Every day I wake up hoping that something zombie related will come out that’s so lame that it will finally make people as tired of zombies as I am.  How is this concept still going strong?  It’s like the “Don’t Stop Believin’” of movie clichés.  Anyway, historically, no one’s better at making stuff uncool than the Mormons (they make banging five chicks at once seem lame!), which is why I have high hopes for Jon Heder (Napoleon Dynamite)’s new web series, “Woke Up Dead.”  It’s about a 20-something loser zombie with student loans or something. I’m sure tons of people will watch it, because all the kids are watching web serieses these days.  It’s all about iPod and web 2.0 and kindle and keyboard cat, at least that’s what my granddaughter says.  I never know what the hell she’s talking about anymore.   Here’s what creator John Fasano (who looks like a Harry Shearer character) had to say:

This was a re-imagination of the zombie mythology, and an allegory for the disconnection of youth.

Hold the phone, the zombies are an allegory?  My bad, this is brilliant.  Also, Newman.

Sorry, folks, by now you’ve no doubt noticed and whined about my slow posting today.  I apologize.  This is what we in the business call a “slow news day”.  And on that note, here’s your first look at When in Rome, a romantic comedy from Ghost Rider/Daredevil director Mark Steven Johnson, starring Mr. Fergie Josh Duhamel and Norse elf Kristen Bell.  Hmm, do you think we could maybe squeeze Joe Lieberman in there somehow?  I don’t think it has enough of the most boring motherf-ckers on Earth involved yet.

The film tells the story of an ambitious young New Yorker (Kristen Bell), disillusioned with romance, who takes a whirlwind trip to Rome where she defiantly plucks magic coins from a “foolish” fountain of love, inexplicably igniting the passion of an odd group of suitors: a sausage magnate (Danny Devito), a street magician (Jon Heder), an adoring painter (Will Arnett) and a self-admiring model (Dax Shepard). But when a charming reporter (Josh Duhamel) pursues her with equal zest, how will she know if his love is the real thing? The film also stars Alexis Dziena, Kate Micucci, Bobby Moynihan (SNL) and Anjelica Huston. [/Film]

Dear Dax Shepard: I’ve said it before – fire your agent.  Oh, and as far as movie synopses go, my sense is that a key plot point probably shouldn’t have “inexplicably” attached to it.  That would more properly describe someone ever seeing this.

Jon Heder (Napoleon Dynamite) and Dax Shepard have signed on for the Disney comedy When in Rome, alongside Kristen Bell and Josh Duhamel.  It will be directed by the guy who did Ghost Rider and Daredevil.

Call me crazy, but I think Dax Shepard actually has the potential to be funny (see: Idiocracy).  Sadly, he usually does movies like The Comebacks and that one with Jessica Simpson and Dane Cook.  His agent has screwed him yet again:

Bell (“Heroes”) plays Beth, a successful but hopelessly single Gotham real estate agent. When her younger sister impulsively marries in Rome, Beth flies out for the wedding and, after picking up coins from a reputed “fountain of love,” finds an overabundance of suitors waiting for her back home.  Heder plays a street magician who uses his talents to try to get the girl. [Variety]

This is all David Blaine’s fault.  Before he came along, “Street Magician” meant a guy who yelled “Abra Cadabra, muthafucka!” and then punched you in the face and ran off with your wallet.