth shut.”
Smith said shooting the movie was a character-building experience for his son, telling the press conference: “Jackie and I really viewed this time with Jaden as essentially to teach him how to hunt.
“This was not just about making a movie or about becoming an actor. This was about becoming a respectable positive young man that has value to the world. In order to do that, you can only do that through blood, sweat and tears.” [AP]

Blood, sweat, tears, and sneakers with pictures of yourself on them was what he must’ve been trying to say.  Will Smith’s family are like the a-holes who drive around the subdivision in a shiny minivan with a bumper sticker that says “my kid received the cuddles award at Queefsbury Junior High!” and send you a Christmas newsletter that regales you with stories of all the things they’ve accomplished over the past year. “Janie is attending her first softball camp and she thinks it’s just peachy!  Billy decided he likes peas!”

Keep smiling, d*ckhead, we’ll find your rape dungeon eventually.