Armie Hammer says he talked to some Indians and Johnny Depp’s bird hat is totally cool

Written by Vince Mancini / 04.22.13

It’s always tricky casting a white actor to play a famous minority, so when Johnny Depp strapped a bird to his head to play Tonto in The Lone Ranger, those involved had to know they were going to take some heat for it (unless they’re complete idiots, and having seen Jerry Bruckheimer’s previous movies, the jury’s still out). I don’t think it’s always wrong for a white actor to play a non-white role, but if you’re an American Indian actor or an actor from another historically marginalized group, I can understand why you’d be pissed about one of the precious few roles specifically tailored to you going to a white dude. (Though for what it’s worth, Depp does describe his great grandmother as “quite a bit of a Native American.”). Meanwhile, Depp’s Lone Ranger co-star Armie Hammer, possibly the whitest man alive, says it wasn’t an issue at all, because the American Indians they talked to during filming (some of them paid consultants, presumably) all thought his kemosabe’s kabuki was hunky-dory. Hakuna matata and all that shit.

The actor turned up in Las Vegas with Depp last Wednesday to unveil 20 minutes of new footage from the film to movie theater owners at CinemaCon. Before being honored as the Male Star of Tomorrow at the conference a day later, Hammer defended his film’s depiction of Tonto, saying that the cast worked with many Native Americans on the project.
“They were nothing but excited about it. They loved it — they’re thrilled,” the actor said in an interview. “It’s so funny, because every Native American we talked to was like, ‘This is awesome! I’m so excited.’ And every white person we talked to was like, ‘How dare you cast a non-Native American?’ It’s like, the white people are the one who have the problem, but the Indians — the Native Americans — are like, ‘This is great. We love it.’” [LATimes]

Sure they did, but then again, the ones he talked to were probably hanging around craft services all day, and you know how those people get around the fire water (*pantomimes “glug-glug”*). What? What’d I say? I kid, I kid. On a serious note, Armie Hammer has to walk a delicate line defending the dubious decisions of people cutting him a huge paycheck, and as such it’s all but impossible for him not to say the occasional kinda dumb thing. I don’t have a problem with Johnny Depp playing an American Indian (not that it’s my place to…), but I do think it’s hilarious to watch them try to spin Johnny Depp starring in a Jerry Bruckheimer movie as some kind of tribute to the proud American Indian peoples. That’s basically like McDonalds calling their breakfast burritos a show of solidarity with the Latino community.

See also: Johnny Depp explains the origin of his bird hat.

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The New ‘Lone Ranger’ Trailer Looks Pretty Familiar, Too

Written by Ashley Burns / 04.18.13

“HOW… do I get up from here? Seriously, help.”

Another day, another summer blockbuster trailer, friends. It’s almost as if it’s about time to unleash one of my award-winning Summer Movie Guides on us. What? A piece of paper with my dog’s paw print stamped on it is an award. You’re just jealous you don’t have one.

Anyway, in keeping with today’s theme of this year’s big action films that look awfully familiar, the newest trailer for The Lone Ranger has arrived, and it features Johnny Depp at his most face-painted while Armie Hammer continues his transition into a leading man whose name I refuse to believe is real.

I couldn’t help but think of The Legend of Zorro and Wild Wild West while watching this trailer, between the unlikely goofball team of heroes, fancy gadgets and all the explosions. But neither of those movies had a white guy pretending to be a Native American by wearing a bird on his head, so what the heck do I know?

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Johnny Depp joins Pirates of the Caribbean 5

Written by Vince Mancini / 01.15.13

Teen Wolf did it.

Good news for people who like Johnny Depp wearing silly costumes and smirking at the camera, there’s going to be a Pirates of the Caribbean 5! (*swings through room on chandelier, steals roll from fancy dinner party, juggles priceless vase, looks into the camera, armpit farts, jumps through window*)

Walt Disney Studios has announced that a fifth “Pirates of the Caribbean” movie is set for release on July 10, 2015.  Johnny Depp will return as Captain Jack Sparrow and Jeff Nathanson [Tower Heist, The Terminal] is working on the screenplay.  The Jerry Bruckheimer production currently is without a director, but one would assume Rob Marshall, who helmed the critically panned “Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides,” will not return.

Why wouldn’t he? They’ve got the guy from Tower Heist writing it.

The new “Pirates” movie is setting Disney up for a huge 2015. The studio has already revealed it plans to release the first of three new “Star Wars” films and “The Avengers 2″ during that same summer. [HitFix]

In all honesty, I thought they already made like seven of these. “Pirates of the Caribbean 6: The Search for Curly’s Gold.” “Pirates 8: Dog President.” And in case you were worried about Johnny Depp not stretching himself, he’s also signed up to play a wizard in “The Magical Hat of Mortimer Wintergreen.” Way to branch out there, buddy. I’m convinced he chooses roles based on number of accessories he’ll get to wear these days. “Ooh, Rastafari Snake Handler? Elizabethan Medallion Salesman? Where do I sign?”

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New Lone Ranger trailer actually has some lone ranger in it

Written by Vince Mancini / 12.11.12

You’re not in Connecticut anymore, kemosabro

The newest trailer for Jerry Bruckheimer’s $250 million-plus Lone Ranger movie is now online (embedded below), and while the first trailer focused almost solely on Johnny Depp’s bird-hat Tonto, the new one gives us much more of Lone Ranger Armie Hammer, the only actor WASPy enough to make Johnny Depp look ethnic by comparison. He wakes up on a giant platform atop a mountain in the desert, because Indians had lots of time for cinematic crap like that, and there he meets Tonto, who knows the Lone Ranger will be a great warrior because the Lone Ranger’s horse told him so. Two key points to remember in this one: Tonto can talk to horses, and Silver is a psychic horse. Tonto and LR decide to “ride for justice” and Armie puts on a mask, and Helena Bonham Carter shows up and she doesn’t even have her obnoxious rat’s nest hair for once, and then there’s some shooting and trailer music. But riddle me this, kemoslobber, why can’t Johnny Depp decide whether to use definite articles? Either say “the” or don’t, man, no one wants to see half a stereotype.

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Johnny Depp Stabbed Terry Gilliam in the Back

Written by Vince Mancini / 12.06.12

According to Deadline, Johnny Depp has signed on to produce a Don Quixote movie for Disney. The big story is that Terry Gilliam doesn’t seem to be involved. See, back in 2002, Gilliam was the subject of a documentary called Lost in La Mancha, detailing Gilliam’s ultimately doomed production of a film called The Man Who Killed Don Quixote. Gilliam tried to get the project off the ground for years, and at one point, Johnny Depp was attached (that’s him and Gilliam in the banner image, via). Depp later dropped out, and Gilliam went on to make The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus, which starred Heath Ledger, who died halfway through shooting and had to be replaced by Johnny Depp, Colin Farrell, and Jude Law. Who knows what happened between Depp and Gilliam since then, or whether Gilliam eventually gave up on doing his Quixote movie, but Depp had to know how this was going to look when he signed on. YOU’RE KILLING HIM, JOHNNY OH GOD WHY!

Disney has closed a deal for an untitled pitch to be written by Steve Pink [Hot Tub Time Machine] and Jeff Morris, and produced by Infinitum Nihil’s Johnny Depp and Christi Dembrowski. The project is best described as a modern re-imagining of Don Quixote. Depp has long been intrigued with that character, and at one time was attached to the Quixote film that Terry Gilliam has tried to make.

Hard to know what to make of this, since “a modern re-imagining of Don Quixote” could mean almost anything. A hero living in the past, dedicating his life to outmoded principles of morality and groping after the women in his life through a haze of anachronous social ideals – has anyone called Aaron Sorkin? Sorkin should write himself into this, Adaptation-style.

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