The JLA movie I said was never going to happen months ago is now officially on hold until after the writers’ strike ends.

Word leaked in the fall that the script, by the husband-and-wife team of Kieran and Michele Mulroney, was good but that subsequent rewrites, including the latest by Miller, had pacing issues and took the project in the wrong direction. [Reuters]

Ahh yes, “pacing issues”.  I ran into those when I was working on my script about Squiggy the Omnipotent Unicorn.  His invulnerability wasn’t a problem, it was just hard to keep a consistent level of intensity, you know?

The decision to put the project on hold now frees up the actors who had been cast in such roles as Superman (Scott Porter), Batman (Armie Hammer), Wonder Woman (Megan Gale), Green Lantern (Common) and the Flash (Adam Brody). Extensions on their contracts expired Tuesday. 

Yes, I’m sure all of Hollywood’s auteurs were beating down Scott Porter’s door.  Oh well, I bet he got some sweet pictures for his myspace page. 

"Justice’s" delay is considered good news for Christopher Nolan’s camp. The director is in post-production on "The Dark Knight," the sequel to "Batman Begins," and is said to have been unhappy with the "Justice League" movie because its version of Batman clashed with his one, starring Christian Bale. Nolan has been resisting directing a third "Batman" movie, though the studio would relish the possibility and could begin heavy courting.

Note to studio: I recommend “Grandma’s Summertime Strip-me-naked” for all your “heavy courting” needs (RAWR!).  A 30 pack of bud, a handle of the strongest grain alcohol you can find, and a package of Countrytime Lemonade.  Makes a nice little apertif.  Three glasses and he’ll be putty in your hands. (Four glasses will kill him, so be careful). 

Besides being a retarded concept without a shootable script, Justice League of America is in trouble. In fact, my prediction that it would never get made from a couple months ago is looking more and more like I knew what I was talking about.

"It’s a big shambles," a film insider said.

While the comic book superhero flick is currently in pre-production at Moore Park’s Fox Studios, many of those involved in making the movie have not yet returned to work for the year after their summer holiday break. [News.com.au]

Oh you lazy Aussies.  But I can’t say I blame them, I’d rather admit going ass to mouth than tell people I worked on the JLA movie. 

Hey, another stupid JLA rumor!  From… wait for it… You guessed it, AICN!

Anyway, the word around the campfire is that Justice League of America may be called American Heroes now – which would be funny considering the GI Joe movie coming out and its Real American Heroes tagline – though probably won’t matter since JLA probably won’t ever get made.

Remember how director George Miller had said recently during the AFI Awards that when it goes before cameras, Justice League would have a different name? Well, according to a tipster, that name may have already been leaked by Batman. No, not the rumored-to-be-playing-Batman, Armie Hammer, but the other Batman, Christian Bale. Here’s what they claim: "Christian Bale was on Nova (FM) today in an interview (pre-recorded I assume) for "Yuma" and said he has "nothing to do with AMERICAN HEROES, and their Batman will be different to our Batman." [Cinematical] 

Hey, remember when Budweiser had those Real American Heroes ads (later changed to Real Men of Genius so as not to offend retards)?  Someone should write one of those for AICN tipsters. 

Bud Light presents: Real Meeen of Geeeeniu-uuss…

Today we salute you: Mr. AICN Rumor Monger 

Mr. AICN Rumor Moo-oongerrrr…

What would we do without you, oh grand pooh-bah of the graphic novel?

Dooon’t call ‘em comiiics…

You keep us up-to-date on the latest fictional characters, like Batman, Spider-man, Aquaman, and your girlfriend.

Stay ouuut of my room mooom…

So crack open a cold one, you sage of the superhighway.  Because after all, who’s a bigger expert than you about shit you just made up? 

I got an insider scoop heeeere…

We’ll report your juvenile fantasies any time, because hey, what the hell have we got to do? 

Paaass me the Bugle snacks…

Budweiser Beer, Anheiser Busch, St. Louis, Missouri

Mr. AICN Rumor Mooo-ooongerrr…. 

Oh my God I’m so sick of these…

Still more Justice League of America (JLA) casting news today, as The LA Times is reporting that Adam Brody has "closed negotiations" for the part of the Flash.  Believe it or not, I actually like Brody as an actor.  He was in Thank You for Smoking for like five minutes and stole the whole movie. And thankfully, I have reason to believe he won’t be wasting his time with this dump because…

When contacted for comment by MTV, a Warner Brothers representative echoed statements made earlier to The Times, saying that the film hasn’t yet even been greenlit. [MTV] 

There have already been SEVENTEEN JLA-related posts (this one’s probably the sexiest) since FilmDrunk began in August. Even if this movie ever comes out, which it won’t, it’ll be like 2012 by then and people will be so sick of hearing about it that they won’t care. Either that or we’ll all have been raped to death by rabid monkeys from the future.  

Futuristic Diseased Monkeys: 1, Stupidass Ideas for Superhero Movies: -12. 

Hopefully this will be the last Justice League of America casting story I ever do.  Today /Film is reporting that Megan "She’s Blowin’ Up" Gale has been confirmed for Wonder Woman and Armie Hammer confirmed for Batman… by AICN and IESB… aw, crap.

Megan Gale is, of course, the lovely lady to your left – of whom I’d never heard before today, but am now a fan, since a simple Google Image Search for her name turns up numerous topless photos. Bottom line, she’s hot and slutty and I’d probably drink her bathwater, but I still wouldn’t see JLA if you paid me… in Megan Gale bathwater.  

Armie Hammer, someone else I’ve never heard of, will be playing the part of Batman. He’s supposedly 6’5", but he’s also named after Baking Soda so I’m pretty sure he’s a huge pussy. Actually, he’s named after his great grandfather, Armand Hammer. Why he’d choose to go by Armie rather than Army boggles the mind, but as far as the origin of the name: 

According to Carl Blumay, his biographer and former press agent, Hammer was named after the "Arm and Hammer" symbol of the Socialist Labor Party (SLP), in which his father, a committed socialist, had a leadership role at one time. [Wiki]

Awesome, maybe they should recast Superman as Hitler, put a swastika on his chest, and rename the movie Jew-Killing League of America Haters. Jerks.