We were looking (hoping?) for a motive in the case of Kai the Homefree Hitchhiker, currently wanted for the murder of a 73-year-old lawyer in New Jersey, and it seems we may have found one. Kai posted this to his Facebook page on Tuesday (thanks to Jim for the tip):

what would you do if you woke up with a groggy head, metallic taste in your mouth, in a strangers house… walked to the mirror and seen come dripping from the side of your face from your mouth, and started wretching, realizing that someone had drugged, raped, and blown their f*ckin load in you? what would you do?

I’m not sure my answer to this question would be “bash the guy’s skull in with a blunt object,” but then I’ve never found myself in that situation (knock on wood). Obviously, he could just be making up a story to excuse himself for (yet again) cracking someone’s skull, but at the very least, this would seem to be a clue as to what Kai’s legal defense is going to be.

Obviously, the kid’s got some demons, but… I don’t know, I’m not sure if I’m wrong for holding out hope that he’s not a cold-blooded murderer. If the guy who got his brains bashed in turned out to be a rapist, would that make this story better? That’s dark, but yeah, I guess it kind of would. It’s a sad irony that living off the generosity of strangers seems to expose you to the worst of humanity as often as it does to the best. Sorry this post wasn’t very funny.

Well, I kinda figured this story would eventually get really sad, but what could we do? It was fun at the time. The sad twist today brings us is that Internet sensation Kai the Homefree Hitchhiker, he of the “Smash smash suh-mash” hatchet incident in my hometown of Fresno and Jimmy Kimmel appearances, is now wanted for the murder of a 73-year-old attorney in New Jersey.

A man known on the internet as “Kai the Hatchet Wielding Hitchhiker” is now being sought for the murder of a man in northern New Jersey, and police say he was last seen in the area of Haddonfield, Camden County.
The suspect is identified as Caleb Lawrence McGillvary, a 34-year-old who is well known on Facebook and YouTube.
An arrest warrant has been issued for McGillvary in the homicide of Joseph Galfy, Jr. in Clark, New Jersey, WABC-TV in New York reports.
The victim, Joseph Galfy, was found inside his home on Starlite Drive on May 13, 2013 after officers received a call to check on his well-being.
An autopsy performed the following day determined that Galfy died as a result of blunt force trauma, said Union County Prosecutor Theodore J. Romankow.
Based on the investigation, authorities know that McGillvary has cut his hair in an attempt to alter his appearance.
He was last seen at a light rail station in Haddonfield, N.J. area, said Romankow. He is considered to be armed and dangerous.
The Union County Homicide Task Force is working with local, state, and Federal officials to locate McGillvary. He is charged with murder in Union County and bail has been set at $3 million by Superior Court Judge Stuart Peim.

I’m still holding out hope that there’s more to this story than just Kai killing this guy in cold blood. During his first interview, he did reveal that in addition to bashing the psychopathic, racist, attempted car-murderer with a hatchet in the incident that made him famous, that he had previously knocked a guy’s teeth out in an orchard, but only because the guy was talking about raping women. I don’t know how to find a nice middle ground here between not disparaging the dead and hoping that Kai was just being a righteous vigilante again. He did describe bashing a guy in the head with a hatchet as ““f*ckin’ gnarly man. It was like the biggest wave I’ve ever ridden in my life,” so I hope he didn’t just get addicted to the thrill of it.

Is it really so much to ask that the charmingly insane don’t turn out to be just insane-insane? You’re a real downer, reality, you know that?

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Listen on the player above, or download this week’s episode as an mp3 here (right-click, “save as.”)

Great episode of the Frot this week. We welcomed San Francisco comedian Matt Louv, The Museum of Comedy, live in the frotquarters. He told us about his trip to Facebook HQ to hear Deepak Chopra (Deepak being an obsession of Matt’s), read a few more OKCupid emails, discussed arguments about and critical reactions to Django Unchained, and the self-help phenomenon in general. In the midst of that, we did a phoner with Jessob Reisbeck of KMPH Fox 26 (my hometown news station, as a Fresno County native), the guy who got the first interview with Kai the Hitchhiking Hatchet Hero and continues to bring us exclusive updates (such as the one above). Humorous, exciting, informative – you know, just the usual stuff we do. Naturally, we also covered the story of the couple addicted to coffee enemas and a guy afraid to poop at his girlfriend’s house.

UPCOMING SHOWS: FEBRUARY 27th AT THE HOLLYWOOD IMPROV WITH MARIA BAMFORD, PAUL SCHEER, GREG FITZSIMMONS, DAVE ANTHONY, AND JOE KING/SINCLITICO! If you miss this you are an asswad. Tickets here.

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Email us at frotcast@gmail.com. Voicemail us at 415.275.0030. Follow me on Twitter. Follow Jessob on Twitter. Follow Matt Louv on Twitter. Follow Ben on Twitter. Follow Bret on Twitter. Fan us on Facebook.

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While I’m mostly convinced that the Kai the Homeless free Hitchhiker story is eventually going to end in tragedy or at least mundane depression, a la the Golden-Voiced Hobo, for the time being, it’s still fairly uplifting. Kai went on Jimmy Kimmel last night, and in a six-minute segment (you can watch below), proved to be just as compelling as he was when he was delivering positive messages and smashing a guy with a hatchet. Besides the fact that Kai is basically a foul-mouthed, surf-bro version of the Incredible Hulk, a drifter who goes from town to town hiding from his demons while fighting crime and enforcing his own moral code, he seems suspiciously educated. For instance, in the original video, Kai described the victim of his hatchet justice as “haole, got no breath in him, you know what I’m saying?”

“Haole” being a Hawaiian term for foreigner, which some people think means “breathless,” stemming from Hawaiians’ observation that foreigners didn’t use a Polynesian greeting that includes breath sharing. It’s not crazy that a surfer might know something like that, but this time around, Kai also quotes Greek (25 seconds into the second video – something about “fileo towards sofia”) and mentions a story about the queen of England locking two ravens in the Tower of London (1:35 of the second video) -  a reference to the legend that the kingdom would fall if ravens ever left the Tower of London, specifically the two ravens born there in May 2012. So, if Kai isn’t educated, he’s at the very least a hobo who reads a lot. Oh, but that’s not all.

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As everyone expected since three seconds after it happened, Kai the Homeless Hitchhiking Hatchet Hero (yes, I know that he prefers to be known as “home-free,” not “homeless,” but it’s a little late for that) has spawned his very own autotune (well, multiple autotunes, this one courtesy of the Gregory Bros). It’s not really surprising that it lends itself well to autotune, since Kai prefaced his interview with a fourth-wall-breaking inspirational message that wouldn’t have been out of place as the spoken-word bridge of any up-with-people pop song. And of course, the interview had a natural chorus, and I think we all already knew what it was. SMASH SMASH SUH-MAAAASH.

I love Kai, but I am a little concerned that all this is going to ruin his life. Above almost all else, the life of a chilled-out drifter relies on anonymity. So as much as I want to know more about him, his message is more powerful if “Kai” remains but a last-nameless, exact-ageless idea, roaming from town to town inspiring the populace with his beautiful words and bashing sex offenders’ heads in with camping tools. It’s important we savor this moment, while his only outstanding warrant is for keeping it real. Be excellent to each other, bros.

Updates below.

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