After releasing a couple separate posters last week, Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland marketing team has now combined them all into one glorious triptych — click the picture above a couple times and it’ll get bigger, like your sister’s clit (too far?). It opens March 5th, and as far as Tim Burton joints go, I’m hoping it’ll be more Sleepy Hollow than Planet of the Apes. My favorite part of the poster is the rabbit in the suit holding up the clock. It’s like the Disney version of a Public Enemy record, and I like that. All rap should be more like this. Bunnies are less threatening.
[via /Film]
When I posted the first poster for Alice in Wonderland, Tim Burton’s adaptation of Lewis Carroll’s book about how awesome it is to give drugs to young girls, I wondered aloud why the lead and Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter weren’t in it. Guess they were just saving them for this one. Here’s Mia Wasikowska in trademark Burton pale tiptoeing through a magical garden or magic mushrooms and old people flowers. Cor bloimey, guv, moy rabbit ‘as got pink eye, ‘e does! Bot dat’s wot ‘e gets for sniffin’ me knickas, Oy s’pose.
[via Wired]
RELATED ASYLUM POLL: Which classic children’s book has become the best film?
Yeah, so the headline’s pretty self-explanamatory. This is the poster for Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland, opening March 5th in annoying 3D. It stars Mia Wasikowska as Alice (curiously absent from the poster, as is Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter), Helena Bonham Carter as the Red Queen, Anne Hathaway as the White Queen, the Cheshire Cat (voiced by Stephen Fry), and Matt Lucas as Tweedledee and Tweedledum. Hey, whatever keeps him from doing another season of Little Britain. I can’t tell if that show is terrible, or if it’s just mediocre and the horrendous laugh track is what makes it seem so loathsome. And I can’t make fun of his weird bald look because he has alopecia, but I will say that those horizontal stripes are doing him NO favors. *bitchily sips flirtini*
[via /Film]
(”ALICE IS SUPPOSED TO BE WAY YOUNGER.”)
Off-kilter font, super pale chicks with cleavage, Johnny Depp in makeup… yep, looks like a Tim Burton movie. This is the newest trailer for Alice in Wonderland (Mia Wasikowska as Alice, Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter, plus Anne Hathaway, Crispin Glover, Helena Bonham Carter, and that fat weirdo from Little Britain), just released by Spike TV. It’s more or less the same as the last one, but with a little more footage. It looks to be a faithful adaptation of Lewis Carroll’s tale about how doing drugs is awesome, originally composed for a 9-year-old girl. It sold far better than Carrol’s next two books, This Will be Our Little Secret and No One Likes a Tattletale.
(”Yarrr, whar be the buffet?”)
Disney is going full-speed ahead with Pirates of the Caribbean 4, now matter how much everyone agrees that the last one will be nearly impossible to outsuck. But not to fear, they have a plot in mind that should maintain their spotless reputation for sucking.
When D23 and Johnny Depp announced that the fourth Pirates of the Caribbean installment would follow up its colon with On Stranger Tides, it didn’t take the Internet long to point out that there was already a pirate story carrying that title. It seemed an unlikely coincidence since Tim Powers’ book also starred a pirate named Jack, and centered on a quest for the Fountain of Youth. Powers confirmed to Hero Complex that Disney did indeed option his 1987 novel three years ago, and that he’s been eagerly sitting on the news for all that time. As the author is quick to point out, his Jack “Shandy” Chandagnac and Jack Sparrow have little in common, and he’s unsure as to how Disney will adapt his book to the Pirates of the Caribbean mold. “I’ve watched all the movies several times, of course, and I think the clear thing they would use is the trip to the Fountain of Youth.” [Cinematical]
Think back to the original Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland: it had a bunch of big, hairy drunk dudes chasing whores and torturing a guy in a cage. It was kind of scary and awesome. But now modern Disney can finally complete their de-coolification of the pirate phenomenon by having the big hairy drunks drink from a fountain that turns them into Zac Efron. By the time I take my kids to Disneyland, the theme of the rides will just be two ponies spooning.
