In shocking news you’ll never believe, the hype-heavy Justice League of America movie, which more than a year ago I said would never get made, has now lost George Miller, who was once rumored to be directing JLA, a Mad Max sequel, and Happy Feet 2, all in a six-month period.

Dark Horizons reports that filmmaker George Miller appeared on Sydney-based morning talk show “Sunrise” on Monday and confirmed he’s no longer involved with the Justice League movie in any capacity.  Miller indicated that if the project does get going again, he expects that it’ll be recast as “the studios seem to want bigger stars in their superhero movies now.”
Miller added that he’d like to work with Mel Gibson again and while the actor doesn’t want to do the “Mad Max” script he wrote, he hasn’t given up on that possibility just yet. [ComingSoon]

Bigger stars?  Who the hell needs big stars when you’ve got Hawkman and the guy who talks to fish?  What’s that you say, terrorists are attacking the Pentagon?  Call Superman!  Wait, Superman could never defeat them alone!  Call Batman and Wonder Woman and the Flash. No, still not good enough!  Wait, I’ve got it!  This sounds like a job for… The Green Arrow, and his boxing-glove arrow!  Then, once Green Arrow has them stunned, Superman can vaporize them with his eyeball lasers!

Who gives a shit who you cast, this thing writes itself.

UPDATE: The original source for this story, Dark Horizons, has removed their original story, and representatives for George Miller say nothing about is true, that he is still attached to the project, and that he did not go on any Sunrise talk show.  Phew!  He’s in, he’s out, he’s in – I’m all dazed, it’s like I just got hit with a boxing glove arrow or something.  Seriously though, I would happily murder George Miller with a shovel if it meant never having to write anything about this stupid project ever again.

The LA Times recently wrapped up their three-part interview with Dark Knight director Chris Nolan.  Of interest is a question they ask him about cross-over films like The Avengers or, God forbid, Justice League.  In his response, Nolan displays the kind of having a brain which often characterizes people who make good movies.

“I don’t think our Batman, our Gotham, lends itself to that kind of cross-fertilization. It goes back to one of the first things we wrangled with when we first started putting the story together: Is this a world in which comic books already exist? Is this a world in which superheroes already exist? If you think of “Batman Begins” and you think of the philosophy of this character trying to reinvent himself as a symbol, we took the position — we didn’t address it directly in the film, but we did take the position philosophically — that superheroes simply don’t exist. If they did, if Bruce knew of Superman or even of comic books, then that’s a completely different decision that he’s making when he puts on a costume in an attempt to become a symbol. It’s a paradox and a conundrum, but what we did is go back to the very original concept and idea of the character. In his first appearances, he invents himself as a totally original creation.”

It’s a nice way of saying that it’d be dumb to do a movie with Batman and Superman because the kind of world Superman could live in is much different than the world where Batman lives (among other things).  Now Warner has a choice.  Heed the advice of the guy who made them $600 million and hope he works with them again on a sequel people might actually want to see, or slap together some bullshit Dawson’s Creek Justice League movie and probably durst the entire superhero movie concept like Batman and Robin did in ’97.

I hope they go with door #1 but either way I’m gonna be here eating handisnacks in my underwear.  You know what else pisses me off?  This spreadable cheese compartment.  Why isn’t it bigger?  This is an outrage!

About a year ago it seemed like every day I was having to cover another stupid rumor about the Justice League of America movie, which I said from the beginning will never happen.  Today every blog-o-dork with a laptop is reporting that Justice League is back on, based on this throwaway article about Megan Gale (pictured), who’d been hired to play Wonder Woman before the project was rightfully tabled.

Initially slated to be filmed Down Under, [director George] Miller conceded production had been moved offshore, with a plan to resume filming next year. [from the Herald-Sun, an Australian newspaper.  $10 the reporter was totally hammered when he wrote this]

See? The director of the shelved project says they "plan" to resume next year, so obviously it’s back on.  I don’t know if I’ll be able to see it, because I’m training to be an astronaut next year.  That’s right, an astronaut.  Who’s the lazy one now, Karen Henry, you selfish bitch.   

I’m breathless.  When I read this, my shoes shot across the room. And I still haven’t gotten my top hat back on my head.

I’m in Long Beach at the Speed Racer junket and I briefly cornered producer Joel Silver to ask him how the Justice League movie would affect Wonder Woman [Sub question: Who wins in a fight, Bugs Bunny or Inspector Gadget?  According to today's leading scientists, that's a burn. -Ed.]. The answer: it won’t. According to Silver, who would be in the know, Justice League has been ‘tabled.’

"Tabled", is of course fancy movie talk for "deep sixed", or "kicked to the curb and then thrown under the bus".  It’s strange, I never would’ve thought a movie about Batman, Superman, The Flash, a guy who talks to fishes and a dude who shoots boxing glove arrows would wind up not getting made.  I suppose the only word to describe my mood right now is "shock-founded." 

Sam Raimi bringing back Jack Ryan
The Tom Clancy character played by Alec Baldwin, Harrison Ford and Ben Affleck is being brought back to life by Sam Raimi.  Hopefully with a chainsaw for a hand.

Eastwood to star and direct Gran Torino
No word on the plot yet, but from the title, it sounds like a car-racing picture. Expect Eastwood to confuse the other drivers by leaving his fucking turn signal on the entire race.

Michael Cera in Scott Pilgrim’s Little Life
To be directed by Hot Fuzz‘ Edgar Wright.  Pre-pubescent boys seemed way less cool when I was pre-pubescent.  2006 was a dark time.

Adam Brody and JK Simmons join Diablo Cody movie
Brody and Simmons are in talks to join the cast of Jennifer’s Body, the follow up Diablo Cody/Jason Reitman collaboration. I was in negotiations to be in Jennifer’s Body as well, but the talks broke down when Jennifer thought it was creepy the way I stare at her.  Prude.

Justice League update
Justice League is now called Justice League: Mortal and won’t be shot in Australia after the govt. refused it a tax rebate. Director George Miller whined that they were making a huge mistake. “Oi, hahden the fuck up, ya cunt,” I imagine a minister responded.

Sly writing another Rambo sequel
He says this one won’t be a war movie.  Will Rambo find love and save the rec center… from zombies?  With the help of a hip hop dance crew?  

2001 writer Arthur C. Clarke Dead
First Anthony Minghella, now Art Clarke – these things always happen in threes.  Gosh I hope the good lord spares Brett Ratner yet again!

Vice Guide to North Korea
Vice has a fun little travel series about the world’s goofiest oppressive dictatorship.

And last but not least, not film-related but certainly important:

Swan, swan-shaped boat to part ways
Oh sure, when an animal wants to bone something inanimate it’s cute, but when I do it it’s illegal?  Screw you, Nordstrom’s, you fucking fascists.

[Thanks to Robo for many of these tips]