It’s official, everyone. I have a new favorite movie. Holy crap.

The jawdropping genius of the 2004 masterwork Karate Dog has been discussed around these parts before, as one of Vince’s “Forgotten Classics.” He hit many of the key points of the film in his examination of its trailer, but allow me to make you this promise: Any time a movie starring Simon Rex climaxes with a 70-year-old Academy Award-winning actor getting in a ninja/breakdance fight with a talking CGI dog, I will cover it with the breathless intensity of the Cuban Missile Crisis. It deserves AT LEAST that amount of respect.

Karate Dog is the tale of Cho Cho, a martial arts expert canine voiced by Chevy Chase. After his master and sensei (Mr. Miyagi from Karate Kid, obvs) is killed by intruders, Cho Cho teams up with a computer nerd police detective (Simon Rex, obvs) to bring the corrupt businessman responsible for his murder to justice. In the process, Cho Cho helps play matchmaker between Simon Rex and Jaime Pressly, drives a convertible and a SWAT van, and hosts a raging dogs-only party at Rex’s apartment. If that paragraph doesn’t sell you on this movie, you should be disenfranchised.

The only downside I experienced in watching this movie is that I apparently forgot it existed and had been using Ninja Dog: The Dog Who Does Ninja! as my go-to, hilarious fake movie title. I obviously needed to scrap that to avoid looking like a two-bit, derivative hack. Luckily, I was hit with a bolt of inspiration over Thanksgiving and came up with a new one: Stunt Horse: The Horse That Does Stunts! (Sample dialogue: “Dammit Stunt Horse, I don’t care if the President has been kidnapped! I need you on set! WE GOTTA DO THIS STUNT!”)

So, yeah. Disaster averted. TO THE BREAKDOWN!

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Today’s forgotten classic is 2004′s Karate Dog, and it may be the best thing I’ve ever posted.  It’s a REAL FILM.  Called KARATE DOG.  And don’t worry about it departing too much from the Karate Kid mythology, because it also has Pat Morita, there to lend it credibility.  Pat Morita, Chevy Chase as the dog, and literally everything I’ve ever wanted in a movie:

• Dog in a fake mustache and glasses
• Dog driving a red convertible
• Dog listening to rock n’ roll in red convertible
• Dog feeding Simon Rex lines during his date with Jaime Pressly via radio (because the dog is cool, and knows all about what chicks like to hear, you see)
• REER!
• Doggy lounge band
• Doggy conga line
• Dogs playing poker
• Black dog scamming on some white bitches in a hot tub
• Dog scratching his OWN RECORDS

With all this and more packed into just two minutes of trailer, you might realistically wonder whether they ever actually show a dog doing karate.  DO THEY EVER.  And might I add, JON VOIGHT.  This movie makes my leg involuntarily kick the ground in pleasure.  The tragedy here is that this is probably the first and last time I’ll ever need a “Simon Rex” tag.

[Thanks to Patrick for the tip]

Last we heard anything about the Ed Norton/Colin Farrell cop drama Pride and Glory, it was getting bumped from its March release and getting put on hold indefinitely, which might have had something to do with it looking exactly like We Own the Night.

At one point, director Gavin O’Connor (Miracle) was threatening to withhold his next script due for New Line, Warriors (“Gladiator set within a family of mma fighters”) until the film was released.  It’s now slated for an October release, and I’ve got the new trailer after the jump.

I’m glad it’s finally coming out, because at the very least, we’ll get another taste of Colin Farrell’s New York accent, which I’ve been craving ever since Phone Booth.  Ey, yo, fuggeddaboutit ova heuh, Tony make da best gabba gool *gestures at crotch*.  It’s like watching a dog walk on its hind legs.  Maybe not believable, but it’s pretty cute when he tries.

I think they should’ve called it Gritty N Tha City

The website for Pride and Glory has just gone up and it has fun stuff like a trailer and photos.  Directed by Gavin O’Connor from a script by O’Connor and Joe Carnosaur, Pride and Glory is:

An authentic, gritty and emotional portrait of the New York City Police Department.  The film follows a multi-generational police family whose moral code is tested when one of two sons on the force investigates an incendiary case involving his older brother and brother-in-law.  The case forces the family to choose between their loyalties to one another and their loyalties to the department.

I think I liked this better when it was called We Own the Night – but, while both emotional and authentic, it lacked grit.  In fact, it was chalky at best.  And texture is everything when it comes to a family-of-cops movie.   

Actually, this looks a little better than We Own the Night.  Colin Farrell’s eyebrows > Joaquin Phoenix’ harelip. 

Ever heard that George Carlin bit about why people like dogs more than cats? "Dogs have expressions, because they have eyebrows! Cats just have… (waggles his fingers above his eyebrows) a bunch of shit!" I think people respond to Colin Farrell’s acting for the same reasons.  "Aww, look at ‘im squinting – I swear, sometimes it’s like he’s practically human!"