"Oh, the Urban Outfitters accessories rack? Right over there."

Forget the Academy Awards, the Golden Globes or even the People’s Choice Awards. When it comes to determining who America’s favorite actor is, the only proper way to do it is with an online poll of 2,237 adults representing four age groups, conducted in just 7 days. And through that foolproof scientific method, we now know that Johnny Depp is America’s favorite actor for the second year running, according to the latest Harris Poll.

Better luck next year, Tom Sizemore!

Age, region, gender and political party and leanings mean different favorite actors. Men cite Clint Eastwood as their favorite while women say it is Johnny Depp. Echo Boomers (those aged 18-34), Gen Xers (aged 35-46) and Baby Boomers (aged 47-65) all say Johnny Depp is their favorite actor while for Matures (those aged 66 and older), George Clooney is their favorite.

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I review plenty of film adaptations of beloved books, and when I do, I generally try to ignore the book altogether and consider the film on its own merits — it just seems the best and fairest way to do it. However, that’s impossible for me here. The Rum Diary is just too alive in my mind for it not to color my entire viewing experience. (Just so you know where we stand).

The first thing you have to know about The Rum Diary is that it’s a much different book than Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. In Fear and Loathing, Hunter S. Thompson was writing a stylized account of himself as an established journalist on a clear mission (to find the American Dream). The Rum Diary is a novel Thompson wrote when he was 22 (though not published until much later) and still trying to figure out his path in life. Where Fear and Loathing was specific, Rum Diary is crafted from broad strokes. It isn’t particularly plot-driven, and succeeds largely on the strength of the themes and on Hunter’s prose. In fact, despite it being one of my favorite books, I don’t think I could’ve told you much about the plot or any of the characters going in. What had stayed with me was that it was about a 20-something year-old writer terrified of getting old and selling out, written by that same 20-something-year old writer, and read by me, when I was– well, I think you can fill in the rest. An equally scary prospect was selling out’s alternative, sticking to your principles only to have them make you nothing but poor and embittered.

“No matter how much I wanted all those things that I needed money to buy, there was some devilish current pushing me off in another direction – toward anarchy and poverty and craziness. That maddening delusion that a man can lead a decent life without hiring himself out as a Judas Goat.”

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(Click for full size)

Here we have Johnny Depp’s face Photshopped onto someone’s body (here’s a close-up of his neck — you tell me what it looks like) in the final poster for The Rum Diary. Bruce Robinson’s adaptation of Hunter S. Thompson’s book opens October 28th. It’s a pretty cool poster, what with the spilled fish bowl and ocean of mini bottles covering the floor (though, again, I must point out, it could use more lizard tail). BUT. …I’m having a hard time focusing on anything other than Depp’s boxer shorts. Jesus Christ, were boxer shorts actually that big in the Eisenhower era? What are you supposed to wear over those, a onesie? They’re covering his goddamn belly button. There must be 18 inches of crotch seam (worst. porno. ever.).

Which reminds me — hey, hipsters, stop trying to make high waists happen. It’s not cute, or clever, or retro, or fashion forward, it’s just horribly unattractive. Probably the most unflattering look ever devised, in fact. I’m glad you’re a unique flower, but now your ass looks long and flat like a grandma centaur. And that is a very specific fetish, I assure you.

Back in August, I brought you the news that Disney had dropped plans to make a Jerry Bruckheimer-produced Lone Ranger movie starring Armie Hammer with Johnny Depp as Tonto. The reason? It was going to cost between $250 and $275 million, which seems slightly expensive for a western. Well now, the principals have reportedly come to a deal, agreeing to make the film for a paltry $215 million, reteaming Johnny Depp with Gore Verbinski and the team behind the first three Pirates movies. HEROES! It’s so nice when people can put aside petty greed for a soulless cash grab.

Last we heard, the project was so expensive partly because it had frickin’ werewolves in it. But according to THR, those got dropped before the current incarnation. WHAT?! BUT YOU CAN’T MAKE A LONE RANGER MOVIE WITHOUT WEREWOLVES!

The original script included werewolves and other supernatural creatures from Native American myths [WENDINGO!!! -Ed.]. Those bells and whistles have been jettisoned, but according to sources who have read recent drafts, three massive action set pieces involving trains remain, including one described as the biggest train sequence in film history. [THR]

Ooh, trains, we’ll need an experience injun tracker to find one of those. Meanwhile, here’s what Terry Rossio had to say about the draft of the script he co-wrote and Johnny Depp’s interest in the project:

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Bruce Robinson’s adaptation of Hunter S. Thompson’s Rum Diary finally hits theaters October 28th, after beginning filming two years ago. It promises to win Johnny Depp just enough goodwill that you can’t fully hate him when he shows up in the next Bruckheimer turd. I guess I can’t blame him for that. Anyway, today we’ve got 20 new pictures and two new clips, the first starring Amber Heard (HOT LESBIAN ALERT) as Chenault, when she first meets Thompson’s Paul Kemp while skinny dipping.

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