Before Brett Ratner came in and took a giant dump on the franchise, Bryan Singer directed X-Men and X-Men 2, probably my favorite two comic book movies outside of Dark Knight and Spider-Man 2.  That’s why, even though Superman Returns and Valkyrie were pretty lame, it’s big news that he just signed on to direct X-Men: First Class.  But temper your excitement, because The OC/Gossip Girls‘ Josh Schwartz is writing the script and it’s about teenage mutants. That’s right, and the studio is Fox.

If you don’t remember, writer Josh Schwartz of “The O.C.” and “Gossip Girl” will be penning the script which, if [producer] Lauren Schuler Donner has her way, won’t be toning down the intensity of the X-Men. Donner said previously: “We want it to be like the recent, darker Potters. It should not be a kiddie movie: we’re in the X-Men world so you can’t suddenly change the tone. The First Class comics are really fun — they’re funnier than any other comics I’ve read. Basically in each one the kids are fighting strange villains, sometimes it’s aliens, sometimes it’s monsters. I want to get a flavour of that world.” [FirstShowing]

Sounds kinda like X-Men meets Monster Squad or the X-Files, which could be cool with someone really talented running the show.  Too bad it’s Fox, who I wouldn’t trust to wash my car.  And knowing Josh Schwartz, the kids’ mutations will be stuff like being only moderately rich in a town full of filthy rich people, or having super gay eyebrows.

UPDATE FROM THE FUTURE: False alarm, looks like Matthew Vaughn’s directing.

Just when you thought he couldn’t get any more overrated, The O.C., Gossip Girls, and Chuck creator Josh Schwartz has signed on to direct a remake of the 1988 Michael J. Fox/Kiefer Sutherland film Bright Lights, Big City.

The 1984 Jay McInerney novel revolves around a disillusioned magazine writer who numbs the pain of a failed marriage and writer’s block with drugs, alcohol and nightly carousing. Schwartz begins writing after he completes the script for “X-Men: First Class.”

I’ll give Schwartz this: he’s good at writing spoiled rich-kid problems. “Waah, I have writer’s block!  And my Hummer’s the wrong color!”  He should team this writer guy with an African immigrant for a good-old fashioned black-white buddy comedy.

WRITER GUY: It’s just… I’m all stressed out.  I can’t finish this latest chapter in my post-modern novel.

AFRICAN: That is a shame.  But I know how you feel.  I was born with AIDS after my mother was raped to death by rebels.

WRITER GUY:  …It’s so funny that all this is happening while Lauren’s away.

The sad part is he’s probably going to take the first part of that idea and hire Nick Cannon.

After The Dark Knight and Iron Man made for a pretty solid comic-book-movie summer, it’s sad to remember that the X-Men franchise is still in the hands of the studio who made The Happening, Babylon A.D., Meet Dave, X-Files 2, Mirrors, Space Chimps, Max Payne, Jumper, and The Rocker.  The latest news is that they’re developing something called X-Men: First Class with The OC/Gossip Girls creator Josh Schwartz (who was offered the directing job but declined).  And yes, the concept is basically Muppet Babies.

Fox has been leaning toward using the younger characters introduced in the previous pics in future installments — teenagers with powers taught at the Xavier Institute for Higher Learning.  [Of course they have, Fox is terrible.  Just be thankful they haven't figured out how to write the Jonas Brothers into this.  -Ed.]

Pic joins other “X-Men”-related projects already in the works at the studio. Fox is actively developing a standalone “Magneto” pic, as well as considering a “Deadpool” spinoff, based on a character played by Ryan Reynolds in “Wolverine.” Shuler Donner is producing “Magneto.”

Regular slate of “X-Men” pics would provide Fox with a reliable series of movies that perform at the B.O. and not repeat a dismal summer sesh like the studio experienced this year. [Variety]

Superheroes!  Teen drama!  Together!  How could it not work?  Oh I can already picture it.  Mutant High, first day of school:

OMG! Did you guys see the new kid?

Yeah, he’s like, hot.  I wonder his mutation is?

He’s from Chino.