*ahem* MEGAN FOX NAKED MEGAN FOX NAKED MEGAN FOX NAKED! …Sorry, I have to do that for Google search purposes. I hope you understand. Anyway, after the jump I’ve got the trailer for Friends with Kids, the unofficial Bridesmaids reunion starring Kristin Wiig, Jon Hamm, Chris O’Dowd, and Maya Rudolph, with Adam Scott, Megan Fox, Ed Burns, and Jennifer Westfeldt (who also wrote and directs) along for the ride. The plot? “We’ve replaced their ‘Benefits’ with ‘Kids.’ Let’s see if anyone notices!”

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Zack Snyder is through staging fights between stuntmen dressed in cardboard wings, and all that’s left for him now is to finish Sucker Punch, which just released this new trailer.  It stars Emily Browning as a girl who gets sent to some awesome, hot-chicks-only insane asylum, where the only way she can escape is through her power to imagine sexy scenarios.  If you saw Inception and you wondered why everyone’s dreams seemed so much like reality, and you were like, “Hey, where are the dragons and zombies and robot samurai?”  BOOM!  HERE’S THE DRAGONS AND ZOMBIES AND SAMURAI GATLING GUNS!  And of course, the hot chicks will fight them wearing fetishy tights and schoolgirl gear.  I love Zack Snyder, but I worry that this one’s going to be too dry.  C’mon, dude, this isn’t NPR, don’t be afraid to put some cool sh*t in there.

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Ben Affleck is fast becoming one of my favorite directors in Hollywood.  The Town is no Gone Baby Gone — it doesn’t really break any new ground — it’s just a sawlid blue collah directawrial effit.  Ben Affleck’s gawt a jawb ta do: make a Bawstonsploitation cawps and rawbahs movie that’s as ennahtainin as that daygo Scoahsayzee did wit the Depahted.  I’m heah ta tell you queahs that when Affleck punches the time clawk, he goes in theah an’ gives a gritty pahfahmance, leaves it all on the screen, an’ then goes home ta watch the Sawx like a good union slawb.

The film follows a pretty well-worn blueprint (though in this case, you might call it “tried and true”).  Ben Affleck plays a big, tough bank rawbah by da name a Dougy MacRay.  MacRay is a real blue-cawllah guy, who grew up in Chahlestown, where (as the beginning title card tells us) robbing banks is a trade passed down from father to son.  MacRay isn’t your average bank rawbah though — da kid’s gawt smahts, an’ a good haht.  But that won’t stop him from doin’ what needs ta be done ta go fahwahd in this dawg eat dawg enviyahment.  Jeremy Renner from The Hurt Lockah plays the Pesci to Affleck’s Liotta, the Mickey Rourke to his Eric Roberts, the ‘Worm’ to his Matt Damon, the Pesci to his DeNiro — the crazy best friend who’s always taking it one step too far and getting him “jammed up.”  Togethah they lead a rag-tag crew of no-screwin-around professional bank rawbahs from da old neighbahhood, guys like Gloansy Magloan, Mikey High Tawps, and Boogah Lips O’Shea.

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I’ve been using the clip of Greasy Sax Man, aka Timmy Capello, honkin’ ‘n thrustin’ in the opening of Lost Boys since 2007.  It’s one of my favorite clips, on account of the fact that Timmy Capello’s hips don’t lie, and neither does his crotch bulge.  He has a very honest crotch.  Anyway, last night, he showed up on SNL in the form of Jon Hamm as “Sergio” in the SNL Digital Short.  Obviously, I’m flattered that SNL would choose to share in the joy of Greasy Sax, (I’m all about sharing, that’s why I stole my site text from an old SNL bit) especially in the Digital Short, which is the best part of the show 99% of the time.  I’d just like to thank them for not putting Kenan Thompson in the sketch, which would’ve been like slapping my face while raping my mother. With a greasy sax.

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Big Fan premiered at Sundance, and at a recent screening, first-time director Rob Siegel revealed that it will be getting a theatrical release in August.  Why do I care?  Because Rob Siegel wrote my favorite movie of last year, The Wrestler, and the star of Big Fan is none other than Patton Oswalt, the chubby lesbionic emperor of my comedy-nerd heart.

Siegel said the film is getting prepped for a release in August, a small distributor has picked up the film and the official announcement will come out this week during the Tribeca Film Festival. Presumably, this means Overture, Magnolia, IFC or indie distribs of this ilk is the buyer.

Straight out of the ’70s loner milieu [Editor’s Note: that’s a fancy way of saying ‘it’s like Taxi Driver’], “Big Fan” is an engaging, if rough-around-the-edges portrait of a lonely, socially inept mid-30-something (Patton Oswalt) still living at home and obsessed with the New York Giants. His arrested development finds him over-eagerly accosting his favorite player, quarterback Quantrell Bishop (Jonathan Hamm), who tests the Staten Island fan’s undying resolve for the team by delivering a severe beatdown and landing him in the hospital. The film also features Kevin Corrigan and Michael Rapaport in a small cameo role. [ThePlaylist]

I had to look this up, but apparently Jonathan Hamm isn’t the same person as Jon Hamm of Mad Men – who, although a fine actor, I doubt could carry off the role of a guy named “Quantrell.”  You know you’re a good-looking man when all your early acting roles are characters like “Handsome Guy #5″ and “Professor Ernst von Chisel Face”.