"SUCK THIS CODPIECE!"

DURK KNIGHT DURK KNIGHT DURK KNIGHT! (*wheeze, inhaler*)… If you’ve suffered through badly-bootlegged prologues and photocopied script pages in order to get the faintest, frothy whiff of Dark Knight Rises musk, this is the moment you’ve been waiting for. Well, one of them, anyway. The Dark Knight Rises finally has an official trailer, with everyone you’ve been hoping to see — Bane, Gary Oldman, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Anne Hathaway as Catwoman, and of course Hines Ward. Is it just me or does Michael Caine sound more Statham henchman-y than usual? “Oy made a focken promise to your muvver an favah, an now deez conts ‘as ruined it, now ‘asn’t dey.”

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Lindsay Miller is a 26-year old grad student living in Los Angeles, and she is currently living with pancreatic neuroendocrine cancer. You can read all about her struggles and inspiring thoughts on her blog, “I Am a Liver,” on which she made a particularly appealing post yesterday.

After recently seeing the comedy 50/50, starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Seth Rogen, Miller had herself a “Why the f*ck not?” moment and she recorded a video asking Gordon-Levitt to meet her for a cup of coffee.

As you might recall, I saw the cancer comedy 50/50 recently and was impressed with it, though it was difficult emotionally for me to watch.

Also, I didn’t admit this in my first post about it, but after seeing Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s performance and seeing/reading some of his subsequent interviews about the film I thought, “This guy gets it. And he’s cute. I wonder if I could ever run into him somewhere.” But even though I live in LA, it seems impossible to find him.

Maybe YouTube can help…

Hell yeah, YouTube should help. I’m a total sucker for these kind of videos, especially when they have meaning to them. Like, I make about 20 or 30 videos each week asking Rachel Bilson to rub my feet, but people see that as “creepy” and “really f*cking creepy.” This video is sweet, though, and if Justin Timberlake can take a few hours out of his schedule to attend the Marine Corps Ball after a YouTube invite, then I think JGL should be able to spare a few minutes for a fan, too.

Then maybe Rachel Bilson can rub my feet.

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Matthew Modine was recently photographed on the New York set of The Dark Knight Rises testing the elastic on a pair of lacy pink panties with a crotch front big enough for even your mom’s sweaty jungle muff. The caption possibilities are endless. Could those be the pretty pink panties through which he fingerbanged Mary Jane Rottencrotch from Full Metal Jacket? POSSIBLY. But here’s my caption:

“Yes, gentlemen, it’s true that we Mormons wear magic underwear, but no one said they had to be boring.”

Pretty good, huh? …Oh, I’m sorry, did you actually want to hear about the movie? Sorry, let’s get to that.

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I have a problem, you guys. I’m afraid that if I’m completely honest with you about how much I liked 50/50, you won’t respect me anymore. It tickled me right in the sentimental parts I don’t like to talk about at parties, and now those parts are all moist, and I’m afraid if I tell you about them that it would just be gross. But here goes.

We can call it a “cancer comedy” if it makes you feel better, but the dirty little secret of 50/50 is that it’s kind of a rom-com. And my dirty little secret is that I kind of really like rom-coms (the ones that are good, that people don’t normally think of as rom-coms). But that’s what it is. A contemporary story about love, relationships, friends, and family, that also happens to be pretty funny a lot of the time. Oh, and also cancer, but we’ll get to that.

Written by Will Reiser and directed by Jonathan Levine of The Wackness, 50/50 is a personal story based on Reiser’s real-life diagnosis with cancer when he was in his late twenties, and how he and his friends, like Seth Rogen, dealt with it (the “50/50″ of the title refers to what he was told his chances of survival were). Joseph Gordon-Levitt plays Adam, the fictionalized Reiser; Rogen plays Kyle, the fictionalized Rogen. (It must suck for Rogen that he lost all that weight and JGL still gets to play the cancer patient, but between this and Funny People, he has “guy whose friend has cancer” on lock.)

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Joseph Gordon-Levitt sat down with MTV to promote his new film 50/50 and of course the conversation turned to The Dark Knight Rises. He could sit down to announce that the cure for AIDS is Jaden Smith’s bone marrow and the next question would still be: “Are you playing Robin?”

And the answer will still be:

“You know I can’t have this conversation, man.”

Adding: “I’m serious, bro. Chris Nolan is a crazy mother*cker, man. You know that old Rutger Hauer movie Deadlock? Nolan put one of those bomb things on me, except it’s wrapped around my balls, man. You gotta help me, bro!”

But seriously, since that’s neither a yes or a no, the speculation train will keep making the rounds and people will keep believing that Christopher Nolan or any actors working on the third and final installment of his Batman trilogy would even so much as fart out a secret at this point. Or maybe they’re just sending us cryptic messages that can only be deciphered by watching hardcore pornography for the next 48 hours. In which case, I already have 12 hours of practice.

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